


What is it about you that makes me talk so much?

by MacKyleMore



Category: Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
Genre: AU setting, Canon Setting, Confessions and stuff, First Kiss, I guess., I'm makin' myself a new tag here goes:, M/M, Modern Setting, One Shot Collection, PERCECT lol, cw: May Contain Heavily Implied Route of The Problem FordeKyle, how many chapters do i go until i stop adding tags?, legit idk could go anywhere. whatever i feel like., ok established relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:00:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 51,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26365342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacKyleMore/pseuds/MacKyleMore
Summary: Just a series of one-shot or drabble-esque things with no relation to previous or future chapters updated at whenever the hell I feel like it o'clock.Setting and time-period also whatever I want. My fic to kill time my rules.
Relationships: Forde/Kyle
Kudos: 2





	1. ☆-Goes around Comes around

**Author's Note:**

> Quick Edit!! Added little signs for every chapter title as quick code.
> 
> ☆: Canon Setting  
> ♡: RoTP  
> ♧: Just random AU stuff  
> ◇: Doesn't need to be RoTP like there's nothing in it that would make it 100 percent RoTP but I can assure you it was written with RoTP in mind and they are absolutely RoTP-coded and that's what I mean by "Heavily Implied" (unlike the ones with the heart. those have actual stated RoTP context)
> 
> feeding myself fordekyle crumbs from the scraps of yesterdays fordekyle meals everyday of my life. im starving. idk if u can block users on ao3 can you? if so i oughtta block myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sleep deprived and bored enough to start from:
> 
> jabbing at old one-shot type WIPs back from January. Originally abandoned for good reason because although not.... /completely/ terrible i can't help but realize my "writing" style has significantly changed.... never was a writer. never wanted to be one. never will want to be one. yet here i am... wr*ting :/
> 
> but i legit havent opened some since January the date stamp on em say havent edited since then... so uh imma try and salvage em despite how poor I'm finding my old pacing.
> 
> this chapter here: canon setting ...

Transparency, honesty, and faithfulness were each a silent oath that Kyle had sworn himself under.

And he never thought it would affect him so heavily as much as it was doing _right now._

He can't just _admit_ that the words and speculation he had heard recently about himself floating around were true... Kyle still has _some_ dignity for himself that he cannot abandon in full. 

But Kyle doesn't like to lie about anything under Ephraim's roof, so he can't bring himself to _deny_ any of these assumptions, either. And day-by-day he almost feels a new set of eyes watching him as they laugh behind a hand about Kyle's rumored _perdicament._

His own thoughts are none of anyone's concern. Except for his own, that is. So as to _why_ the number of soldiers who feel the need to casually ask him about it has been increasingly lately...? Is beyond him.

He has no trouble in getting assignments and duties done. Kyle even silently feels that _he_ does a clear job of doing them _better_ than some of these people who think they have a place to even bring the rumors up to start with.

Whether or not Kyle as a _person--_ not a knight-- but whether or not he is capable of being in love shouldn't have _anything_ to do with anyone but _himself._

Having to train regularly was something he used to take seriously and use as a method for learning. _Recently,_ however, Kyle knows he has been enjoying it more from a leisurely standpoint... because he knows it is much harder for people to try and have conversation with him when he is so focused on his job. Knows that _here,_ apart from the actual battlefield; is the time he has found is most efficient in not allowing anyone else to learn more about him. 

Today he doesn't want to bother with heavy armor or weaponry. Kyle does not want to wait around any place longer than he needs to; although on his own his problems aren't enough to get in the way of his work, when other people bring it into his life, _then_ it seems to affect him. Today, _all he has to do is train._ No talking unnecessary business with people who he doesn't need to even associate with. _He can avoid it today,_ he is certain. It's too hot today for any of that anyway, and the mid-day sun would make him irritated enough if he didn't take the proper precautions.

Carefree as usual, yet somehow more punctual than himself this time, it seems like Forde has beaten him here while Kyle was too busy in ensuring no one would get in his way.

He's almost _laying_ on the ground, dust covering his knees and an elbow keeping him from falling backward. A weighty wooden sword sits across his lap.

"You ready?" Kyle asks in a stale tone.

Forde, up until hearing Kyle's voice, had his eyes closed as if he were basking in the sweltering heat. As if he could _enjoy_ the added discomfort it brought along with _everything else._

_"Hmm?"_ Humming, agitated as if Kyle has interrupted something he was in the middle of, Forde opens one eye first and grins before making an effort to stand up. "I'm the one who's been waiting for you."

Kyle himself is surprised still-- how almost everyone around him has managed to zero in on his thoughts and feelings. He knows it's been affecting his own routine and how he acts, but all in all he can still be his own same self around Forde. 

Kyle shakes his head, ignoring the uncharacteristic willingness in Forde's attitude this afternoon. He isn't picky when it comes to fake battles and spars of faux materials. Sometimes on actual battlefields you have to work with what you have, so Kyle picks up the closest thing he can find and prepares for their training session.

As usual, they are on about the same footing. It's not something that can be maintained forever; someone always has to win each individual match to _some_ degree. Silent but focused, Kyle tries to find an opening so he can have today's match for his own.

"I've been trying to figure it out..." Forde mutters in between a series of breaths.

It's _here_ that Kyle thinks he has found an opportunity...

" _Figure what out?_ Figure out how to get through my defense?"

To no avail, it doesn't work like Kyle had hoped. Forde is unfazed by the sad attempt at firing up a reaction, and instead it's Forde's next response that makes Kyle trip and lose stance.

"No. Figure out how _you_ of all people are in love with someone."

_Oh._ Of course he would find out eventually. Every other soldier seems to have already. But where Forde stands it doesn't seem like he knows _who_ it is just yet. Kyle hopes, _prays,_ that even with the rest of the world seemingly able to guess and see that he is in love, _Forde remains blind to it all._

A dense pressure collides with Kyle's side, and in a moment he's on the ground. Not from pain, _but from defeat._

" _Who told you that I...-"_ Kyle wipes the sweat from his brow, vision clearing from the shock of a fall. In front of him, Forde holds the wooden sword he was just hit so hard with over his shoulders in triumph. "H-how could you _possibly_ know about-"

"No one told me exactly. But everyone keeps saying how you are _in love_ with someone." Forde strokes his chin as he looks down on him, _thinking_ about it. _"I can't see it..."_

_"...What!?"_ Good. It seems like Forde truly is ignorant to any more than just _that._ If Kyle feigns like he doesn't know what Forde's talking about, maybe he can pinpoint just exactly what Forde already knows.

_And stop him from knowing any more._

"I mean, I thought love was beyond you." Forde laughs, but Kyle clearly isn't amused here. So he outstreches a hand to lift Kyle up from the humilation that is having gotten thrown off balance quite so easily. "Finding someone interesting is one thing... but _love?_ Woooow."

Kyle sits for a second, thinking whether or not taking his hand is a good idea. _Fall for the trap,_ and he will feel even more lost than he has been already. _Ignore,_ and offend the good-nature that Forde is oddly offering.

"I never said I was _in love_ with anyone." Kyle decides to take it, but the feeling of Forde's strong grip makes his last phrase sound like the biggest lie known to man. _At least in his own head_. "Where are you sourcing this baseless information from?"

"I told you, just what everyone else has been saying... But the fact that you never _denied_ it, either...?" Forde smiles, proud and snarky. He has tip-toed just enough around Kyle's question to not have a clear answer, and has done so successfully. "Maybe they've all been right...?"

"That's because I'm not _saying_ anything." Kyle turns around. He needs something to drink. His throat feels like it's burning. _It's too hot today._

"Can you say something to _me?"_ Forde catches up quickly, having had to put away the abandoned arms that Kyle seemed to too quickly forget about. 

"About _what!?"_ Kyle shouts, agitated.

"About how you love someone."

"I'm not telling you _who,_ if that's what you're asking."

Forde snorts a few strides behind him. "I never asked that. I was just asking if it were true. _And I guess you just confirmed it."_

"Does it matter?" 

" _Kind of_. It was enough to quicken your loss. And you don't strike me as a guy who would let something like _that_ affect your nobility."

Whipping back around, Kyle is clearly feeling very distraught. "Is it so strange if I care about someone? Am I so stone and composed that I can't be allowed to want something for myself _ever?"_

Forde pauses. He probably didn't mean any offense by prodding, but most likely just said what was on his mind...

"...If it upsets you, then you can talk to me about it... I feel like _I'm_ the only one who doesn't know. I thought I could talk to _you_ about my problems... so I was hoping you could feel the same way around me."

A few steps ahead, Kyle again turns forward. Hiding his face from Forde's view.

"I'm gonna go get something to drink."

Walking, Kyle has to turn around again when Forde doesn't try and catch up. " _Are you coming or what?_ "

_"Huh?"_ Visibly, Forde jumps a little, having just assumed that Kyle wanted to be alone. _B_ _ut he's assumed wrong._ "Uh, y-yeah."

The water Kyle had bottled earlier has run a lick too warm, and if it were a temperature or two cooler, it would have been refreshing. _But it isn't_ , and instead any attempt to clear his head with hydration just ultimately makes Kyle feel ill and _too full._

As they find a spot to sit and recover a bit from the tiring heat, Forde is quiet as he scratches lines into the dirt with a piece of thin slate.

"...Are you mad at me?" Forde speaks finally, and when he does, the stone in his hand snaps beneath the pressure he applies.

"...No."

"Does it... hurt?"

Kyle thinks Forde means the hit he took back there. "No, you've hit me harder in the past."

_"I didn't mean_ -... I meant does it hurt to be in _love_ with someone?"

Kyle, who had went for another swig of water, spits it out onto the grass in shock. He thought Forde's period of silence meant _the topic was over._

"W-Why!? _Why would you ask me that!?_ " Kyle worries for a moment that he'll give himself away; that from the look on his face and the shakiness in his voice, he is blatantly obvious. Everyone _else_ noticed. Why not Forde? "It's not any of your concern!"

"But I told you, _it is_. You're putting yourself in danger, first and foremost. And in doing that, you're hurting those around you."

"Well _thaaat's_ rich, coming from _you."_

"No. You're..." Forde groans, running a hand through his hair as if this conversation is frustrating himself as much as it is Kyle. _"Fine._ You're right. I'm just upset because you seem to let _everyone else_ know before _me."_

Anger, sadness, and disappointment are all clear in Forde's body language. Is he really upset that Kyle's not letting him know? _Why?_ There's no reason he should have any interest in how Kyle feels about anything other than his job.

But it seems like he cares anyway...

_Kyle feels a bit guilty._

"...Jeez, then... well, it hurts. Yes. _It hurts_. You want me to talk about it? Fine. Ask me whatever and I will answer to the best of my ability. _You're wrong if you think talking about it will lighten my mood_ , though."

The sun which had been casting so much warmth onto their skin before soon takes shelter behind a cloud, and Forde crosses his arms in front of himself to preserve the heat. 

"Maybe it won't." Forde says beneath his breath at first. "But _I_ used to think it was better to never say anything to anyone, _and I was wrong_. It's not like I have a ton of people who I can do this with, but it's not like I need that many either. One or two is enough."

As Forde's confidence grows in what he is saying, so does his voice, and Kyle has no choice but to give Forde's offer a chance.

_"Alright._ I get it." Kyle claims, but he still isn't convinced talking secretly about being in love with the person he _loves_ will take the feelings of affection away. Which seem to be the only thing that would put an end to the annoying matter. _"Ask away."_

Forde relaxes his shoulders, assuming Kyle's hand that he had just waved in front of him is a dismissive gesture to verbally hit him with whatever he's got.

"How long?"

It's an easy enough question. Not too heavy on emotional or in-depth details that Forde would be able to figure him out. _Kyle decides he can answer this one._

A visible cloud storms over Kyle's brow, and then he's holding his left hand in front of himself, counting on fingers until there aren't enough on a single palm. He then does the same with the right. After he gets to ten, Forde sees him continue, but in his head as his eyes are looking quizically to the air as if he can see another set of fingers in the sky.

When Kyle stops, he drops his hands back at his sides, and he brushes Forde's wrist by accident. He tries not to make a big deal of it, but he pulls away so fast one may think he was in trouble and _scared_ of something.

"Ah- _Uhm..."_ Recollecting his thoughts, trying not to think of the contact. (As well as earlier, when Forde had dragged him up from off the ground.) With pure sincerity, Kyle shrugs his shoulders. "I can't say, because I don't know. I have a general _idea,_ but I don't know."

"The general idea, then?"

"...I guess... _12?_ Years?"

_"What?!"_ Forde shouts.

"What?"

"That's _waaay_ too long to just... ya know... let it get to you _now."_

Kyle knows. Kyle agrees. Kyle gives Forde a look to try and convey _he knows,_ and that it's _bullshit_ but this whole _'loving someone'_ thing still bothers him.

Forde seems to be able to read Kyle's expression, and stumbles in an attempt to find another approach. "How can you like someone like that and go _so long_ without it getting in the way!?"

"Because you're _looking_ at it in the _wrong_ way. Just because I've... I've- _loved..._ this person for so long... doesn't mean it has always _been_ the same. Like when I was _seven_ I wasn't thinking about-" 

Kyle's eyes widen in horror at what he's about to say; about to admit, and _who he's about to admit it to_. His face is hidden in his hands.

"About what?" And it's not a question, but a remark to kick Kyle to the ground for the second time in one day. Forde can be dumb at times, but he can also take the role of just playing it. Instead of concern and worry for Kyle's well-being... this is turning back into their usual banter. Forde starts to smile. 

Kyle's hands are in front of him again, gesturing in hopes that doing so will be enough to convey his thoughts so he doesn't have to say anything. "Things like... wasn't thinking about things like holding him or hugging or... e-even kissing-"

_"Him?"_

"Huh?" Kyle, a complete mess by now, goes back on his words in his head to see if what Forde caught onto was something he actually said. He can't remember, _because he wasn't thinking straight._ Words are flowing like too much water in a dam. No matter how hard Kyle tries to stop them, there is just too much. " _Did I say that?_!"

_"Mmhm._ Yeah. _So,_ you like-"

" _Just leave me alone!_ I thought you were trying to make me feel better about all this!"

Now he's blushing. Kyle feels himself _blushing._ Why did he agree to this? _How_ did he agree to this? Of course talking about how he _loves Forde_ to _Forde himself_ was going to go no where good!

"Well, _yeah?_ But to do _that_ I first needed to understand to what extent you love this person... and I'll be honest. _It seems to be a bit more than I thought."_ Forde chuckles nervously. "Even _I'm_ at a loss for words."

"Just forget I said anything- please...!?"

"Sorry buddy. _Can't do that_." Forde then pats him on the shoulder. _Kyle falls apart further_. "If you're that much in love that you're acting like _this_ just trying to _talk_ about it... who knows if one day you'll lose it when you're in real danger?"

Forde is so infuriating. Talking with Forde about this is the ' _only real danger'_ Kyle can even _think_ of. Why can't Forde see that?

"Okay. It's a bit surprising, but..." Forde trails off. "I guess even _you_ are capable of falling in-"

"Why is that _surprising!?"_ Kyle's voice cracks. _This really is dangerous._

Forde laughs; he's clearly abandoned the ' _trying to help and make Kyle feel comfortable'_ claim.

"Because you're like... hardly _human._ But you _are._ And you like someone. Liked them for 12 years... maybe that's why I was blind for so long. I've known you since _before_ that. So I guess I just passed all of _you_ off... as _you."_

"...I-I said 12 years ago I hadn't _realized_ I--"

"But you realize _now._ Realized enough to where the entire army _also_ seems to realize..." Forde slowly returns to a more serious tone. "Can I ask you... if now you know you loved this guy 12 years ago... what now tells you that you've loved him _even back then?"_

"...He... He's just been there. _Always..."_ Kyle pauses.

_Kind of like how he is right now..._

"--And I just... _I..."_

Forde waits a while for Kyle to continue his thoughts. _Kyle doesn't_ ; he's too scared he may slip up.

"Okay. _I think I get it."_ Forde goes to stand up as if he were done with taking a break. "I always thought you'd never grow out of your too-good-for-romance phase. But I guess maybe you grew out of it a looong time ago. _My bad_ for never noticing."

"What?"

"I just wanted to try and maybe get you interested in something. Looks like I didn't need to. You already are. So _ever_ full of surprises--"

_"What!?"_ Kyle, still sitting on the ground, looks up at Forde who has a hand on his hip.

"Didn't you find it weird how all a sudden everyone is _interested_ in you? Did you even try and think about where those rumors came from?"

"...What are you saying?"

"I'm saying-" Forde extends his free hand to Kyle for a second time today. This time Kyle can't tell if he should take it or not. " _It was me_. I just wanted to make sure you could make yourself happy. If you only ever are too good to care about your responsibilities... you can't really care about what _you_ want for _yourself."_

This whole thing is _Forde's_ fault?

"I-I've been fine all this time-- I don't need you trying to force me to be interested in--!"

Forde rolls his eyes, scoffs, and leans over to pick Kyle's hand up after Kyle hesitates too long.

"You're still a danger to yourself. I'm gonna help you. If you've been interested in someone for that long and fall apart so easily at just the _mention_ of it; _you need to do something about it."_

"You can't help me with thi-"

"I'm not laughing at you, if that's what you think. I'm just concerned. I'm _relieved_ to hear this news, actually-- You're a step ahead of what I initially thought. _But if you keep denying it you're gonna get no where!"_

"I thought I said I don't _want_ it to go anywhere! I don't care! I'm fine with the way things are now-"

"You think about kissing him." Forde states bluntly.

"Uh- Wha- _huh?"_

"That's what you said. You said when you were younger, you never thought about being close in that sense back _then._ So that means you do _now,_ right?"

"N-n _-not really!_ I- I don't even know if I would like that sort of thing! I was just wondering what it may _feel_ like-"

Kyle can't finish any sort of sentences. He can't entirely finish them in his head, either. Too much else is on his mind.

Even if Kyle _could,_ though, he wouldn't easily be given the chance. _Forde hugs him out of no where_. The impact feels stronger than the wooden sword that had grounded him earlier.

"Then let me help. If you're unsure, _just get an idea_."

It's so hot outside. Kyle was already sweating from the heat, _but now it's from nerve_ s. A hug in these conditions feels clunky and gross.

But Kyle gets the _idea_ that he's enjoying this anyway.

Forde continues as Kyle stands still. Arms defensively in the air and not returning the gesture. The warmth in the weather somehow manifesting into heat on his face.

"If you feel like this is something you might like if you did it with the _person_ you like... _maybe let him know_. You're a good guy. Anyone would be lucky to have you. But if they don't _know_ how can they ever consider it!?"

They were supposed to be training today.

_This isn't the kind of training Kyle had in mind._

"You- You can get off now!"

"Hmm?" Forde pulls away. " _Don't like that_? Well, that's okay. Now we know what will and won't make you comfortable when you tell him you like him."

"What gives you the idea that I'll _tell_ him!?"

Forde frowns and tilts his head. "Because it'll make you feel better to get it off your chest."

"I was fine until _you_ started this whole thing! How is everyone bringing attention to it supposed to make me feel better?!"

"...Who is it?" Forde whispers.

"What!?"

" _Just tell me_. I'm your friend. Damn it, _I've_ known you for 12 years. How can everyone else say they know who it is but you can't even tell your _best friend?"_

He's upset? _Is that it_? Because Kyle doesn't want to tell him? _He already knows enough_. He knows more about Kyle than almost everyone else. Kyle should be able to _keep this one thing to himself._

"Because it's not important!"

"It's important to me!" Forde says.

"What _you_ find important usually isn't all that important!"

"It is _this_ time."

Kyle groans, caught in a weird circle of annoyed and embarrassed. "I'm not going to let it hurt me, okay?"

"...But you'll let it hurt me?" Forde's voice grows hushed.

"It's not going to hurt _me_ and it's not going to hurt _anyone else,_ Forde. _I can manage my own feelings_ -"

"Why can you tell everyone else but me!? I can't even think of anyone really besides myself who you've know for that long and--"

Forde pauses. 

A visible dawning overshadows his face.

"Don't tell me you..."

No.

_No._

No, no, no, _no._

"Holy shit. I was joking around when I told people there was someone you were in love with. And then I learned... it _wasn't_ a joke. And now..."

Kyle cannot deny it. Kyle has spent too long ensuring _he does not lie._ Kyle can only be truthful to the people he cares for-

"Ah ha ha! This is... This is so weird! I just wanted to make sure _you_ were okay. This has probably been so uncomfortable for you. Aaaah, _I'm sorry!"_

"Never speak of it again if you're truly sorry!" Kyle squeaks.

"No! I'm just-" Forde is laughing so much he has to hold himself up from his knees " _You should have said something!"_

"So you could _laugh_ in my face!?"

Forde tries to calm his laughter, wiping his eyes on his wrist. "No! So you could just _tell_ me you like it when I do _this!"_

Forde hugs him once more.

Kyle's _idea_ of that _'he likes it'_ turns into positively _knowing_ he likes it.

Kyle _shouldn't_ like it... It's not a priority of his to make time to _like_ stuff like this.

_But he likes it._

"What are you doing?!"

_Kyle likes it._ Forde's always been here, _with him._ Of course he likes it. He likes Forde. _He's always liked Forde_. Maybe in the back of his head because being around Forde is such a familiar and common feeling... and Forde randomly hugging him like this is surprisingly more _likeable_ than he thought... 

_But Kyle likes Forde._

"You should have told me." Forde repeats. "You should have told your _best friend_ who the person you've been in love with all this time is!"

_Forde's a jerk_. Too open in talking about tough topics. Too close.

Too _likeable._

Kyle resists the urge to hug him back.

"..."

"So. You can tell me if you like this or not now, right?" Kyle hears Forde smirk. "Considering you like _me."_

"...Whether or not I like it is irrelevant."

_"Kyle._ I care about you. _You're my best friend._ " 

Forde takes his head off from over Kyle's shoulder and tries to talk to him.

Kyle cannot look him in the eye.

"..."

"You _are_ a danger to yourself over this, aren't you? I wanted you to be happy, so I thought if you watched out for yourself _as a person..._ you _could_ be."

"..." Kyle not only cannot look at him; Kyle also cannot find anything to respond with.

"So. You think about kissing me, do you?"

Kyle looks back only for a second before he starts stuttering. That second reminds Kyle yes, he _does_ think about kissing Forde. _And looking at him makes him think about it even more._

"I-I- I don't even- _I don't even know_ if that would be something that I would _like,_ I mean-"

Kyle's never kissed anyone before! How would he know if he would like it or not...? Of course he can only _wonder_ if he would...

"Wanna find out?" Forde asks.

"Wh- _What_!?"

"If you'd like it. There's really only one surefire way to find out."

Kyle had stumbled when Forde first brought this conversation up before. 

But now he feels like he has fallen head-first onto stone and cracked his skull open. Even though _right now_ he's standing, _grounded._ (With Forde's arms still around him...)

"I thought you said you cared and wanted to make me feel better about--!"

Kyle tries to finish his complaint--

_But Forde cuts him off by kissing him._

Kyle...

Isn't _sure_ if he likes it.

Kyle's never kissed anyone. How's he supposed to know what to do here? Forde's a bit more experienced, _and it's getting on Kyle's nerves_. Kyle feels like he's not doing enough... and if Forde is going out of his way to kiss him like this? Then Kyle should try to put _something_ into it...

Kyle takes his hands-- which up until now had been awkwardly held out at his sides in order to touch Forde as little as possible-- and hesitantly grabs Forde's face.

Kyle's actions are jagged and sporadic. _He's not very good at this_. Forde tries to hold back a laugh at Kyle's desperate attempts to try and see if this is something he likes. 

Kyle lets out an irritated whine, and _that_ does Forde in laughing until he can't physically maintain kissing Kyle any longer.

"Is _this_ something you like?" Forde manages to ask, all the while cracking up with his face almost being buried into Kyle's neck.

"I.. _. I don't know_!" Kyle admits, sheepishly. "I feel like maybe I _could-"_

"Tell you what. Why don't we try one more time?"

"...W- _Why_!?"

"Well... because _I_ like it." Forde regains composure. "I want you to, too _. I said I wanted you to be happy._ "

He wants _what!?_

"Yes or no? Take two or do you just want to leave it at--"

Forde is quickly cut off.

_Why is it Kyle to initiate this time!?_

What's Kyle _doing,_ exactly...?

Kyle's not sure why he's asking himself these questions... because he knows the answer. 

Kyle knows... that this is something he could really _begin_ to like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am not a writer i am a person who accidentally walked into a highly securitied building and i have no authority to be there but because i do not know where i am or where it is i am going i dont know how to leave and the alarms are going off but i'm still there for some reason.
> 
> Actually i know the reason. i just think it's fun to bully Kyle.


	2. ◇-Resting into Interesting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "im gonna finish the 5+ things i have started from months prior as well as rewrite some stuff from december 2019 era from when my phone crashed and deleted a bunch of stuff from what i remember in order to feed myself" 
> 
> and then i wrote a completely new thing ,1k words worth of pointless stupid rambling.

_"I'm not all that interesting of a person_."

Kyle says to Forde night, almost out of no where. What should be a spaced-out look as he stares at the ceiling, Forde knows is really one in deep thought. Kyle's bicep wrapped beneath Forde's neck and forearm around Forde's chest as he repetitively runs his thumb back and forth over the same spot on Forde's shoulder.

Kyle is interesting. Forde sure finds him interesting. There's no where else and in no one else's arms Forde could maintain his own interest into for so long...

Why is Kyle saying this all of a sudden?

"Funny you say that..." Forde sighs. 

A realization comes before him just how _interesting_ it is that Kyle seems to fit around his body perfectly. Interesting how among the volume of life and people in the world, Forde's own head is able to lay interestingly in place over Kyle's shoulder... The side of Kyle's face interestingly resting into the interesting mess of Forde's hair.

"...Because it's kind of an _interesting thing_ to say out of no where." Interesting how Forde can speak, form words from his inner self and sometimes they are able to touch the interesting depths of Kyle, that Kyle... _seems to find uninteresting._

"It's not out of no where." Kyle exhales a breath. His chest rises and slowly falls; An interesting display in humans to reassure that they are alive and living. Physical and present-- Something Kyle should be able to _see..._ But somehow he's struggling to find his own struggle of life interesting.

Laying in near-darkness like this, Kyle saying it for the first time? It _is_ a bit out of no where, actually. 

It's interesting to Forde, how regardless of the fact that the number of times they have spent falling asleep in each other's arms is uncountable-- Every night differs from the one before it.

There is always something interesting; Something new to look forward to. _To notice._ The amount of time it takes one of them to fall asleep first. Where Kyle decides he wants to softly touch Forde each night. Useless conversation. Us _eful_ conversation. _No conversation at all_. When it's too hot and humid and Forde almost wants to push Kyle off and out of bed. When it's so cold that no amount of thick blankets and no amount of sweatshirts stolen from Kyle's wardrobe seem to keep away the bone-chilling air. Sometimes all that seems to work in keeping Forde warm is Kyle himself.

"What don't you find interesting...?" Forde speaks softly.

"...All of me." Kyle answers, matching Forde's faint tone.

Opposingly... _Forde_ happens to find _all of Kyle_ interesting.

"Give me a single thing, for starters."

"Why?" Kyle groans. "So you can try and dispute it?"

_"Yes."_

Kyle soon smiles and laughs nervously, almost far away. "I'm not upset about it. I just think I'm a pretty boring person. At least when I'm compared to you."

Why compare? Their lives aren't a competition. They are different entirely if only for the sole reason that no person can be the same as any other...

"What about me is interesting where you aren't?"

"...Almost everything, actually." Kyle shrugs. "Were you not with me, you'd still have so much _to_ you. So much... creativity. So much, joy... so much... strive for yourself. _Personality."_

"Well, Kyle..." Forde starts. " _P_ _eople tend to have personality traits--"_

Kyle soon cuts him off.

"--But _I_ have none. On my own I have none. I forget it sometimes because of the fact that being with you takes the thought away... But then other times...? It just kind of hits me that you alone would be fine. _I_ alone, wouldn't be anything more than the average man searching for a reasoning in myself that I ultimately would never be able to find. Because that is all I do and all I did before I met you. Search for a meaning without having a _meaning_ to do it. I just do all I am told... As if I have no free will."

Huh... Kyle must think about this often to have so much to say about it.

_Interesting_ how he can't see all of his own _thoughts_ as interesting...

"You say ' _on your own_ '?" Forde tries.

Kyle nods.

_"Okay._ So when you're with me, you are able to find that reason in you? That _'personality'?_ That _'free will'?"_

"...Yeah." Kyle agrees.

Good... looks like Forde will be able to get through to Kyle here. His _interest_ seems piqued, so he _is_ open to understanding more.

"Is that not interesting enough on its own?"

"...What?" Kyle's head tilts in confusion.

"I say it's pretty interesting. How you are capable of caring for me so much that it gives you the _strive_ to want to find _yourself_ interesting. Some people don't have that ' _free will'_ to care like that, Kyle. Some people act like they care, when in reality? They only see themselves as interesting, and they think they're enough on their own. But those people are so self-centered the truth is just that _they_ are the _leeeaaast_ interesting types of people."

Kyle groans in the back of his throat, trying to find something to argue with. It seems he's having a bit more of a difficult time finding good points after hearing _that._

"...But the only reason I'm any interesting at _all_ is because _you_ help me find things to be interesting within me."

"Can't that be enough...?" Forde nudges his cheek further into Kyle's chest.

"Huh?"

"It's not as deep as you're trying to make it. Sometimes _wanting_ to be enough is enough in itself. So. _S_ _o what if you feel like 'on your own' there's nothing to you!?_ Because you _aren't_ alone. So whether or not I'd be a more _'interesting person'_ than you if we'd never met doesn't matter all that much... Since we _did_ meet, and neither one of us are on our own."

"..." Kyle is silent, momentarily dumbfounded.

"Know what else? You don't really need to ever see it in yourself, because it's there even if _you_ can't find it. You don't need to find yourself interesting, because I promise you there will always be someone else to do it for you if you need a little help... Your proof...?"

Forde lifts his head up so he can softly kiss Kyle. _"Is right here."_

Kyle relaxes a little and repositions his hand until he's running it through Forde's hair and over the side of his face. 

"Okay... Maybe you're right." Kyle finally accepts. "Maybe it's a little interesting that just _being_ with you brings out _my_ interesting."

  
Forde smiles into the warmth of Kyle's embrace. "And I find it pretty interesting how someone as interesting as yourself finds _me_ interesting."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tender and over-analyzed fordekyle is stored in the brain and i have a skull-splitting headache


	3. ♧-...Kind of Fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a fic which at the time (approx dec 2019) was quite long + had a decent amount of chapters (at least it FELT long to me) the ever-overused highschool AU ... where i made Kyle randomly pick painting as his last elective for his last semester, only for my phone to one day when i was almost done with it hard reset with no explanation . this was the longest one that got yeeted from my phone i remember. im really glad it got wiped tho bc quite frankly it was A Shit and all over the place and this just works better as a single little (very)stupid re-written thing. 
> 
> extremely mild warning for extremely mild drug mention.

Just one more semester.

_That's it._ Then Kyle can get out of here. No having to take anymore classes for career paths that he isn't even remotely invested in... No more dealing with loud jocks and know-it-all assholes.

For his final elective of his final year, Kyle takes the chance to pick one he has absolutely no interest in _what-so-ever;_ Painting 1.

Kyle has a fantastic grade point average. _He doesn't like to brag_ , but he is somewhere in the top-five range for his entire grade. Because of this, he decided he could give himself the break he needs; instead of taking a class he could actually _learn_ from for his future... Kyle figures he should be allowed to have one last block of school time where he doesn't need to care.

He's already taken home ec. Higher level mathematics... He got a couple of language courses out of the way early on, too.

It's just _painting._ Not like there can be much difficulty to it. It's much more lax-- _and it's not like he doesn't have good grades_ so Kyle feels he is set for his future. Whatever it may be... 

He hasn't decided yet; he knows that's the fatal flaw. But since his grades are fine he should have little to no trouble if it takes him another year or two to realize what he wants.

Since mostly taken on a sort of whim, Kyle is left to sit alone. Everyone else all seem to be freshmen who foolishly took the _'enjoyable'_ class their first year... and they did so with their friends; planning to, _like Kyle,_ not really care about the painting itself.

_Good._ Kyle thinks. He doesn't need to focus on anything other than what he's doing.

The bell rings. This has to be the best choice for a final course to lay-back with. It's already perfectly-warm and even _cozy_ in this classroom. No one is seated by him. No one's even tried to talk to him. No annoying ' _art hoe'_ types... Just people who are as careless as him about this. He will be left in peaceful solitude. Kyle can finally catch a break.

The teacher begins roll call. He can't lie: _Kyle hates roll call_. He has to decide what will attract the least amount of attention. Some people shout annoyingly loud things like _'present'..._ The more shy ones sometimes just raise a hand...

A simple _'here'_ with little-to-no energy should suffice; Kyle decides once his own name is called. Simplistically in between... _The least attracting of attention._

The next name is one that no one responds to. Even better... Even less attention on Kyle, because now everyone is too busily focused on the _guy that couldn't even show up to the first day of class._

After she seems to realize this guy's just _not here,_ the teacher moves onto the next name. She's a little on the eccentric side, Kyle is kind of understanding... but he should still be able to get through the rest of this class until the end of the year--

Mid-name, she has to pause when the door to the classroom has someone knocking on it.

Oh no... _the late guy_. From a quick glance at the window on the door before it's open... he looks like he doesn't even _care_ that he's late. 

"Our very first _Late-Larry!"_ She says, holding out her paper in front of herself to likely go and change the absentee she just marked a second ago. Not a care in the world that this guy is late to the _first day of class._

"No." Late guy chuckles. " _That's not my nam_ e. I'm not Larry."

"Forde, I presume?" She asks him, the name that had no response earlier.

"Yup."

He seems to be as eccentric and carefree as her, actually.

Okay... _maybe this is going to be worse than Kyle thought._ These sorts of people don't mix well with someone like himself. 

Kyle wishes he would have taken literally any. other. class.

Forde is told to take a seat. They have a syllabus to go over, after all.

Forde...

Takes an empty seat next to Kyle.

_Fuck._

It's not that shocking of a choice. Every other table has at least two people sitting at them. No others were empty... and those people already had friends with them so they _are_ all sort of intimidating--

But even so... Kyle whines in his head.... 

_Whyyyyyy?_

As the teacher continues with the rest of the class, not even giving a _warning_ to this guy to not be late any more, Forde yawns and tosses his bag he had over his shoulder under the table.

Not on the side, and not on the surface of the table on the opposite end where no one else is even sitting.

Forde goes out of his way to drop it under the table in the middle of their seats, getting in the way of Kyle's space even more.

And then he doesn't even stop there. He then lays his head face-down on the table over his crossed arms. Long hair, only about the parts that frame his face pulled back. Leaving the rest to spill over any amount of room Kyle would have used to keep his books if he had any on _just day one._ His burgundy, oversized, itchy-just- _looking_ at it knit sweater taking up the rest with sleeves that cover more _air_ than actual arms pulled over his thumbs.

_Shit._ It's the art hoe type that Kyle feared.

After having finished roll call, the teacher comes over and drops her clipboard on their table. The sound resonates through the room; Forde jumps up alarmed. 

"Wake up!" She says almost _cheery,_ again, with no authority to seem like she's in any way negatively fazed by this guy's attitude.

Forde wipes his eyes and groans.

"Now." She shouts. 

_These people are too loud_.

"These seats, for the first half of your semester, will be your assigned ones. I'm not the best with _nameeees."_ She draws out the last syllable.

_Oh,_ no.

_"Speaking of!_ Your first assignment... Ice breakers! I want you all to think of a word that starts with your first initial to describe you. Then we will go around sharing them. "

Oh, _no._

Every other table takes this chance to joke about this noisily with their friends. Some, Kyle overhears, are the typical prodding that high schoolers do to shit on each other. As if alliteration were _comical._

_'K'..._ What the hell sort of adjective that starts with K is there to even use!?

This is too difficult. 

Let's see... maybe... _knowledgeable?_

If Kyle says that he'll look conceited.

Keen? Like... attentive? 

_That sounds creepy_.

K is a hard letter. What is Kyle supposed to do with it? 

What if there are simply just no words in the english language that start with a K and describe _him_ specifically? That's possible. _And it looks like it's the case._

Clearly Kyle can't think of anything worth saying, so he takes a minute to glance at Forde. Who seemed to only for a _second_ need to think over the stupid name-game. 

And with his head no longer slouched over the table, Kyle can tell he looks _gone._

Kyle gets the idea that this guy is one of _those_ people who think they can smoke in the locker rooms because no one can tell.

But everyone can tell. _The teachers just don't give a shit._

"If you _have_ to... Can't you wait to do that stuff _after_ school hours...?" Kyle mumbles.

Forde blinks, and turns to look at Kyle. His movements are slow and with ease. He's _got_ to be one of those annoying all _nat-u-ral,_ head in the clouds kinda guys.

"...Hmm? Do what?" Forde tilts his head.

"...Smoke."

Forde's eyes widen as he gives Kyle a shit-eating grin. "You think I'm _high?!"_

"..."

"Dear God... _Am I that obvious?"_

"Uh, _yeah."_ Kyle mumbles, hushed. "So maybe be a bit more secretive--"

"I'm not _high."_ And then Forde just disregards Kyle's efforts... _and raises his voice_. "Jackass. I was _kidding._ Just fuckin' tired."

The teacher coughs under her breath a soft _"Language."_ But like everything else, it doesn't seem like she's really going to try and enforce it.

"...Oh. _Sorry-"_

"If anyone's high, I'd be willing to bet it's _you._ " Forde laughs as he intakes Kyle's appearance. " _Lookin' like a walkin' weed-leaf."_

...What kind of insult is _that?_

Well... Kyle _was_ the first to accuse. _Maybe he deserved that._

Forde then reaches for his bag. In doing so, he accidentally brushes the back of his hand against Kyle's calf. _Kyle almost instinctively kicks him in the face._

And Kyle wishes he had, once Forde pulls out a ziplock bag full of Cheerios and a spoon to go along with it.

Forde starts eating it, _dry,_ from the plastic bag. _With the spoon._

"What the hell are you doing!?" Kyle involuntarily asks.

"Hrm--? I'm _eating!"_ The last word is a bit muffled in between Forde's loud crunching.

"I can see that!" _Forde's kinda annoying..._ "I'm asking why!?"

"You said _'what'._ Not _'why'."_ Forde chews his cereal and hums, holding the bag out a little. _"...Want some?"_

Not answering Kyle's question, huh?

_"No!_ Of course not!" 

Forde keeps putting the spoon back in that he _just_ ate off of, anyway. Even if Kyle _did_ want some, why would he want it after Forde's done _that!?_

"You sure? They're peach. The limited spring edition kind. _It's good shit_ ; I always stockpile up on 'em."

"No, _thank_ you." Kyle's answer is behind a mild level of fear.

"Hey, _your loss._ They're typically only available for a small frame of time... By the way... _Got any milk on you?"_

"Why would I have _milk_ on me!?" Next, Kyle accidentally squeaks, caught between fear and confusion.

Forde shrugs. "You look the type."

_How?_ How does Kyle look like the type to carry milk around with him? _What about him gives off that energy!?_ This is a self-conscious thought he never even considered he would _ever_ be thinking over.

"If you're dumb enough to eat cereal in class, why not go the whole ten yards and bring your own milk, too?" Kyle tries in a bit of defense.

_"Because._ I can usually find someone else to give me theirs. I thought you could help me out." 

Forde frowns, after one more spoonful he zips the bag closed again with the spoon inside, and tosses it onto the top of his bag. 

"But I _guess not._ And keeping milk in my backpack would be stupid! If I accidentally had a pencil pierce a leak in my ziplock-- _I'd have a real mess on my hands."_

Kyle doesn't even know what part of all that to _begin_ to respond to. "...Then why wouldn't you eat it earlier, or... Maybe even _wait until lunch?"_ So he ignores the significantly _more_ strange parts.

"You said I looked high. I'm trying to give myself some energy so I don't look so tired."

_'Energy?'_ He ate like, _three_ spoonfuls. That's not going to give him hardly anything.

Forde should have just said he was high. _It would have looked better for his image than the cereal_.

Maybe Kyle _shouldn't_ have turned Forde's offer down. Kyle's the one who will need energy to get through this.

Forde then proceeds to bring out a folder to scribble on with a pen.

Kyle is not sure the reasoning for why his voice takes over his thoughts, but he accidentally comments after seeing Forde's drawings.

"Did you draw those?"

Forde blinks again, almost irritated. Inhales, turns to look at Kyle; And with the most sarcasm Kyle has heard in quite a while...

_"No."_ Forde lifts his hand holding the pen and points it across the room, as if to make a show that _he's_ the one holding it. "Those guys sitting at the table over there did."

Forde rolls his eyes, going back to his drawings.

Which... Kyle can't help but realize are rather good. Anatomically correct in every way. Small-scale clearings in a mountain-side... leaves that have perfectly dispersed roots branching from the stem.

_"...Sorry."_ Kyle falls back in momentary awe _._ "I'm just wondering why you'd take an art class if you're already good at it."

Forde starts to grin from one side of his mouth. "Not good. _Just doodlin' right now."_

"...If those are _'doodles',_ then what do the things you put actual effort into look like?"

Like, seriously. _H_ _e's only using a shitty ball-point pen._

"We're in the same art class. These seats are permanent for some time longer, correct? ... _Find that out yourself."_

Kyle considers for a moment that Forde probably already thought of a descriptive word for himself.

Kyle thinks it may be _'frustrating.'_

A little self-aware, Kyle goes back to trying to figure out a word for his own answer.

"What's your name?" Forde asks absentmindedly, seemingly catching on to Kyle's struggle from the short silence. "Looks like you may need a little help with even just _this_ first project."

Kyle doesn't need help. He _especially_ doesn't need help from someone he _just met_ to judge an adjective to _describe_ himself.

"If you weren't late to class, maybe you'd know already." Kyle pouts, bitterly.

Forde smiles widely, snorts laughing, and shuts his eyes a bit defeated. 

"Come on. _Tell me._ Maybe I can give you some ideas." Setting his pen down, Forde puts an arm on the table to rest his head in his palm...

"I mean... It looks like I'm stuck with you for a while. I at _least_ oughtta learn the name of the guy I'm gonna have to sit next to. These _are_ ice breakers, after all."

Stuck? _He's_ stuck? Wrong. _Kyle's stuck._

_Forde's_ the one that sat here _secondly,_ anyway!

...But he has a point.

"...It's Kyle. I can't even think of hardly any K adjectives at _all._ Let alone ones to describe _me."_

Forde picks his pen up once again as he taps his chin with the capped end. 

"Hmm... _let's see.._. What about..." Forde's eyes light up after a bit of thought as he pulls his pen out in front of himself in triumph. "Kind!"

Wh-What!? Kind? Forde thinks he's _kind!?_ This entire time Forde's sat here, Kyle's done nothing but _mentally judge_ him.

Kyle is most definitely _NOT_ kind!

"Wh- _What_ -!? I'm not _'kind!'"_

"Sounds like something a kind person would say." Forde raises his eyebrows.

Between being called a _'weed-leaf'_ and being told he ' _looks the type to carry milk around with him_...'

Being called _'kind'_ is somehow worse than the both combined.

"I am _not_ ki--"

"Sure you are." Forde interrupts Kyle's pleas. "Kind people always start conversations with new people in order to get to know them. _It's being friendly."_

Was _Kyle_ the one to start...? He doesn't remember...

Forde adds more attributes. "Although it gets old, you pulled that crap where people feel the need to say something _'nice'_ about my shit-doodles... Most of the time it gets on my nerves... But when you asked why I was even _taking_ this class because you think they're _that_ good? That's a little _too_ generous. But it was so _ignorant_ that it was cute. _So I'll allow it_."

Kyle's stuck with this guy until at least half of the semester!?

"It's... It's not being _'generous'."_ Kyle stammers. _"_ It's common decency."

They really were good... and Forde probably doesn't _have_ too much to learn in a class like this, right?

"Also--," Forde presses on. "You let me know I looked high. As if you were looking out for me. And while I don't smoke, that was nice of you instead of trying to tattle. Now I'll be sure to take all of my naps that _make me look stoned_ in a class that doesn't matter. _Like P.E._ Wouldn't want to waste it on the chance of instead being able to talk to _helpful you."_

Helpful...? Forde would skip out on napping (Which, seems kind of important to him because he looks... _tired.)_ in _this_ class instead because he wants to _talk_ to Kyle?

Is Kyle understanding that correctly?

"I wish I would have gotten gym out of the way the first and second year, though... Hate it when they try and make me _move._ Sleep can be a form of exercise if you do it right, ya know? So they should just leave me alone. The _hell_ am I gonna need the _Pacer_ tests for in my real life, anyway?"

Kyle wonders how Forde is so confident that he will be able to find the time and place to sleep on the gymnasium's filthy and scratched up floor.

Forde talks like he's no stranger to it, even.

Forde definitely is... eccentric. But... maybe not quite the _complete_ annoyance Kyle thought him out to be.

Maybe watching some of Forde's artistic potential... Kyle _could_ use somewhere in his life after he graduates.

...And Forde's not grinning like he was before. Now he's smiling. _Excitedly._ As if he were looking forward to this class for the rest of the year. _And looking forward to meeting Kyle._

"Well... did you... think of anything for your own name?"

"Yup. I think _'fashionably-late'_ works." Forde laughs softly... "I gotta _own_ it now, right?"

Kyle thinks of a new and even better word, actually...

Kyle thinks that maybe this last elective will turn out to be a worthwhile choice...

Kyle thinks Forde should say _'Fun'_ when his turn comes. Yet Kyle keeps the thought to himself...

At least, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll never forgive myself for going out of my way to access within the far reaches of my psyche some minor details from my own high school experience. even if altered and is for fordekyle sake. i still am haunted by my painting teacher in freshman year making us pick an adjective to describe ourselves with . i cant even remember what i ended up saying. but i am positive it made no fucking sense.
> 
> Forde Big Tired Chaotic Dumbass Bi Student Energy. (thats what his title says in the yearbook. probably.)
> 
> And Kyle who thinks he's good to go bc he has straight a's... boy what you dont realize is the more days you show up to painting class the more points you'll lose on your report card and by the time you realize the correlation it'll be too late lmaoooooo


	4. ♧-Lack of Common Cents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh a coffee shop au?? how creative how absolutely original. lets go lgbts gott a go get som brunch uhhh can i get a fucking uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Why did his manager have to swap him for morning shift? 

" _You're a better worker than I would have thought."_

Is that supposed to be a compliment?

" _So from now on, come in at 5 AM."_

Yeah, Forde's a good worker. _When he's had his rest and there isn't a line out the door like there is in the morning._ It's a lot easier to take orders when there are only a few people in the shop. 

Is it even worth it anymore? Because now in order to have to keep up with it all, Forde has to keep making himself espresso shots that eat away at his pay check.

As per his recently common thoughts, Forde once again curses the people who need their morning coffee in order to function. If you have the time to wait in line and complain that your order is taking too long because you'll ' _be late for work_ ,' then you have the time to throw a cup into a machine. Yeah, those appliances may be a small investment in the beginning... but the latte effect _does_ exist; Forde realizes after the same people come in everyday and piss away _waaay_ too much on their orders.

After rush-hour concludes, the place always goes from capped-out to countless hours without customers. 

Before _that_ time comes, serving everyone is too demanding.

But this is so _slow_ it's like watching paint dry. By this time, everyone has made it to their school or place of work; rarely does he see a straggler.

Another reason why morning shift downright _sucks._ At least night shift is consistent with having to tend to customers and being barren _; it's a good ratio_. There's nothing to do _now_ except scrub over the same empty tables over and over, so he goes to grab a towel to wipe them down--

The door opens.

Typically, Forde would be thankful he can kill a _little_ more time even if it is for a single person's order. But he's never seen this guy before, _and he looks cranky_. And when Forde doesn't recognize a regular, they almost never know what they want. And when they don't know what they want to order, they almost always complain at what they _do_ order.

"Let me know when you're ready." Forde sighs, making his way back over to the register.

"How uh... big is a large?"

_A large is large. It says it in the size_. Forde thinks in his head rudely. But he knows he has to keep the thought to himself, so Forde instead reaches under the counter to show him an empty cup instead of saying those words aloud.

_"Woah..."_ The man in front of Forde says this under his breath as he sees it; like he's genuinely shocked at the size. 

Has he never been to a coffee shop before? 

"I guess I'll uh, have a medium... a medium... _uhhhhh..."_ The deep hue of jade in his eyes skims over the menu above the counter.

Yep, doesn't know what he wants. _At all_.

"What's a _mah-chi-ah-toe?"_

Does he really not know how to pronounce it? Or is he like one of those middle schoolers who come in and think they are the funniest people in the world for giving Forde a hard time?

"A... uh..." Forde ponders if he should avoid using the word itself. 

If this guy really doesn't know, he might accuse Forde of some bullshit about how ' _Forde thinks he runs the place.'_ People do it all the time, but usually are a bit older. And if he _does_ know how to pronounce it, he might still call it a _mah-chi-ah-toe_ on purpose, because people are stupid and think they are funny because employees like himself can't _dare_ act up if a customer gives them trouble.

"A macchiato is basically just espresso and warm milk." _Ford_ _e decides to just say it._

The next look on his face tells Forde that he genuinely did _not_ know, and now he feels like he has made a fool of himself. No lashing out, and no continuing to say it incorrectly after that. 

Okay. A customer that maybe wouldn't give Forde trouble _after_ all...

"Espresso... _so it has coffee in it?"_

"....Yeeeaaaaah." The exterior is pretty obvious in this place being a cafe. Unless there is a portal somewhere that swaps between here and elsewhere, Forde has no idea why anyone wouldn't understand that a coffee place sells _coffee._

"Hmm... What do you have that doesn't have coffee?"

Wow, he really is just ignorant. Or at least just good at _acting_ like he is.

"Teas... a few smoothies... hot chocolate..."

"Does the tea have caffeine?"

Ah, diet preference. If that was the case he should have said something. There's a sign right in front of him saying to ask about such matters! _Ugh._ Forde can't tell if _Patron Puny-Brain_ is testing his patience, or if he's going to end up as one of the idiots that deserve a spot for storytelling when Franz always asks how work went.

"Most of it." Forde informs.

_"Agh..._ What kind of smoothies?"

Not gonna ask about the tea further? _Most._ Forde did say _most,_ right?

"Kiwi-strawberry. Banana. And pomegranate."

"I'll have a medium kiwi smoothie..."

Stupid establishment is paying Forde minimum wage but they can't afford to write the list of smoothies flavors on the menu? They say they don't need to put it on the menu because no one orders it. Well _maybe no one orders it because no one knows about it!_ And if no one _orders_ it why do they even _serve_ it in the first place?! Now Forde has to explain further because _Guest_ _Á La Idiot_ can't read a word on a menu and know that it's not _kiwi._ It's not _strawberry._ It's _kiwi-strawberry._

Whatever. Why's Forde getting so mad, anyway? This guy didn't read the sign about allergies and restrictions. _Probably wouldn't have read a menu either._

"It's kiwi _and_ strawberry. _T_ _ogether."_ Forde puts up one index finger; followed by the next. Then he brings them next to each other. Forde gets the idea that if he doesn't show this visually, _this guy just wouldn't understand._

"Oh. _Cool."_

" _Do you still want it!?"_ Forde exclaims impatiently.

"Oh, _yeah._ I'll have that, and-"

More? _Oh no._

Actually, _It's fine_. No one else is here to bitch about wait times. Forde wanted customers to make the time go by. _He shouldn't be complaining_. And it is proving that he's not _purposefully_ making Forde's job difficult. So he gets a slide in that department.

"A lemon muffin."

That's... _a lot of fruit._ A lot of acid. A lot of the same flavors. If you get an _iced mocha,_ you should get a lemon muffin. If you get a _fruit smoothie,_ you should then get a chocolate chip brownie or, _something..._ but it's all the same, the way this guy is ordering. How _boring._

At least a lemon muffin is easy. Unlike the drink explanation. And _that's_ not even over, because Forde remembers he needs to ' _inform guests about current promotions.'_

"We're running a deal right now, and a large is cheaper than a medium. Do you want that instead?"

"How much cheaper?" Forde's customer blinks...

"Medium is currently $3.12... Large is $2.50..."

_"Why?"_ Then he asks a dumb question.

"Don't ask me..." Forde mutters. "I just work here." 

Actually, it's because nobody comes in here to get a _fucking smoothie._

"Alright, sure."

"Name for your order?" 

\--No one's _here_ Forde, stop forgetting that everytime store capacity shifts from full to full-on-wasteland. _You don't need to ask for a name._

But it's already hammered into Forde's brain to ask, _and he already has._

"Kyle."

"...Here or to go?"

"Uh, for here." Kyle hesitates.

"Sure. _It'll be out in a minute or so."_

Only himself and one other co-worker on the floor, as this place is pretty small. The other, who is his supervisor, is working the drive-thru. So Forde has only himself to blame if he screws up this drink. Which is likely, since he's never made a smoothie before because _no one has ever asked for one._

And why do they use real fruit here? Most places these days are cheap and just use concentrated juice or whatever... Forde is going to mess this up _colossally._ He knows it...

_This job is stupid_ ; it makes Forde unreasonably irritable over nothing now that he works mornings. No one ever really taught him how to make this... and no one's here to _aaask..._

_Whatever._ Forde makes it. Or at least something that can _pass_ as a kiwi-strawberry smoothie. Uncapping a marker, Forde writes the name on the cup only because it would look weird _not_ to. Since he's _asked_ and everything.

**_K-L-Y-E_ **

Wait. 

That's not... That's not right. 

_That's not right at all._

Why is his head is so scrambled today...? Forde's so full of muddle this morning he can't even write what may be one of the most _average_ names down correctly?

People always go out of their way to spell names wrong to make this job more exciting, but... _this was an accident._ Forde's brain isn't working today. Kyle, or rather, _Klye,_ will think he's making fun of him for mispronouncing macchiato earlier. _Or not_. Maybe Forde's just _overthinking_ this, but...

Forde shakes his head a little and just writes under it in parenthesis: 

**(Oops sorry can't spell) D:**

Hopefully, the little upset emoticon will weigh-down how bitchy he feels like he was behaving. Forde called Kyle cranky upon first seeing him... _Turns out it was just himself._

"Can I- ...Is there whipped cream?" Kyle asks.

_Right..._ if Kyle doesn't come to this place often, he wouldn't know the company makes customers _ask_ if they want whipped cream... They do all they can to save any sort of money; _Yet they can't even pay their employees enough of a decent wage._

That's okay. That's fine. No big deal _._

Forde just wishes Kyle would have said something _before_ he put a flat lid on it.

That lid, _is plastic waste._ Forde's killing the earth by having to toss it after no use what-so- _ever_. Making his job more difficult. Throwing away money _anyway_ in the end, because a plastic lid costs about as much as a serving of whipped cream in the long run.

And people always seem to not ask until _after_ he's put the normal lids on first.

And the can of whipped cream is almost empty, so after he spins a few circles onto it, it stops mid-way and just looks _ugly._ A sad stack of two separate swirls. Forde swaps for a new can half-way, _yes;_ but the presentation isn't as good as he wants it to be and that's the _only thing about this job that he enjoys._

"Sorry for uh... _it's kind of messy."_ Forde points over to the counter where the napkins are. It's not _his_ fault he nearly spilled it after having to change for a dome lid and ended up getting whipped cream on the side of the cup.

"Heh... That's fine. _As long as it tastes good_." Kyle chuckles.

_It wasn't a joke_. Why is this guy laughing? Jokes are supposed to be _funny._ No one cares if the food Forde makes looks good or not, huh....? _How sad._

After Kyle grabs a napkin and wraps it around it, he sets the cup on the counter while he reaches for his wallet. And he had already payed... _So wh_ _at's he--_?

"Here."

62 cents in Kyle's hand is extended before Forde. The difference between the medium and large.

Forde tries to point Kyle in the opposite direction. "...Tip jar is over there-" 

"But don't those jars get split up?"

"...They do." Forde inhales.

"And _you_ served me. So it's yours."

_Aww,_ how nice. ...Surprisingly.

Forde feels a little shitty with himself for expecting Kyle to give him a hard time...

"Ah, _I can't do that_. I could get in trouble. Could lose my job, _and a lot more than 62 cents."_

"Aren't you the only person here?" Kyle questions.

"There's one more person in the back..."

"So it splits between two?" 

"This shift... _yeah."_ Forde confirms.

Kyle digs out 62 more cents. Satisfied, he drops the total of one dollar and 24 cents into the jar.

Huh... That's a sort of _odd_ thing for a non-regular to do, especially since Forde can't see how any part of his service was deserving of a full-on _25 percent_ before this guy even _tried_ his food. 

_"Thanks..."_ Forde whispers. _"_ Enjoy..." 

Whatever. With it, Forde can make himself something to drink. Or at least some _part_ of something to drink. _Employee discounts should just be free._ Forde gripes to himself in his head. _As long as he's not abusing the privilege..._

_"Uh--"_ Kyle starts before allowing Forde to go and find something more to do now that there are once again no customers.

"W-would it be weird if I was here for awhile? I'm kind of stuck while I wait for my tires to get rotated down the street... and I don't know where else to go."

That takes like, what, _an hour_? Most of the people who come in and sit buy the cheapest thing on the menu while having no consideration for anyone else. They unpack their backpacks and laptops like it's their own property. Then they stay from open to evening. _Once,_ someone bought a single donut hole, sat down, and started typing away at their computer non-stop at the expense of the place's free wi-fi for _hours._

"You're fine." Forde assures.

_Really..._

A look of relief washes over Kyle's face. Poor guy must really not understand how establishments like these run... He didn't know how to pronounce macchiato, after all. Maybe that's why he felt like he needed to leave a tip. Maybe he felt like he _was_ inconveniencing Forde.

Kyle was... actually... one of Forde's more _pleasant_ customer experiences, seemingly. _At least since Forde's been on morning shift..._

The place feels kinda empty again... now that Forde has no one else to serve....

Empty... _boring..._ Maybe front register would be fun if everyone who came in was as unknowledgable to the menu items as Kyle was. It was kind of a little funny... kind of a little... _cute._

And kind of a lot more than just a _little_ nice; to go out of his way to tip like that.

  
But now... it's quiet again. Once more, _empty..._

  
Looks like it's back to cleaning. Or... stocking... or... _there really is nothing to do_. They have reached the hour where all they really _can_ do is stand around and talk. Forde's only been on this shift for about two weeks, but each individual day feels like a life-time whenever the demands lessen.

_"Fooorde."_

"Hmm?" Forde turns to Ephraim's voice behind him, hitting his head on of the hanging decorations that they had put up for the upcoming spring season. "Agh- _Damn it!"_

A string of spiral favors falls to the floor... Forde likes the decorations; they liven the space up. 

_But he doesn't like how they were told to decorate them in places where they get in the way of work._

"Why don't you take your lunch break now?" Ephraim laughs at Forde's clumsiness.. "It's dead here... and I can tell how much you're _loving_ working mornings."

"Already?"

"It's not _that_ early?" 

Forde looks at the clock. _Oh._ It's 11 already. Felt earlier than that...

"...Okay... sure, _sure._ Whatever." Forde accepts.

"If I need you I'll let you know." Ephraim states. " _Probably won't,_ so take your time."

Okay, maybe there is _one_ thing good about mornings; the manager is busy for the majority and isn't around. Instead Forde only has Ephraim to deal with. And while he _is_ Forde's supervisor; it kind of feels more like they are on level-ground. Maybe Ephraim's more like a _stupid_ -visor _._ Forde laughs to himself at the thought.

But it's as if Ephraim cares about this job as much as Forde himself. Like if they were to get perceived poorly from the public, _Ephraim wouldn't care_. He'd say something along the lines of ' _There's always gonna be someone else more important with higher status... so that stuff's not in my control.'_

Acting like he has as little authority as Forde; _He's just really easy to work with_ , in short.

Still... _Ford_ _e could use his break_ , as annoying as they are in taking away extra pay. He just gets so _bored_ with nothing else to do that he accepts it.

Forde almost filters himself out a cup of tasteless tap water and that alone, not wanting to spend more on himself and also not all that hungry. But he should eat, _he knows he should_. But if he eats too early in the morning he gets an upset stomach, and if he eats too late then he won't even have the energy to so much as stand. Forde needs a medium that won't be _too_ heavy, but will also fill him up _some_ -what.

A smoothie... _actually sounds like a really good option._

Forde knows how to make one now. _Sort of._ Well, _not really._ It's trial and error, and you can't _'_ _know how to make one_ ' after you've only made one _once._ But he at least knows how to approach it, and that if he puts the ingredients together, _some_ substance will withstand. Good tasting or bad.

Wanting a pomegranate one but not wanting to completely ruin his lunch for fear of having no idea what he's doing, _Ford_ _e settles for kiwi-strawberry_. 

And amidst his morning irritability (he is _far_ from a morning person) Forde is glad to hear a few drops of rain make contact against the glass on the windows. His break may only last about thirty minutes, but ones where he can forget for a bit that he has to spend everyday working for something he can't even _pretend_ to care about; is much better when he _forgets_ he'll have to go back to work in half an hour.

Maybe, if Forde focuses on the sound of rain and the calming silence the lack of customers brings instead of the usual conversation and talking, he can even _enjoy_ himself. As if he were just going out to lunch by himself to enjoy a relaxing atmosphere.

It's like that for a bit. The white noise and fresh smelling air giving him one of the best breaks he's ever had while working here. He wishes for a moment this could be a simple date to treat himself instead of the chore it _really_ is. The steady fall of rain to remind him that there's more to life that he wants to see instead of working under constant societal pressures. The light drizzle that eventually starts coming down harder; reminds Forde that every drop is an individual one... but together all make _something more._

He wishes... _he_ could be something more. But right now, _he has to work in a shitty-paying coffee shop._

"Was it supposed to rain today?" Forde hears behind the counter over the sounds of cleaning equipment rattling.

Ugh, _that's_ being dealt with. So when Forde's break is over he will have absolutely _nothing_ to do again.

"I don't know; _I never check the weather_." Shrugs Forde in response.

Forde responds casually before he takes a sip of his drink. The crackly sound when a straw hits a patch of air echoes through the near emptiness, and Forde shakes it to ensure the rest is easier to suck up. It's _actually_ pretty good tasting, Forde considers as he enjoys his mere _second_ attempt at a smoothie, while eyeing the drops of rain on the window collect at the bottom. The two flavors... strawberry and kiwi... actually kind of work together. Usually he doesn't like them incorporated artificially... but the _real_ fruit combined is good.

"Well, it _is_ spring..." Ephraim says before laughing dryly. "It'll probably be raining a lot these next few weeks. I don't need you borrowing my umbrella and never bringing it back."

" _It wasn't supposed to rain_." This time, the words come from across the room, in a booth. _Kyle._

Forde had forgotten this guy was even here.

And after he says it, Kyle takes a sip of his own near-empty smoothie as he glares out the window. The face he makes would lead Forde to believe that Forde didn't do a good enough job in making the first one, and is instead too tart. _But that's impossible_ \-- there is enough sugar in that thing for the average intake of about a week. Kyle's making a face about something else... _About the rain._

Forde ignores this partially, going to respond back to Ephraim for accusing him of possibly stealing his stuff. 

"Umbrellas are stupid. The walk to my house from my car would be a lot quicker if I don't have an umbrella to _open up_ and _put away._ It's such a _hassle._ Walking to the front door only takes like five seconds--"

And that's when Forde remembers this unfortunate soul, who has to walk from the coffee shop, down to the vehicle maintenence. It's not that far, _if you have a car._ But if you are walking, _in the rain_... it may take a good ten minutes. 

Forde feels a wave of relief overtake him, one where he is _certain_ now he didn't serve Kyle with an undrinkable order. He knows he shouldn't take it personally if a customer doesn't like what he makes them, but he can't help but feel _somewhat_ at fault if they _hate_ it. Even if he is just following a simple recipe.

"Right, _okay."_ Ephraim states bluntly. 

...He really thinks Forde's gonna steal his umbrella, huh? Well, maybe Forde will next time. _Just 'cause._

"That being said... it's really coming down hard now." Continues Ephraim as he's putting a few things away behind the counter. "I doubt anyone will show up. And don't you only work around two more hours today, anyway? Go home if you want. _I can handle it."_

"One and a half." _Thanks to Forde's lunch break._

"Oh, _you're right._ Jeez. Sorry for not sending you home _earlier."_

"No, it's cool." Maybe Forde shouldn't have made himself something _cold_ to drink, it's looking damp and dark outside. "Are you sure that it's fine, though?" 

Forde really wants to go home... _but it's not thaaat much longer..._

_"Yes."_ Ephraim reassures Forde.

_Thank God._ No use in arguing. _That's all he needs to hear_. Forde _really_ wants to go home.

And all Forde has is a hoodie to keep any sort of water off of him today. It will build up and make him shiver in the cold. He doesn't _want_ an umbrella; he can't pridefully ask to borrow one anymore after _that_ conversation, anyway. But maybe something that would repel water rather than absorb it would be nice... At least poor Kyle seems to be wearing a water-resistant jacket. He will _walk,_ but will manage in doing so. 

Forde goes to retrieve his sweatshirt in the back, no matter how much of a job it will or will _not_ do in keeping him dry; He's much too visibly excited to get to go home in the middle of what was his relaxing break. _It's a good state of mind._

"Forde, wait." Ephraim laughs behind him as he is almost out the door already after having clocked out. _"Don't forget..."_

Forde turns around, and sees Ephraim gesturing towards the jar of spare change and ones.

_"Oh,_ yeah."

"Why do the people who start on morning shift always forget? _Afraid to earn a bit extra?"_

"No, no. _Duh."_ Forde laughs nervously.

Forde's never forgotten _before,_ but maybe that's because at night, they are closing and there is without a doubt no one left that isn't a worker there. It's only been a couple weeks, but he doesn't like the feeling of having to count out tips while customers are still inside. Even if they themselves gave it to them-- it feels... strangely _wrong._

Forde is about ready to portion it all out in the back when Ephraim--

_"Take it."_

"...W-What?"

"You worked counter all day. _Alone."_ Ephraim reminds. "Just take it."

"No, _come on-"_

"I won't tell."

_"I don't care_!" Forde argues.

"Forde, you need it more than I do. I only work for the hell of it and to pass the time. But you could actually _use_ the money."

...Forde knows. _He knows that_. Knows he's always wanted to continue furthering art classes for himself, but instead is working minimum wage in hopes that what he's able to do to get by will be enough to let Franz do that for himself instead.

So a jar full of practically nothing... is practically everything.

"I can't..."

_"Oh. Look."_ Ephraim starts in a robotic voice, one where a person would be playing pretend. "There is a customer at the window for me to go and take their order. I think I will go and serve them. It would be a _real. Shame._ If I had forgotten to take my half of the tips today. _Oh. Well._ First come first serve is how this world works, .. _. I think_." 

Off he goes to put his headset on, blocking out any argument Forde would have that he can't just _take_ the _whole thing._ Even though the conveniently timed car at the drive thru is gone in record speed after the order is filled; Ephraim _still_ doesn't take his headset back off after the customer is gone.

"You- _You're gonna pay for this...!"_ Forde mutters in insincere warning before he's out the door. 

Frustrated... but also thankful, Forde knows he has a grin on his face. _He hopes Ephraim doesn't notice_.

"That's the _idea!_ It's _money._ I'm _paying!"_ Is the last of what Forde hears out of Ephraim before the door closes behind him.

Forde feels terrible about it, really. He's _smiling_ so wide it _hurts_ and he can't even feel the pelting of water against his face, _because it already hurts from how much he's smiling._ But he feels terrible. Not because he's taking what was Ephraim's half; it's _Ephraim's money._ So if he decides he wants to give it to Forde, _that's his decision._

But the fact that Forde's last customer of the day went out of his way to double the amount he put into the tip _just_ to guarantee Forde would get all Kyle intended to give him...? Makes Forde's stomach flip anxiously...

But it was such a nice little act of kindness on _top_ of Ephraim's that Forde can't stop _smiling._

Now in the driver's seat, waiting for the heater to warm up as he counts the general idea of about how much in tips he's gained today in total; Forde looks up through the windshield when he sees movement outside.

Oh... it's... _Kyle._ Cell phone being held out in front of him as if he were hanging up a call. 

...Is his car ready, then?

Forde... is about as clear on the details as to why he does the next thing he does; as to how clear as the sky is right now.

"Need a ride?" Forde says with _way_ too much enthusiasm after he rolls down the window a crack. 

And then he realizes he was so content he didn't think that what he just offered is a little bit on the _creepy_ side of things to do.

But Forde was so wrapped up in his own happiness he sort of, kind of... _wanted to return the good favor_. And now Kyle is looking back at him, rain soaking his hair by the second and sharp eyes narrowing in consideration.

...Why is he _considering?_ It's _weird._ Forde knows it's weird. Kyle's probably so _freaked out_ now, and Forde just lost his company a customer all with a quick little suggestion.

Forde hates his job. Always has. It shouldn't matter to him if he's losing a single customer because of his own foolish fault...

_So why is he upset at the thought of Kyle never returning back here again--?_

"Huh? A _-Are you sure?"_

It's raining pretty loudly by now. Kyle has to shout in order for Forde to hear. So of _course_ he's going to accept because it is such unpleasant weather to have to walk in.

_But still._

"Uh, sure." Replies Forde. " _Yeah..._ If you want."

Kyle nods. He is _drenched._ It's a little amusing looking; a little _pitiful._ Standing under the covered entrance for momentary shelter didn't do much for him to keep him from getting wet.

"Then come on." Forde shouts back during an involuntary smile. If Kyle's accepted, maybe he's _not_ freaked out, and hasn't taken Forde's offer the wrong way. _Good._ "You're not getting any dryer by just standing there!"

Kyle jumps, a little antsy; hastily self-aware as he makes his way over to the side of Forde's car.

Forde leans over the console to open the passenger side door. With hesitance, Kyle sits down.

"I'm uh- _I'm sorry._ I'm all- _I'm all wet."_ Kyle says nervously while holding his arms out in front of him so he doesn't get the armrests as wet as he's already gotten the rest of the seat.

_"You're fine._ I promise." 

Forde laughs; _also nervously._ The strange thought of ' _Kyle's kind of cute_ ' resurfaces; If he were a regular and Forde would get to see him more often, _maybe his job might not be all that bad after all._

_"--You're not the only one."_ Forde proceeds to remind Kyle, gesturing over himself because he's been soaked from the ongoing cloudburst, too. "You just gotta go down the street to the car place, right?"

"Hmm? Uh, Yeah, _yeah."_ Kyle looks like he forgot he had already told Forde that. _He looks kind of anxious._

He _should,_ though. _He just made the decision to sit in a random guy's car._ Careful and thoughtful in his choices. But still executing them poorly anyway, it looks like.

"I'm sorry... sorry this is sort of... _weird._ I just thought it would be a cruel thing to do to make you walk in this if you didn't have to--."

"No, no. _I_ _appreciate it..."_ Kyle mumbles, running his hand through his damp hair to keep it from sticking to his forehead. "Thanks for the good food, too."

Forde watches as Kyle digs the receipt from earlier out of his pocket and looks over it. 

_"Ahh--"_ Kyle begins, reading over the part that prints out the name of who's served you. "Forde. Thanks for the good food, _Forde."_

Amidst the chill of the cold rain and having just had something frozen to drink; somehow Forde's face flushes red and heats up with heightened temperature.

"It- It- _It was nothing_! Just following my shitty job! I never even had to make a smoothie before today. _No one ever orders those!"_

"Huh?" Kyle looks over at Forde, cocking his head...

He has... _really attractive features..._ They look a lot nicer than the miserable-looking beverage made for Kyle that Forde had _destroyed_ when he messed up the topping on it.

The iridescently vibrant green of Kyle's irises reflect into a deep umber-chestnut against the gray toned rainfall. The color in his hair would be identical, had it not all darkened from melding into itself in the rain.

He's drop dead _gorgeous,_ actually.

Forde stutters to try and think of what to say next, looking ahead. He hasn't even pulled out of the parking lot yet. _He should get on that_.

"No one-- _No one buys smoothies_! I'll be honest, _I had no idea what I was doing!"_

Kyle seems to relax a bit after hearing that as he laughs softly. _"Really?_ Well, I thought it was good. Maybe I should take the survey on the bottom of my receipt and give good feedback...?"

Forde forgot to mention that. _He's supposed to mention that to customers._ Shit. _Why'd he forget to mention the survey at the bottom of the receipt?_ What caused him to forget mentioning that this time!?

Forde's not sure if he's _deserving_ of good feedback. He's a _disaster._ And if the survey code was one _he_ handed out, that positive review would register to the company under his _own name._

"Ah, I- Uh... th- _thanks...?"_ Forde stutters.

"Nobody orders those?"

"...Nh- _Nope."_

"Maybe I could get people to start." Kyle jokes. "I'll tell them they're good. _How would people know you even serve them if they aren't on the menu?"_

Maybe Kyle _really_ did read over the menu, huh...?

"Don't do that!" Forde begs. _"Please._ I can't lie. _It's a pain in the ass for me if there are too many different menu items!"_

"Are you serious?" Kyle chuckles. "Sorry I ordered one, then. And now you're going out of your way to drive me in this weather? Maybe you don't _want_ anymore customers like _this,_ I guess."

_No._ Forde never _saaaiiid_ that! Forde wishes they were all _more_ like him, actually.

"But _I_ already know about them." Kyle continues on. "So I can't promise you that I won't be back myself to get another one sometime."

Kyle smirks and adds an unapolagetic _"Sorry!"_

"Ah, ahhh. _Ha ha ha."_ Forde tries to laugh but he knows he's struggling to get it out because instead he is blushing severely.

"I _haaave_ to come back, now. Because you probably shouldn't be encouraging customers to _not return_ and to _not_ give recommendations! Wouldn't want you losing your job over a noticeable decrease in customers."

"I. _.. I'm not technically working right now_! So I can say whatever I want! As long as it's not said publicly or during work hours, _I can bitch about it as much as I please!"_

"Alright, alright _. I see_." Kyle's ongoing smirk tells Forde that he's not completely convinced. "As long as you're coaxing your customers to tip you double in order to split evenly, _only to in the end take it all for yourself?_ I guess you can judge company policy all you want even if I _could_ potentially expose you for saying all that, right?"

Forde's face goes as pale as solid marble.

Kyle _heard_ all of that conversation with Ephraim!?

"I- I _plan to give him back his half_! Just not right now! _It's gross outside and he isn't the easiest to get through to about that kind of--"_

"I don't see why you should." Kyle interrupts. "He told you himself. _You earned it."_

What...

_What!?_

Forde thinks Kyle's joking.

" _If you want me to give you the money back I will-_ "

"I want _you_ to have it." Now, Kyle sounds nothing but serious.

When did it get so uncomfortably _hot_ in Forde's car?

"N-no. Here. I... _I feel bad_. Take it back. _I could get in trouble anyway-"_ Forde fumbles to reach for the change he had placed in his cupholder.

"--Why? Your co-worker said he wouldn't tell..." Kyle leans in and lowers his voice... "So _'Klye'_ won't tell, either."

Kyle's know-it-all _smile_ is as attractive as the rest of him.

_Not_ cute. 

Kyle is _not_ cute.

Kyle is up his own ass and just as _getting-in-the-way_ as Forde had _thought_ he would be when he first stepped through the door to the cafe.

_Kyle is not cute._

He's astoundingly _adorable._

... _Maybe Forde could get in trouble._

But maybe... if he doesn't accept Kyle's change...

There could be a lot more to lose than just his job.

_And a lot more to lose than just a dollar and twenty-four cents._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why did i abandon so many of these. they r actually still fun to go back and fix . im addicted to phordekyel. when will i slow down. all my writing is legit the same but somehow im still having fun my braim is huge when it comes to entertaining itself
> 
> trying to swap perspective each chapter but idk how lon g i can manage that considering i always have more fun writing Kiall ahhhhhhh


	5. ♡-SubPar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the universe could have blinked out of existence like a light but i'd still be fixated on my idea of Modern Established Relationship FordeKyle without even noticing. A Warning: if N E 1 has been reading any of these up until now skip this one lol it's heavily implied Route of The Problem Fordekyle yet again As Always bc i simp for that fic and their relationship built on slow affection and hidden appreciation for each other. 
> 
> me in my life doing anything at all : ok this would be cooler if i made it FordeKyle
> 
> and then i do and then you know what it is.

* * *

Watching as Forde makes the effort to select the green colored golf ball, Kyle tries to argue about it.

"What-- that's mine! I always--"

"I want the green one." Forde blinks innocently.

"Yeah, but that's _my_ thing. I always--"

"What are you, a baby throwing a tantrum when he can't be his favorite character in a video game? It's my turn to use the green one."

Kyle coughs, irritated. No matter what they're doing or playing; Kyle is supposed to get the green one if the tools available are color-coded. _It's an unspoken rule._

"Fine." Kyle shrugs. "Then I'll use the red _you'd_ typically use."

Forde does a double take as he watches Kyle pick up a golf ball of his own: The red one.

" _You can't do that!_ Then I'll get confused and try and hit yours instead!"

"What? Does that make you furious...?" Kyle prods, in order to try and get under Forde's skin the same way Forde tries to do to him. _"Y_ _ou red hot with anger?"_

"...At least I'm not _green_ with _envy."_ Forde raises his voice in order to have his come-back to be projected.

"..." Kyle grabs the green golf ball in Forde's hand and instead swaps it for the red one. _"_ _Just deal with it."_

Forde laughs at Kyle's need to have the color ball he wants as he tosses his own against the concrete so that it bounces back into his hand.

"Okay, Okay. _I'll accept it._ I'll be the bigger man here. I'm not the petty kid _you_ are."

Kyle rolls his eyes. "I'm not _'petty'_ for wanting to use the color I'm _used_ to." He then unfolds the slip of paper with a scoreboard on it that they were given at the front desk when they got their putters.

"Do you know how this point system works?" Kyle asks, confused. Next, he uses the dull end of a _complimentary_ little wooden scoring-pencil to stratch the side of his forehead.

"Hell no!" Forde shouts all _'over-the-top'_ like. "I can't remember the last time I've ever even _played_ mini golf! You have the weirdest ideas to take me out on dates, Kyle... Why can't you be like, a _normal_ adult male and treat me to a movie followed by fast-food take-out eaten in dim candlelight?"

Kyle glares Forde's way in disbelief before he walks on ahead toward the least occupied looking course. _"You're_ the one who asked if we could come here, _remember?"_

"...Oh. _Yeah,_ I did. _You're right."_ Forde realizes behind Kyle before catching up. 

When Kyle turns back around to talk to Forde, he's holding back a laugh. "You call me a baby, _but I think it's a cover-up to hide how old you're getting."_

"W- _What_ \--!? I am not ' _old.'_ You're the same age as me!"

"Then I don't see how you can _forget_ that you were the one to bring this place up! You showed me the advertisement we got in the mail last week. _You physically held it in your hand._ How could you already forget!?"

" _BECAUSE IT HAD A COUPON ON IT!"_ Forde practically shreiks in mock defense _._ "And coupons are _your_ speed. _Not mine._ So I forgot it was my idea!"

"Wh-What!?" Suddenly, Kyle flinches Backward: Partially offended. "You think that's all there is to me? You talk like I'm so _cheap_ I wouldn't spend a few extra dollars on you!? Of _course_ I would if it meant we could have a nice time toge--"

"Then how come you never let me buy a Gucci jacket?" Forde interrupts, cocking his head and raising an eyebrow quizically; As if his debate-points are making _logical sense._

...This sort of thing is a regular _Forde_ -like ruse to try and get a reaction out of Kyle.

By now, **Kyle knows this...**

_But he hasn't yet learned the self-control to not let it **work.**_

Kyle stares back at Forde with disturbed skepticism. "Are you _serious?_ You seriously think that's a _valid argument?"_

Kyle shakes his head for a moment. _Forde's ridiculous_. Why does Kyle _tolerate_ his bullshit?

Kyle points a finger towards himself so that he can vouch for his character. "I can justify spending 15 dollars to have a fun time with you. _**That's** worth the money.._. But you don't need a fucking _Gucci jacket."_

"I just want _one!"_ Forde abruptly brings his hands together as if he were begging, dropping his club and golf ball onto the ground with a loud _'clang'._

Forde continues his useless and trivial begging:

"--Just one _nice,_ one **_expensive_** thing that I can have for myself--"

Kyle doesn't let him conclude. " _You **don't need** a **Gucci jacket."**_ Kyle repeats... _Even though he shouldn't have to._

"But I _want_ a Gucci jacket!"

No... Not ' _W_ _hy does Kyle_ tolerate _his bullshit'_...

Why does Kyle _love_ his bullshit?

"I have _fun_ when I go on dates with you. But _b_ _uying_ a _**Gucci jacket?**_ Is _stupid_ because you can buy any other jacket _anywhere else_ 99 percent cheaper, and it will _still_ serve the same purpose... **_I_ **spend money on dates because it's fun and we have a good time. You **_don't_** spend money on Gucci jackets because you don't _need_ to spend money on Gucci jackets."

"Eh!? You're talking like I don't **want** to _go out_ with you! _And I never said that!"_ Forde carelessly extends his arms at his sides expressively. "I _always_ have fun with you! But I'm just tryna say I'd be havin' even _more_ fun if I went out with you while I was _also_ wearing a Gucci jacket!"

Kyle crouches down to put his notably _green_ golf ball on to a square of rubber that acts as a tee. Without waiting to establish who would go first: Kyle sends it down the track as he shakes his head from side to side. " _You're killing me,_ Forde."

Just about to walk further down towards where his shot rolled, Kyle is forcefully pushed from the back of his left shoulder before he gets the chance.

"Wha-- _What do you think you're doing!?"_ Forde asks loudly while Kyle is turning to face him. "I thought we were discussing rules!"

"Neither of us know them." Kyle states. "So let's just make our own. _You_ seem to be more invested in how you think I'm _controlling_ you by telling you that spending 2k on a _single jacket_ is a shitty investment."

As a response...

**Forde pouts.**

_...It's cute when he does that_ ; He does a good job at looking like he should be pitied. _Kyle wishes he **wouldn't**_ **.** Because if he does it too often, one day Kyle will cave and just _buy him his stupid designer clothes_ directly from the funds in Kyle's own bank account.

"Oh, **for fuck's sake--** _Maybe for your birthday._ " Kyle grumbles... _He's caving already?_ "But why didn't you even bring anything with you _tonight?_ It's freezing out here! It's only gonna get colder with sunset."

Forde grins after hearing that, and tightens a hand into a fist triumphantly as if he's just successfully won a raging war. " _I'll be fine._ I'll start bein' sweaty once we start playing. Physically _aaand_ mentally."

Then, Forde stretches his arms over his head before leaning back to pick up the equipment he had practically cast aside earlier. "Now. _How we doin' this?_ I know there's a cap on how many shots before each individual hole is _over;_ In the chance one of us wouldn't be able to sink 'em in... _But I don't know how many_."

"That's what I was getting at." Kyle elaborates. "I don't know, _either._ So... How about we just, _keep doing_ it _until_ they go in? If it takes... 20 individual strokes...? _Th_ _en so be it._ Then, at the end: We just... add it all together and who ever has the lowest score wins?"

"We could be here awhile..." Forde rests his knuckles on his hips. " _Sounds good to me."_

"Okay. _Great._ Now take your turn."

Forde smiles widely as he brushes his bangs behind his ear for a moment. "Not sure why you put so much thought into our _own_ rules, though. _ **I** plan to get **18 consecutive hole-in-ones."**_

_Oh my God I love you_. Kyle aggresively thinks to himself, while maintaining his normal _impassive_ face.

Forde whistles before he winds back and makes contact with his ball.

His first shot, _is **not** a **hole-in-one.**_

Forde lets out a small hum of defeat at his inaccuracy before restating his claim:

"...I never specified _when_ and **which** _'holes'_ I meant." 

Kyle runs his hands over and down his face, exasperated with Forde for even _thinking_ to **_say_** that.

"Jesus _God..._ All my work's cut out for me. _Forde?_ You're _killing_ me."

"Ahh ah ahhh... _I don't think I am."_ Forde replies with satisfaction. "You were sayin' before you have _fun_ with me! You only say that I'm ' _killing'_ you so you don't have to admit the fact that I'm _really_ putting ten extra years on your life."

"And a damn-well _exhausting_ extra ten years they will be."

"Nahhh. _You'll love it_." Forde grins, leaning on his club and almost falling over as he loses balance.

Forde is right. Kyle _will_ love it... But when Kyle tells Forde that he's killing him, Forde doesn't seem to understand just _exactly_ what Kyle means.

Forde's not killing _him._ Forde is instead everyday killing the parts of a much _younger_ Kyle; Who never could have _imagined_ he could **ever** have so much _love_ for another person.

So, in reality? Forde has _already_ killed Kyle.

Or at least, _the Kyle he **used** to be_.

And Kyle will love it. He _already has_ and _**already does.**_

" _You think so?_ " Kyle challenges.

"Mmmhh- _hmmm_." Forde nods.

Kyle sighs through a smile; Leaving the conversation at that.

...Nothing makes Kyle quite as happy as when Forde confirms that he _knows Kyle loves him._

And that happiness alone isn't all there is. There's more; There's always more. Kyle still can't figure out just _how_ he fell so hard, but he can figure out _why._

Why wouldn't he? Yeah, maybe Kyle does his share of having to tolerate Forde... _B_ _ut Forde does the same for Kyle._ And inbetween all of Forde's nonesense (and sometimes disagreements), is someone who Kyle can't do anything much more than be _genuinely proud_ of. 

Maybe not the strongest and smartest _physically,_ Kyle considers; As he watches Forde take a second attempt, and not even be able to get a hole-in _-two_. But... _Holy shit._ If Forde so easily was able to grab _Kyle's_ interest? The _rest_ has gotta count for something.

Kyle can't even remember who he was before Forde killed his old, bitter, and lonely self. _And he sure as hell never wants to again have to._

Never again. Kyle _never_ wants to go back to the way he was. Forde whining and walking up to him, only to wrap his arms over Kyle's shoulders reminds Kyle this yet again.

"Take your _turrnnn._ There's people at the window buying a game." Forde groans halfheartedly. "They're gonna catch up to us and we're gonna slow them dooown!"

...Kyle doesn't see how that's his problem. _They can wait_. Kyle had to wait all his life to find something that makes him as happy as being with Forde does... Kyle spent 15 dollars on tonight between the two of them. _So h_ _e plans to enjoy it._

Kyle gives Forde a quick peck on the cheek after his distracted thoughts subside a bit. Forde's skin is ice-cold. _He really should have worn something warmer_. But if Kyle mentions it to him again, it's not gonna solve anything.

"We'll finish this hole and then we can let them go on ahead." Kyle tells Forde. "Wouldn't want them witnessing all your _record-breaking_ hole-in-ones."

"..." Forde ponders for a moment before tightening his grip around Kyle. " _That sounds like a good plan_."

Kyle laughs, pats Forde on the back of his head, and then pries himself off.

_Forde's probably cold already_. Kyle gathers as much from Forde's desperation to cling onto him so tightly, and the way he rubs his arms once he doesn't have Kyle to hug for too long.

He'll complain about it later. _And that's when Kyle will give him shit over it._

Kyle takes his turn. _It lands._ "...Two points for me." Kyle mumbles as he takes out the scoreboard to mark the first box.

It takes Forde two more.

"Hmm... I think you may beat me." Forde says after he sits down on one of the course's large rocks. Kyle's already told the group behind to go on ahead, So now they're waiting for them to finish up here while Forde swings his legs back and forth.

"It's not about who wins." Kyle says, still standing patiently. "It's _mini golf._ We're not even using real rules."

"I think... If you beat me? _I_ _'ll give you a little praise."_ Forde says with no emotion and pure seriousness.

"I think you should shut up."

\--Kyle also thinks he may want to know what sort of _'praise'_ Forde is wagering here...

Kyle remains silent as he decides he can try and win tonight... _But not to see what's at stake_ , or anything.

Forde breaks his act and doubles over laughing.

"You're so _smooth._ Lettin' them go ahead. Such a thoughtful person. Such a _gentleman._ Such a--"

"Shut up." Kyle cuts him off.

"Ha! Why? Because you don't want your praise until _after_ you win?"

"...If that's the sort of ' _p_ _raise'_ you meant, _I don't want it at all."_

Forde lets out his much-too- _l_ _oveable_ laugh before he hops up from off the rock and ruffles Kyle's hair. " _You're such a good boy_." He says in a voice that should be reserved for a _dog._ "Who's a good Kyle!? _You are_ \--"

_"Stop."_ Kyle hopes his reply sounded nothing other than irritated. He does _NOT_ like it when Forde does this type of thing. Kyle is _nothing other than irritated._

"I think you deserve a treat." Forde leans in to kiss Kyle over and over; All around different parts of his face. " _Look at how happy and excited you are!"_

_"Stop!"_ Kyle tries again, but it loses all meaning when he accidentally cracks a smile.

...And it does look like Kyle may win. But Kyle knows it's only because Forde's not trying. Instead, he's taking uncalculated shot after shot. Overshooting. _Under_ shooting. Sometimes just whiffing completely. But those are better than when he hits the ball so hard it flies airborne onto another track, and he has to go interrupt other people in the middle of a game to go and retrieve it.

At around the ninth hole, Forde seems to have given up on playing just for the _hell_ of it, and instead decides it's time to actually _try._

"OK Boss, check this out. I'm about to do what's called a pro-gamer move."

"Please don't call me _'Boss.'"_ Kyle scoffs into the cool air. It's chilly enough that he can see his own breath.

"Sorry, _my dearest love_." Forde rears his club up, vertical in the air. "It's time for me to roll out the META."

Kyle watches with his arms crossed and leaning in with anticipation: To better see what the Most Effective Tactic Available Forde has thought up _this_ time could _possibly_ be.

In a swift motion, Forde karate chops a side of the ball.

The side, accidentally, _in front._ Whereas if it were behind, it would have shot forward towards the end of the track.

But it _wasn't._ And it instead ricochets off of the stone wall that contains the turf-- And collides **right into Forde's shin.**

_"FUCK!"_

Forde shouts. Alarmed and in pain; He hops up and down on one foot as he holds the injured one to his chest.

"Eh-- H- _Hush_! There are _children_ here!" Kyle laughs anxiously before hastily dropping his putter, and making his way over to Forde so that he can hold him up by his shoulders.

"Stay away from me!" Forde tries to hold one of his hands out to signal Kyle to not come any closer. "You're just _laughing!"_

"Oh, come on. I'm not _laughing_ at **_you!"_** Kyle tries to get Forde to move over and sit on one of the benches randomly dispersed throughout the course. "Just because I'm laughing doesn't mean it's because I found it _funny!_ I laugh when I'm _uncomfortable,_ too!"

_"'Uncomfortable?'"_ Forde spits in spite. **_"You're_** uncomfortable?! The one who _didn't_ just hit a golf ball like, _80 miles an hour_ into his shin is the **' _uncomfortable'_** one here!?"

Forde may be tearing up from the unpredictable impact he put himself through, but **_he's_** _laughing as well._

Kyle eventually sits Forde down while he himself kneels on the ground.

"You're laughing just as much as me!" Kyle points out.

" _Just because I'm laughing doesn't mean it's because I find it funny."_ Forde mocks in a deep tone of voice. _"I'm laughing because I'm 'uncomfortable'._ "

An audible _'tch'_ of annoyance is heard out of Kyle. "Look, _I'm sorry for laughing_. Now, _are you okay?"_

Kyle, amidst his sneering and admitted _laughing,_ tries his hardest to show Forde he's not _happy_ that he's hurt himself. In a fumbling attempt, Kyle rolls up the material of Forde's pants to the best of his ability.

"Thanks for asking _first and foremost."_

Kyle ignores this.

_"--Jesus,_ babe! I knew your jeans were tight but how the hell do you still have circulation in your legs? _I can hardly--"_

**"--Makes my ass look good."**

After hearing this; Kyle shakes his head and exhales through his teeth, grinning. **"** _ **That** it **does**_ **...** But I'm trying to check if you went and bruised yourself!"

"I'm sure I did. If not now: _I_ _t will later."_

"Okay, _fair."_ Kyle sighs. "But we don't want it to swell... It's gonna hurt in the next few days if it _bruises_ and _swells._ And I can't really get a good look at it because I can hardly get the hem of your pants over the bottom half of your leg!"

"So what!?" Forde exclaims. "It's not like we can just, go grab some ice right now. _It's **gonna** bruise_, okay? Not much we can do. Stop using it as an excuse to _judge_ my choice of ass-hugging attire."

"Oh, **I** will _not._ Because this also means you have like, _no_ shock absorption when you get hit with golf balls. Just because your _stark white skinny jeans_ accentuate _every curve_ of your body? _Do_ _esn't mean they're good for functionality over fashion."_

"Well, _soooo_ -rry." Forde cries sarcastically. "Guess I forgot to put into consideration how often I _get hit with golf balls_ in my everyday life. Guess I can't _**flaunt** my **ass**_ anymore."

" _You can flaunt your ass!_ Ugh, You're allowed to-- _Yo_ _u're allowed to flaunt_... Ah, _Damn."_ Kyle loses his sentence, looking up at Forde pouting in the illumination of garden lamps and string lights. _"_ But... I like it best when _I_ get to be the one to _hug_ it. Flaunt a little less and maybe save yourself the bloodshed."

"You don't even wanna see my ass anymore." Forde forces a frown so _sadly._

_"No!_ What I _don't_ want to see is you hurt yourself with stupid, _deadly_ mini putt-putt strategies... _Now."_ Kyle leans down to kiss Forde's leg. "You're right about the no ice thing. So this is all I can do to help you right this second."

"You think _kissing it better_ will **_help?!"_**

_"Yes."_

Forde throws his head back laughing. _"Yeah._ You're right. _**It does."**_

Kyle presses his lips to the reddening spot in question one more time before smiling and standing up to be level with Forde.

_"Told you."_ This time, Kyle leans over to kiss _Forde himself._ "Now, how 'bout I try out that META of yours for myself--?"

"Shut up, _dooon't!!"_

"Eh? _Why not?"_ Kyle teases, cupping the side of Forde's face in one palm.

"You're not funny! I messed up. _Okay!?_ I know. It's not the META; _I_ _t's more like the WETA."_

Kyle blinks, dumbfounded. "...That sounds disgusting."

"It is! It _is_ disgusting! The _Worst_ Effective Tactics Available _are_ disgusting because I'm gonna have an uhhh- _gly_ bruise on my leg tomorrow. _Lesson learned_. Don't try and mock me by doing it yourself!"

Kyle reaches to gently hold the other half of Forde's face in both hands now, as well. _"Don't worry yourself."_ Kyle hopes he looks downright _smug_ in this dramatic lighting and circumstance. "I'm not quite as stupid as you to even _try_ what you just did."

**"--Yet."** Forde squints.

_"...Yet."_ Kyle agrees.

Forde's little episode seems to have quieted down; He is no longer crying in momentary agony and thankfully seems to have recovered.

...There's never a dull moment with him... Face now softly cradled in Kyle's hands; Forde's so breathtaking when he's not shouting _'fuck'_ in pain at the top of his lungs.

_"...I love you._ " Kyle finds himself whispering out of no where.

It wasn't on purpose. Kyle just says it sometimes without thinking. _**And he says it a lot** because **Forde so often makes him forget how to think.**_

"By the way..." Forde doesn't so much as _acknowledge_ Kyle's words. "...Can I wear your jacket?"

Oh. He's cold enough to admit defeat _already,_ is he? 

"I love you, _but not enough to make myself get hypothermia_." And Kyle wants to give Forde even more shit than that, _but he feels bad about Forde having hurt himself._

At this, Forde grumpily stomps his feet. _Like a child throwing a tantrum_ , Kyle notes.

"I'm really _cooollldddd."_

"I warned you." Kyle reminds.

Forde soon hangs his head toward the ground... He looks so... **_sad..._**

Ugh, _shit._

Kyle rolls his eyes and angrily unzips his jacket before tearing it off and blanketing it vigorously over top Forde's head.

Forde laughs quietly underneath before taking it off his face and slipping his arms through it. _"I love you, too."_ He mimics, muffled.

"...Not until after you always get what you want out of me."

"And _you_ don't love _me_ until I **_hurt_** myself." Forde finally stands back up so that he can start a search party in order to find the guilty golf ball; Wherever it supposedly ended up landing after the incident.

"I hope you know there's no truth to what you just said." Kyle grumbles at Forde's lie.

" _I know_. But I hope you realize I love _you_ even when I'm **_not_** trying to get something off or out of you!"

"Yes..." Kyle turns away, crossing his arms. It really _is_ cold out here. "...But it's hard to remember when you're only ever _all the_ _time_ trying to **_use_** me."

"Well of _course_ I'm gonna use you!" Forde beams. "I'll do it respectively; _You're your own man_. But I'm gonna use you as much as possible, because using _your_ company makes _my_ life better and more enjoyable."

Kyle sniffs at the onset of a runny nose. "...I'm cold, Forde."

Ah, _Forde's enough company on his own_. Kyle thinks as he turns back around to look at him. _He doesn't need **Kyle's** company._

_But he's glad he still gets to share it._

"Well then, we should get going!" Forde offers.

It's okay... They're in no rush. Even if Kyle feels like his fingers could freeze off. He doesn't want their time to go to waste. He wants to fully live in every second, every day. _It'd be fine_. Because if Kyle's being honest with himself? The only _sort-_ of oversized jacket of Kyle's looks a _lot better_ on Forde's not-much slimmer shoulders than on his **_own._**

_...And a **lot** better than a **Gucci jacket** would._

"No. Let's take our time." Kyle says confidently. "I can grab something warm at the concession stand when we're done here."

"Hmm? _You sure?_ I wouldn't want you freezing your ass off--"

_"I'm fine."_ Kyle inhales. The evening air is about as stale as every moment spent with Forde; _Not at all._ "...But if I need you to continuously stand closer to me until the end so that I can keep myself warm: _Y_ _ou will."_

Forde smiles with a familiar serenity in his eyes...

_"Naturally."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 90 percent of my FordeKyle-ing is derived from my own life but edited to fit Forde and Kyle a bit better; that much is true. but i wish i could say the part where Forde hits himself in the shin with the golf ball was made up entirely but no that part was real and i still am bruised from it :/
> 
> boys is Dumb and there is no way anyone can convince me that a Modern Established Relationship Kyle doesnt lose all of his previous sense of PDA-humility and that hes not clingy and lovey-dovey as All Fuck .
> 
> BECAUSE WITHOUT BEING A KNIGHT WHERE ELSE IS HE GONNA PUT ALL THAT LOYALTY HUH??? HUH??? Sometimes im like do i make Modern Kyle OOC? then i think abt it and like. of course i dont. and even if i did doesnt matter my fic i can do what i want with him. MacKyleMore and Gucci Forde solidarity.


	6. ☆-In Due Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today i'm will thinking about how "they lived their days in happiness as dearest friends--" and that always makes me soft and i want to elaborate on them post-war and even some of what i like to think pre-knightly times would have been like
> 
> or at least what i want to think of it. i inspect kyle much too deeply all the time i know but it is what it is.
> 
> and this is a MESS and doesnt even make sense i KNOW.

The passage of time often feels like a slow and grueling one.

The withstanding of fear and uncertainty makes it feel all the longer.

_Until that part is up._ Then, every day afterward in peace and joy feels almost like a hazy, ongoing dream.

Each morning now, is one where Forde can wake up to the sound of Kyle clearing his throat after he takes a sip of the routine tea he boils. Forde so easily can just walk out to the sound of ceramic repetitively being picked up and placed back on their wooden dining table. Without thought, Forde can wrap his arms over Kyle's chest from behind and rest his head on his shoulder.

Within their first few years of retirement, Kyle almost always would be reading over a letter addressed to him back from Renais during these mornings. He made sure to keep in contact; even when most of the ones being sent back were hardly ever from Ephraim's own hand. 

However, when they were, a rare event it was. And Kyle would reach his arm back to tilt Forde's face a bit closer.

"See this?" He tells him, forehead gently pressing against his own. "See how, whenever Ephraim can find the time in his busy schedule to write me back himself... Do you see how he's always asking if _'Forde's_ taking care of himself'?"

Forde cranes his neck a bit when this is asked in order to get a better look at the transcript. When he has to do this, Kyle feels so close... and _is._

Forde confirms that yes, it does say that. 

"Yeah?"

"That's because even now, he thinks you're too much an idiot to take care of yourself on your own." 

Kyle then folds the paper and gently drops it on the table, laughing so quietly it wouldn't be noticeable had the life they went on living not became such a peaceful one.

"How can you be so sure?" Forde matches Kyle's laugh, pressing his lips to the creases at the corner of Kyle's smiling eyes. "I just think that he cares about how I'm doing; He hasn't asked about _you_ because _your_ life doesn't matter to him any longer."

"That makes no sense." Kyle exhales, furrowing his brow. "No one can ask about _you_ and not expect to hear about _me,_ as well."

The truth to that statement is a telling of time on its own.

Eventually, the letters coming and going would slow down. Yet the closeness between them has only grown since then, somehow. Forde had thought they were close when they were younger. When before Forde had lost his mother and father. When Kyle would be told by his own parents he should be more social instead of being so fixated on nothing but aspirations.

Even now, Forde recalls a frowning, much more _child_ -like Kyle occasionally knock on the home Forde had grown up in.

"My mom says I have to talk to people again..." Kyle would blink, looking away impatiently. " _Let's do something."_

There were a select few others who lived nearby their same age.

So for Kyle to always show up and choose to spend his arguably _'forced'_ social time with Forde among anyone else, ended up helping Forde in getting through his family's eventual deaths.

After _that_ happened, Kyle came by even more often. Kyle never admitted it, but after that Forde knew it was always on his own volition. _Kyl_ _e visited because he wanted to_ ; not because his parents told him he should.

Young Kyle was an extremely difficult kid, Forde knew even back then. He always acted as if he were the center of the universe, but it was very apparent he didn't _feel_ that way about himself. Always showing off to anyone and everyone; it grew a bit more obvious to Forde about when what Kyle did was _more_ than just 'showing off'.

_He was touchy_. Touchy with everyone. Kyle would hold hands with the girls he tutored in school as he explained equations to them. Push people out of the way when they were in abrupt danger, holding their shoulders to look them in the eyes afterward to ensure they were okay. He wouldn't hesitate to help out some of their older neighbors who had trouble getting around.

But every single one of Kyle's deeds seemed almost fake.

Kyle, _was an extremely difficult kid._

It was clear to Forde that Kyle didn't want to win these people's appreciation. What he wanted was the feeling of being a do-gooder for himself. So after Forde lost his parents it was hard-- _At the time_ \-- For Forde to see Kyle's actions towards Forde as anything more than obligation.

Back then, Forde thought whenever Kyle would hug him so tightly; It was only because _Kyle himself_ wanted the attention. If you pity the lonely kid who has to fend for himself and his practically infant brother? That's a secure way to ensure you're a good person, _right?_

That's what Forde thought, at least. There couldn't have been much more to it than that. Kyle's arms around him always felt so warm and inviting; Surrounding and almost suffocating. As if Kyle acting like he was the center of the universe was wrong entirely; _Forde felt it was the other way around_. As if he were the center and Kyle was the universe itself carrying all of Forde's troubled weight.

They were so uplifting-- Even though Kyle had yet to reach adolesence and was then still shorter than Forde-- That they made Forde feel like Kyle was the biggest and most important part of his life. They always eased Forde's pain, even if he felt they weren't meaningful at all to Kyle on Kyle's end.

_'Kyle hugs are the best_.' Forde would think time and time again. No longer having the warmth and love a child needs of a mother, but knowing he at least had a friend who would help him when he needed it. _Regardless of 'why_.' They always felt so strong, and Forde would wonder if they felt that way because Kyle was frustrated with himself for not being able to beat Forde in sparring matches. If the only place Kyle could be stronger was when he was with Forde in mourning and by holding him; _Forde believed Kyle took that as his own opportunity._

It didn't matter the reasoning all that much. Because they really were the best form of security that Forde could find. Forde would try and rehearse it the same way as Kyle when he took care of Franz; Since Kyle hugs so often reminded Forde that Forde was still here. _Even if his mother wasn't_. Forde felt loved, to some degree. And if he was able to hug Franz the way Kyle hugged him; _Franz was sure to feel loved_ , too.

_Kyle was just a touchy and needy kid_. Forde thought. While Forde loved this and the feeling, the physical reassurance didn't mean anything much out of Kyle. _The only reason Kyle hugs him is because it makes Kyle feel good about himself_.

On some instances, when Forde was a bit more quiet and thoughtfully _alone_ in his struggles, Kyle would stand boldly with his arms crossed.

_"I'm staying here tonight_. My mom said I could. It would be dangerous to head home now, since It's getting dark out."

Forde picked up that since it was always on Forde's more _depressed_ days; Kyle probably had never asked his parents at all. _Kyl_ _e would do what he wanted_. And decided himself that staying over was okay.

Whenever Kyle spent the night, he would use Forde's bed as his own. _Touchy;_ He would wrap his arms tightly around Forde's waist and fall asleep until he was snoring into Forde's back.

On the emptiest of days, when Forde was at his absolute _worst,_ Kyle would even kiss him on the forehead. 

Forde thought nothing of it. Even if all the other 'hugging' and 'holding' type of stuff he'd seen Kyle do to everyone else; _But never saw him **kiss** anyone before_. At least in Forde's presence, he thought. After all, Kyle would never kiss _Forde_ unless he made sure no one else was around. _Kyle probably did it to everyone else in secret,_ too.

Forde felt loved. _Forde felt reminded that he was still alive._

Although thought of as a confidence-booster for Kyle, Forde still became attatched to the attention. So as they grew older and Kyle eventually grew out of all that, it almost felt like a swap in personality. Kyle soon began to never so much as _hold another person's hand._

It all died off, and with it died that comforting and constant assurance that Forde was alive. 

It was as if they had shaped each other's selves, and eventually learned each other's behaviours and kept them as their own. _Kyle didn't need to do those things anymore:_ Forde assumed Kyle found he could gain the attention he needed in _other_ ways.

With that time and change, the closeness which Forde had relied on stopped feeling all that _close._ Even with them being around each other having a surge in frequency; Since it was an important part of Kyle's own becoming of a knight. They were together all the time-- Now more often than not. _But it felt further away than ever before._

Forde began to wonder if he would ever get to feel one of those _personally_ -famous hugs of Kyle's ever again. Of course, Kyle didn't need them any longer. Kyle's hard work was finally paying off, and he was getting his needed recognition. Recognition of reasonable studying, proactive training, and a committed atittude. 

_Not_ recognition from the self-satisfaction he _used_ to get out of being there for Forde.

Kyle didn't need that anymore. And... _neither did Forde,_ really. Forde could live without it. Kyle's old attention brought him here anyway, to begin with. _Those days were simply over._

Even so, their sort of switch in personality was prominent. Just because Forde _could_ live without Kyle's closeness... _D_ _oesn't mean he wanted to._

Forde obviously could withstand the lack of constant attention from who he still _was_ capable of calling his most dear friend. _But it wasn't quite as fulfilling._

Kyle as a young adult, was _also_ a very difficult person. Forde not once anymore saw Kyle try and overcompensate with others by performing almost 'too many' acts of kindness. Not like Kyle _used_ to do. Kyle did what he needed, _and no more and no less._

How could Kyle have changed so much and why? Forde didn't know. But Kyle was still by his side through it all. It still meant _just enough_ to help Forde get through his own training. As Forde very quickly realized having to _kill_ to live wasn't something befitting of himself.

Kyle seemed to feel the same way, honestly. He wouldn't come out and say it, but Forde could tell fighting for peace drained Kyle more than it left him feeling full.

And that, was enough for Forde to know the Kyle who used to try so hard to _be_ there for Forde, _was still around._

And just like that: Just as Kyle's clear and transparent regard had once died off, _it eventually regrew_. Even more attentive and even _closer_ than it had been from when they were young.

It took _years._ Years of slow rebuilding of a friendship that Forde felt was stripped away because of their work. But oddly enough, the thing that took it away also brought them together again. With Forde having picked up on so much of Kyle's younger affectionate and caring ways, and non-stop being around one another. Forde was bound to, at some point, allow it to get the better of him. _Forde still held the trust and fondness for Kyle he had all those years back._

While still not the touchy person Kyle used to be, time began to show that with enough spending it around each other; They ended up being able to communicate again more. And Forde started to realize this whole time that he's craved and loved Kyle's presence: Was because he loved Kyle as a person. 

Even if _some_ of that presence was gone, Forde could hold onto what remained.

_The affection Kyle had spent so long showcasing was now being displayed in Forde_. Kyle would still shy away, even with added _verbal_ communication; Kyle was always too focused on how everything else was more important.

_But it was there_. Forde just had to put the effort in himself.

It would take many, _many_ years for Kyle to admit his distant thoughtful childhood behaviours weren't exactly because he wanted _other_ people's praise.

One day, on a more casual and cooler autumn morning. In the middle of one of their simple and relaxed painting lessons; Kyle had hummed softly years worth of heavy words into the brisk air.

"It was because I wanted _you_ to notice me... But you always took it the wrong way. It was frustrating. I felt it wasn't working, treating you that way. _So I stopped."_

Despite the hesitance in Kyle's tone of voice, this was the closest Forde had ever felt to Kyle up until this very moment.

And further more, Kyle continued. "I, uh... Well, by the time I realized **why** it was _your_ attention that I tried so hard to win over... _I suddenly didn't know how to try and **get** it from you_, anymore." 

Kyle had laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck. Almost as if he _once more_ was trying to win Forde's attention.

_He just didn't know how to go about it._

And instantly, it all made sense. That closeness flooded back in powerful waves. How younger Kyle would be distant and forcefully show off to everyone else. But when it was just the two of them-- If Forde _really_ thought about it a bit more-- It admittedly did feel to Forde that _maybe_ Kyle acted in such ways for _more_ than just obligation.

Kyle had tried to show Forde he was a good person in the face of others. _And Forde had seen **that.**_ But what Forde failed to see was _why_ and for _who_ it was Kyle tried so hard to look perfect in front of.

That yield and hault of Kyle's in being comfortable to be there for Forde... Was only _really_ stopped because Kyle knew his overbearing express in emotion would and _could not_ yet get through to Forde as real, _caring_ affection. At least, at that particular time and place in their youth.

Forde almost felt bitter at the realization that it was his _own_ negligance; That Kyle gave up on what Forde had loved and grown accustomed to.

And at this point in their lives, living life instead of feeling death; Forde is able to understand that even though it took some time to comprehend: _Kyle really did succeed in grabbing every part of Forde's attention._

And after that, it took even longer before Kyle would admit to the _next_ part.

And maybe that closeness they shared now really isn't all _that_ much closer from when they were kids, Forde couldn't help but think. Instead, it became even a _mix_ of their earliest days and their time as cavaliers. The _beginning:_ From Kyle being there physically-- And the previous part: Of Kyle only just having it in himself to do nothing more than _li_ _sten_ to Forde with thoughtful insight during cold nights at the castle.

_Both_ of those closenesses in Kyle came back all together; Once they started living with each other.

The slow resurfacing of Kyle wrapping his arms tightly around Forde's chest in near-drowning embraces. Late night conversation over candlelight as the cooler season brought snow outside. Kyle falling asleep with him in at first just the same home, then the same room... _and then the same bed._ Kyle sometimes bringing up how happy he is to see how far Forde had gotten and how far he himself had gotten in life _with_ Forde. Mid-day lunch, when Kyle would hesitantly reach his hand out over the table to hold Forde's own in silence. 

Kyle wouldn't ever mention these acts as unnatural, but he was clearly very _anxious_ in bringing them back into habit. Perhaps the most unnerving one for him was when he-- For the first time since they were young-- _Leaned down to kiss Forde on his forehead._

The Kyle that had played such an important role in getting Forde through his darkest times in childhood _was still here._

Forde will never forget that. As soon as Kyle had done it, he turned away and immediately began stuttering a string of incoherent words with no relation to anything else. But when Kyle finally mustered up the strength to turn back towards Forde in order to judge whether or not what he just did was going too far... _On_ _ly to see Forde in **no way** offended_...?

Kyle kissing him on the forehead became a daily thing.

Until it became more than just his _forehead_ that Kyle was kissing, at least.

"I think you probably have been able to gather this much..." Kyle one day mutters, _years_ after they first left their duties and _years_ after their closeness returned in _every capacity._ "But I have much stronger feelings for you rather than you just being my closest friend."

Kyle doesn't make a big deal over saying this. It's just another one of their average mornings. Probably, because like Kyle suggests when he confesses it; _It is in no way news to Forde_.

How could it be? Everyday Kyle either wakes up being held by Forde or holding Forde himself. Everyday Kyle makes the effort to wrap his arms around him, running his fingertips up and down the shape of Forde's back. Everyday Kyle kisses him; Sometimes with a such a _burning_ passion that he never even had back during his time as a knight. Somedays, they've even done more than all _that._

Kyle doesn't do these things for himself, Forde finally knows this. _Kyle does them because he loves Forde._

And Kyle did what he did all those years back, too. _Because he loved Forde._

And Kyle doesn't find it a big deal either when Forde tells him:

"I'm sure you already have gathered as much to be able to tell me that, yourself. _But I feel the same way you do."_

From here, maybe they actually... _are_ the closest they've ever been. Maybe they were hardly close at _all_ as kids: If Forde compares it to _now._

Maybe Kyle not taking too long after this, to eventually **use** the word _'love':_ Means they can _not_ in _any_ way manage to **get** any closer.

"You've always been the most important thing to me." Again, Kyle doesn't make a big deal over informing Forde this. "It took you a while... but I'm so happy to know you know that I love you."

Kyle doesn't even _look_ like that distant and uptight knight he had once maintained in himself for so long. Now he only looks like _closeness_ and _home_ and **_love._**

"It took me a while to know for certain that this more quiet lifestyle is what I wanted... but now that I have: _I only ever want to spend the rest of it with you_."

Forde's not sure why Kyle felt the need to add this. Not only was it obvious; But they've _already_ been spending their whole lives together.

Almost like the death and rebirth of Kyle's affection-- Sometimes-- On mornings that always only ever seem warm and rejuvenating; Kyle somehow holds a newly written letter that's found its way into his hand.

"Would you look at that? ' _Is Forde giving you a hard_ _time_?' He's asking. _'I hope he's doing well_.'" Kyle reads aloud.

"Do you plan on replying?" Forde laughs, running his fingers through Kyle's hair to flatten out the more dense parts. 

"Of course; I always do. I'll tell him what I do every other time. ' _No more than he has all these years_.' And then to calm his worries, I'll let him know that _'We're doing fine'."_

"...Are you graying?" 

"What? _I'm not--!"_ Kyle drops the letter in his hand, reaching behind him to see where exactly Forde supposedly found a gray hair. "A-A- _And even_ _if I were_ , it wouldn't matter to me. _It happens to everyone."_

"Looks like it's happened to you."

Kyle grumbles. " _Because of the stress you put me under."_

Kyle claims he doesn't care. But if Forde's quiet enough: He can some mornings find Kyle leaned over the vanity mirror, picking apart the roots of his temples as if there were something there he were _looking_ for.

Time is-- At times-- _A grueling and scary thing_. The fear and uncertainty of having to fight for Renais was... _Now that Forde looks back on it_... Maybe _just_ as scary as losing his parents had been. 

The time period where himself and Kyle lost a portion of their connection was yet another terrifying experience. Even if it helped bring them here _now;_ At the time, Forde had no way of knowing it was going to do that.

The realization that this current way of living: That Forde's _finally_ grown to love in full, **will one day reach its end?**

This had frightened Forde the very minute he _knew_ living with Kyle was going to be the happiest time in his life.

It will last until their time is up, **but no more thereafter.**

The almost not-even- _visible_ paling in a couple strands of Kyle's hair is yet _another_ reminder that time is an ongoing and worrisome thing.

But... Over time, time becomes less grueling. And is instead more pleasant.

Through all that fear of time, _Kyle was always around._

Kyle was always close, in some capacity. Forde thinks they _can **not**_ get any closer than they are today. But then again... _He thought that from the very beginning._

Maybe it's now going too _fast._ Maybe when he was a child he had wanted it to speed up. Maybe if it did that, Forde would have been able to somehow, some _where_ see his mother again.

Maybe... Forde now wouldn't mind it if he could go revisit the past and relive the first time Kyle had hugged him. Maybe it would be _okay_ if it were to slow back down. Maybe if Forde could go back, he could tell his younger self the closeness of Kyle's was only just the _beginning_ of the time they have yet to spend together.

Saying goodbye to Kyle is the worst sounding thing _this_ time around. He knows one of them will have to go first. Forde always used to wish it would be himself. If _that_ were the case, it would have eased the pain of having lost his mother so early on. And it would ease the pain of how he would feel if it were instead Kyle who had to leave before Forde did.

But it would also leave Kyle alone. And if he were to do that, Forde wouldn't be able to be there for Kyle the way Kyle had been for Forde all those years ago.

_If Kyle had to leave first:_ Forde would understand. Even if death would eventually tear away their closeness, Forde would now know it would still have been **real** instead of how he _used_ to think Kyle didn't really care.

Forde can't say for certain what will happen when that time comes. Who will be the first to die. Whether or not Forde will be able to see his mother again. Whether or not he will be able to see Kyle again. Whether or not he will be able to see Kyle again as who Kyle is _now;_ Or maybe instead see Kyle born into someone else completely.

But... Forde shouldn't be worrying about that now _. Since they still **have** time_. They really aren't all _that_ old.

_Kyle's just graying from the stress of having to deal with Forde._

They have _so_ much more time.

Forde doesn't necessarily believe in life after death; But he certainly doesn't believe that there isn't one, either.

And since he at least believes in love, _Forde has nothing to fear._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> about once every 5 months i allow myself to think about the one thing in 8 that kills me dead. of course ive spent time and time again overanalyzing forde and kyles supports + their paired ending. its needed to be a fordekyle demon such as myself. never said that i did it WELL.
> 
> BUT the thing that , to me, isnt even OVER analyzing is a specific quote and its from franz.
> 
> when he's talking to amelia:
> 
> "Franz: Yes, well. Um… My brother’s a knight, too, and he’s had someone like that for a long time. I’ve always been envious of the competitive relationship he has. They compete, and they argue, and they bicker… But I know they respect one another, and they grow together. I envy that."
> 
> and that single set of dialogue KILLS ME DEAD WOUNDS MY ENTIRETY. for a few reasons
> 
> 1\. forde and kyles relationship is blatantly OBVIOUS to franz. its obvious from someone elses standpoint. not even just one of them its franz damn its franz who understands their relationship as important !!!!
> 
> 2\. oh my god they GROW together...oh my GOD respect and GROWING TOGETHER
> 
> 3\. and the most hitting part of it is franz , if reaching A -Support with amelia, marries her and that legit implies nothing more than if Amelia really ends up being to him the way Kyle is to Forde (since thats what he asks out of her)... WELL I'M SURE YOU CAN FIGURE THAT OUT
> 
> i only allow myself to think abt it every 5 months or so tho. bc if i do it any more i'll die of heart too big for the rest of my body


	7. ♧-Two Truths & A Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (me in the middle of going back and finishing this from march and the redgreen ciphers are shown and i've never been more alive but i've also never been more PISSED about how utterly CUCKED they got as the both WORST and UN-VISIBLE spots on the card. sorry had to get that out of my system. fuck you intsyt why you hate them so much?? i'll keep em if u dont want em???)

Forde is fed up with him. 

_Kyle can tell._

He's not actively telling Kyle to _'calm down'_ or _'hold up'_ on his faster-than-average pace at getting through each section of acre throughout this fairly large batonical garden Forde was given tickets to.

But Forde constantly having to play catch up tells him this well enough.

_He probably regrets asking me to tag along in the first place..._

Kyle thinks to himself while simultaneously wondering how Forde can almost quadruple his own time spent looking over a particular flower petal or lily pad in a pond. What's there that's so interesting that Kyle's not seeing?

Forde regrets it, _he has to._ But Kyle... himself, _does not._ Even if Forde's initial question of asking him to come along was probably only a joke. Even if Forde only gave Kyle the extra ticket because he had no one else to go with. Even if whoever Forde said gave him the tickets in the first place, probably only gave them to Forde because they had no one to go with, either.

All that Kyle regrets, though, is that he is too impatient in time with Forde. 

So Kyle tries to, finally, actively _fix_ this. Wait a moment, allow Forde to enjoy himself. But... just standing around... is getting hot. There are no trees in the center of the greenhouse's exposed courtyard to act as shade. And because this part is a water garden, it is getting humid.

It's _gross._ It's _sticky._ Kyle's almost tempted to splash the murky water onto his face to cool off. _Almost._ But not quite... There's gotta be an unthinkable amount of bacteria in there if moss and mosquitos are thriving on the water's surface like it is. Kyle's seen enough water lillies and tadpoles to turn him away from doing _that._

So how can Forde just sit and _stare_ at all of it?

"Are you ready?" Kyle blurts out.

_...Damn it._ He's rushing again. _Kyle told himself he wasn't going to do that._

Kyle was trying to be patient here, but he keeps complaining every time he is ready to move on to the next spot.

Forde, crouching with his hands on his knees, tilts his head to look behind him and give Kyle a menacing glare. " _In a moment_."

"Nhh... S- _So_ _rry_. Take your time. I'll just... _Go on ahead-_ -"

Forde sighs heavily. "Why don't we just go for lunch now?"

"Huh?"

"You look miserable. Break time."

He _does?_ Well, He's not!

_...Necessarily._

"You know... You didn't have to say yes. I appreciate you coming... but... I wish you weren't forcing yourself to do something you just don't want to do."

"When did I say I didn't want to?" Kyle asks, sort of confused.

"You don't need to _say_ anything." And for the first time today, Forde stands up and is instead the one to walk ahead of Kyle _;_ Towards the cafeteria.

* * *

During the time taken to eat, Forde takes the bag he had over his shoulder off. There isn't that much in it; Apart from a bottle of water, a few crushed up snacks, and a sketchbook he said he ' _Probably wasn't even gonna bother using in the first place, so he didn't know why he was even bringing it'."_

Regardless as to what he said before they arrived, the book is what Forde takes out from it. Silently, Forde takes bites from a sandwich with one hand as he draws scenarios of flowers and structures seen here this morning with the other.

"If that's what you wanted to do, why are you doing it _now?"_ Kyle decides to ask him.

Kyle may not know much, but he knows at _least_ that it's a lot easier to draw something when it's all right in front of you.

_And it's obviously what Forde wanted to be doing earlier._

"I'm just... _scribblin'."_ Forde uses as excuse.

"Oh _shut up."_ Suggests Kyle. "When you're done eating: Go sit down outside and do it the way you intended."

_"This way's fine_." Forde growls through gritted teeth. "You don't like just _sitting_ around."

"...And _you_ don't need to follow me around all day if you want to enjoy yourself."

Forde sighs, dropping his pencil for moment. "I told you: _It's fine._ I'll do it now, while I'm already sitting down."

"Memory can only serve so well--" Kyle reminds.

" _And **I'm** just doodling."_

"But you don't _want_ to just _'doodle'."_

"And you don't want to bore yourself waiting for me." Forde snaps. " _So I can make a few sacrifices_."

It's so hot outside, but the air-conditioning is at least running in here. Even so, Kyle feels his skin grow hot with anger. "That's why I said let me go on ahead without you."

"...Maybe, _well..._ Maybe I don't **_want_** you to do that." Forde mutters as he nervously looks away so he isn't keeping eye contact.

Oh, _shit._ The anger-heat has now converted to heat in Kyle's face. _Embarrassment_ heat. He's _blushing_ heat. 

"W-Why?" Kyle stammers. "I'm only getting in your way!"

Forde looks up from his sketchpad and lunch. **"Good.** Because I didn't come here today by myself. I _want_ someone to get in my way."

Apart from a pout and frown, there is nothing in the way Forde acts that tells Kyle that Forde does this on purpose. No semblance telling Kyle that Forde _knows_ what he does to Kyle's dilemma of daily internal feelings; This is just the pure personality of Forde like always. 

Not surprising. Forde shouldn't know about how Kyle feels. Kyle's always felt this way; From the start. _From day one._ So there's never been a change in his own attitude towards Forde for Forde to even notice and know about. Kyle acts a little differently in front of Forde instead of everyone else; _T_ _hat's the way it is_.

But since it's only in front of _Forde_ and the only time Kyle is different is with _Forde_ around; Forde wouldn't know that because Forde obviously doesn't see Kyle when _Forde's not around._

"Uh... Okay...?" Kyle runs a hand down his face in attempt to regain some sort of composure. "I'll try and be more... _tolerable._ Sorry for giving you such a hard time."

Forde's expression softens.

_Kyle is reminded deeper of his annoying hidden feelings._

Forde so quietly laughs. "You don't need to do that. You're plenty tolerable enough."

...Why's Forde lying? Come **_on._**

"Am not." Kyle grumbles in disagreement, knowing he himself is the one who is correct here. "All morning, I've done nothing but _rush_ you."

Forde clicks his tongue and groans. _He certainly appears to have other opinions on whether or not Kyle is getting in his way._

_"...Ahhh..._ But I'm used to being pestered to death if it's _you_ that's doing it." Forde shakes his head. "Maybe _most_ people couldn't tolerate it... But I can... _I have no other choice."_

...

_So much for a cool-down break._

Kyle feels warmer in this situation than he did outside in the scorching _sun._

"Hmm?" At this, Forde notices something; And he puts down a crust of his sandwhich. "Do you have heat stroke? Is _that_ why you're extra irritable? ...If you were feeling sick you should have just said something!"

"Hmm? What are you saying--" Kyle questions, not understanding.

But Forde leans over the table then, and he presses his knuckles up against Kyle's forehead.

"Your face is red."

...

For someone who doesn't know what it is he does to Kyle... _Ford_ _e sure does an awful lot of it._

"You- You- _Your hands are cold!"_ Kyle stutters in alarm.

"You're warm..." Forde repeats. "Why didn't you just _say_ you didn't feel well?"

Idiot! Kyle's _fine!_

At least he was until Forde started making a big _deal_ about this.

"I'm not sick, get _off!"_ Kyle tries, demanding.

"Okay... _Sorry._ But if you're this hot: You shouldn't be in such a hurry. When I'm done eating... _I'm gonna make you sit with me and relax for a bit."_

...Why'd Forde have to _word_ it like that? Why'd he have to use the word _'hot!?'_ Why'd he have to call Kyle _that?_

"I-I... I... I already _told_ you I would! _Sh_ _eesh!"_

Why does Forde have to look genuinely concerned...? _Ugh._ He looks cute when he frowns and has caring worry in his eyes.

"Calm down. _Or your fever will go up._ " Forde states proudly; As if he knew every bit of information in the universe.

"I _am_ calm!" Kyle still attempts to defend himself. " _And I **don't have** **a fever**!"_

He's... _not_ calm, actually; Kyle's far from it. He's hardly able to even form those words of denial.

...Why does Kyle lose his voice so much when he's settling stupid _disputes_ with Forde?

How come no one _else_ makes Kyle's voice crack? Soon it will be more than his voice to crack, and maybe also his mental stability.

Why does Forde have to so easily make Kyle _break?_

"If you're gonna tell lies; You should hide it between a couple of truths. _That_ way: It's harder to spot. You're not supposed to say _two lies_ and _no_ truths--"

**"Finish your food**." Kyle interrupts, trying to put a stop to Forde's never ending demoralizations.

Forde blinks, forming a smile, laughing so softly and sweetly. He finally only just now retracts his hand from Kyle's forehead; Back to his own personal side again. "Okay. _I'm almost done_ , anyway... Do you want me to get you some water?"

"I can do that _myself!?"_ Kyle mistakingly ends up shouting.

"But you're _not_ doing it yourself..." Forde informs. "And you're **_warm,_** I'm _telling_ you."

"...You're making it _worse."_ Kyle just _caves and admits it._

Of course Forde doesn't know _why_ he makes it worse...

Forde just cocks his head. "...I'm... ' _making it worse'?"_

"Y-Yes. You're... You're _getting me all worked up._ Don't worry about me." 

Why _does_ Forde look worried? _Why?_ When he does: It starts to make Kyle worry. It starts to make Kyle worry that he won't be able to calm himself down; Because concerned Forde is on a whole new _level_ of attractive.

"...Then don't get so worked up over someone just trying to worry about you and trying to make sure you're okay." Forde mumbles in **kindness.**

...

_Forde needs to shut up_. He has to by now realize _why_ Kyle is getting worked up, right? The visibly **_real_** concern he holds hidden behind his joking attitude isn't _helping,_ either.

Forde talks like Kyle can _control_ getting worked up over it.

"... _Don't worry so much about someone who doesn't need to be worried over._ " Maybe if Kyle says it hushed enough, _Forde won't hear_. And won't feel the need to formulate another one of his almost _**heart** felt_ comebacks.

_Kyle doesn't think he can handle anymore of those._

But Forde probably _did_ hear, judging by the sigh he lets out. Still, he finally lets up. Forde seems to have learned that he sometimes needs to allow Kyle to get the last word in. Either that, or they will be arguing about something back and forth for no reason because there is _just no solution._

"Well, I'm ready to leave here..." Forde accepts, eventually. "How about you?"

"Yeah, ...Sure." Confirms Kyle.

"Hmm..." Forde rests his head on his palm in thought. "Which spot do you think would be the coolest to go to next?"

Kyle ponders it for a moment before responding.

_"...Coolest?_ Hmmm, Well... I think those trees that are like, _generations old_ are pretty neat--"

_"Pfft._ That's not what I meant!" Forde gets up, preparing to throw out his trash after he's put his belongings away. "I meant cool like **_temperature_** cool."

...

Oh.

_Shit._

"...That... would probably be right here, then." Kyle squeaks in embarrassment; Defeated with himself.

Ugh... Why is Kyle so _stupid?_ Why didn't he _know_ what Forde meant...?

And... Why is Kyle so _upset_ over not knowing what Forde meant? It's not _that_ big of a deal it's not all **_that_** laughable--

"Do you want to stay here longer?" Forde questions.

"No... _No._ I-I don't mind...!" Kyle stammers helplessly. "Just, _C_ _ould we maybe avoid the green houses for now?"_

Kyle finally gets up himself; Since he maybe _was_ enjoying the break a bit more than he would like to admit.

Wait.

...Why does Kyle feel like he's going to fall over after he stands?

Huh... Maybe he _does_ have a legitimate fever; A simple misunderstanding in Forde's word choice shouldn't make him feel _this_ self- _conscious_ and _this_ dizzy.

"You want to avoid them? Accepting it so easily, now? _Think you may have a fever_?" Forde chuckles, walking ahead a little. 

Kyle had told Forde that he could get himself his own water. So why does Forde have to next stop by the self-serve fountain and grab a paper cup: Only to fill it halfway with ice before filling it with water? _And then extend it back to Kyle's own hand?_

Kyle doesn't want to take it.

He could have gotten his own water.

_He's capable of doing that much._

But Forde's helpful willingness is making him all the warmer. So Kyle ends up taking it and swallows almost the entire thing in one go.

"Uh, ... _Ma_ _ybe."_ Kyle finally answers Forde's question in growing acceptance.

And at this point, Kyle's not entirely _sure_ if or if _not_ he has a fever.

He _could..._ But then again Forde won't stop being _Forde;_ So Kyle wouldn't _stop_ feeling warm enough that his own skin could burn: Even _if_ he didn't have a temperature.

Kyle's not sure _what_ the real cause is.

"Eh heh heh, ... _Sorry for embarrassing you."_ Comes an apology.

...Wow.

How does Forde so easily _pick up_ the fact that Kyle's **_embarrassed?_**

That only ever makes Kyle _more_ embarrassed.

_"It was a stupid question_." Forde adds more to his apologizing. Maybe looking like he actually _is_ sorry for having made Kyle feel so self-aware. "I'm sure _every_ place is too hot for someone with **_heat_** stroke... So _let's just go some place nearby."_

After that is settled, Forde proceeds to take his time: Just as he has been all morning. But here; Now it's because he's being patient with Kyle instead of enjoying himself.

And Kyle again wishes Forde would have asked _anybody else_ to be the one to come here with him.

_Forde's choice of picking **Kyle** is ruining Forde's day._

It's not fair. _Forde cannot **possibly** be having any fun._

...But from where Kyle currently stands-- A pace or two behind Forde-- Kyle still knows he's glad he _himself_ came along. 

Why's Kyle have to like Forde so much, anyway? _Ugh._ What's so fulfillingly enjoyable to watch about how Forde slowly walks ahead of Kyle-- Humming-- While one of his hands is in his pocket and the other swings back and forth slightly at his side?

Because _honestly._ How is Forde so fixated on this stupid _garden_ when the most fascinating thing to watch is _himself?_

Forde didn't even _need_ to come here! All Forde would have to do to see something beautiful would be to look at who _he himself **is.**_

Why does Kyle have to like Forde so much...?

No. _Why does Forde have to make himself so damn... **love** able...?_

Kyle wishes this were just a crush. But it's been going on for far too long to **_just_ _be a crush_**.

So why does Forde still do this-- Albeit _unknowingly--_ Sort of _stuff_ to Kyle's stupid **_feelings?_**

"You good?" Forde turns back for a second until Kyle matches his step. "Wanna just sit down here?"

_'Here'..._ Happens to be a small little alcove.

It's shaded and a little off of the path from all of the scenery Forde had wanted to get a better look at, but the clay cut-out in the wall has enough lines of tulips and ivy growing around the sides; Kyle figures Forde's willing enough to meet at a compromise.

"..." Kyle doesn't answer. Turns out _Kyle is more exhausted than he thought he was._ Kyle sits down; Only to end up laying down on his side and closing his eyes after he's propped his head up with his forearm as a makeshift pillow.

...

_Forde laughs at this._

...

Why is he laughing, _now!?_

"Where am _I_ gonna sit?" Forde asks, crouching down to the level Kyle lays at.

"..." Kyle opens one eye; Irritatedly tired. "I thought you wanted to go and sketch over there? _I'll stay right here--"_

"--I know you don't feel well, but why are you being so difficult? _"_ Forde then pulls Kyle up from his shoulder. " _Here--"_

"Hey! W-Wait--! _W_ _hat the hell are you--"_

...

_Forde sits down where Kyle was just resting his head._

"I get that you're tired." Forde states dryly. _"I get you wanna lay down."_

Forde then drags Kyle back down: Kyle's head now suddenly being placed on Forde's lap.

_...What the hell_.

What the **_hell!?_**

"But, _There's room here for **me**_ **,** too." Forde finishes his statement.

This isn't 'relaxing' at **_all!_**

What should Kyle _do_ here!? Should he plea that this is **_not_** going to work?

If he does that; Will Forde then wonder why Kyle's acting so defensive?

_...Should_ Kyle at least _try_ to relax?

...

_Of course he shouldn't_. How the hell **_could_** anyone relax like _this?_

Kyle squeezes his eyes shut, frowning... _His best course of action here is to just endure._

"It's much cooler over here, isn't it?" Forde says in a pleasant voice. 

_It really isn't_. Kyle thinks.

Seriously, Kyle's _gotta_ say _some_ thing against this... But if he _over_ reacts; He'll put himself in an even worse position...

"H-How can you do what you wanted like this--" Kyle tries to make the topic on how Forde wanted to originally sit and sketch: So that Kyle can avoid mentioning the _real_ issue here.

"Just _relaaax._ I don't want you passing out on me! ... _You'd be even **worse** to have to drag around_." Forde laughs all before _fluffing_ Kyle's hair for a second that _feels more like an eternity._

Oh my god. Kyle _does_ regret coming along, actually.

Forde proceeds to lean over to the side to reach for his bag.

When he does, his hair brushes over Kyle's face.

_...It smells nice_. Kyle initially thinks.

**_No it doesn't_**. The part of Kyle that wants to not _die_ of humility right here and right now thinks in counter.

_Kyle lets out an involuntary whine in distress._

**_Forde_** however, _does_ manage to relax; Kyle can feel how calm Forde is, even beneath the weight of a headache of Kyle's that he can't remember if he had all this morning, or maybe had just started now.

_Okay..._ If Forde can remain calm: _So can Kyle._ All Kyle has to do is focus his attention onto the comfortable breeze. The sweet fragarance of nearby flowers. The distant sound of owl cries and cricket chirps that apparently _also_ happen in the _middle of the day_ : Not only at dusk.

Kyle can't _allow_ himself to instead focus on how Forde bounces his right heel almost unnoticeably, and it brings his knee up and down. He _can **not**_ focus on the soothing scent of Forde's soft skin. He _will **not**_ focus on the sound of Forde's rhythmic breathing and lulling sound of the way he hums in content.

...But... _**W**_ _ **hy not**_ **?** Kyle finally comes to realize. Why _shouldn't_ he? **_All_** of these aspects... are _**calming.**_

That's what Kyle wanted and also what Forde wanted for him; To be able to relax. All of it melts together. _All of it._ The world already surrounding them, **_and_** Forde. 

_Kyle's allowed to find joy in this._

Kyle remembers Forde saying earlier how he didn't want Kyle to go on ahead without him.

Kyle... _St_ _arts to understand what Forde had meant_.

"You feelin' a little better?" Forde interrupts Kyle's inner peace.

"...Yeah. I am." Kyle relaxes his previously tense muscles as he brings his hand up to softly stroke his thumb over one of Forde's knees...

No longer is it _inner_ peace. Now it is complete and all-around and **shared.**

_"Thought so."_ Forde shifts a little underneath Kyle the sketchpad he had brought back out and began drawing on in the middle of Kyle's emotional understanding. "Your face isn't red anymore."

It's not. 

Wait... It's _**not?**_

Kyle's... Not so choked up on heart and anxiety anymore to where he can even calm his miserable heat spell now?

It... makes sense... When Kyle thinks about it. _He was feeling too reckless before._ There's nothing to be stressed over. Since Forde doesn't know the **_extent_** of Kyle's feelings; He's not doing all of these things on _purpose_ in order to torment Kyle. 

There's nothing for Kyle to be stressed over. _Because nothing here is stressful._

**"But."** Forde adds. "As happy as I am to see you're a little less worked up. It's a little bit of a shame..."

"...What?" Kyle turns his body until he's laying on his back now, and head around so he's now facing Forde. 

_Forde really is the most beautiful thing here_ , Kyle confirms after he repositions himself.

But that doesn't mean the rest isn't beautiful, too.

_Forde just stands out a little bit more in comparison._

"Hmm. _Look."_ Forde turns his paper around with one hand so Kyle can see; While his other reaches back into his bag one more time. 

_Forde pulls out a red colored pencil_. "Looks like I won't need _**this**_ anymore--"

On the sketchbook, Kyle finds a grayscale sketch of _himself._

Kyle blushes again **immedietly** at the sight of it.

"Hmm?" Forde tilts his head in an instant, blinking in confusion. **_"...Nevermind."_**

Forde takes this red pencil he has selected and reaches over top Kyle to mark his paper--

_Kyle sits up abruptly_ , breaking apart what Forde was just about to finish his sketch off with by grabbing Forde's wrists and _not allowing_ Forde to make Kyle's drawn-self _blushing._

"What are you _**doing!?"**_ Kyle cries out, interrupting _all_ of the peace.

"I'm fixing it." Forde laughs again. So _calmly_ and _happily._ "Because I spoke too soon. _Your face is red again!"_

Kyle doesn't let go. He knows if he would, nothing would keep Forde from _'fixing'_ his drawing.

"I thought you wanted to draw the stuff _here!_ While we're-!"

**_"You're_** here." Forde claims, cutting Kyle off.

"Wh-What? But I'm _always_ here! We see each other all the time! You were supposed to be enjoying the stuff you _really_ wanted to draw--"

"Yeah. _I did._ I drew my favorite thing around us."

_...What._

"..." Kyle feels his heart rate quicken. He's still holding onto Forde's wrist.

He's glad it's not the other way around. Because it wouldn't be that hard for Forde to notice Kyle's _rapidly increasing_ pulse.

"But you... You can-- _**You can do that any time**!_ Why aren't you using this opportunity to practice on something a little bit _better--"_

Forde grins. "Because there _is_ nothing better. You finally relaxing is my favorite thing to see. _And I hardly ever get to see it."_

...

Shit.

How can Forde just _say_ stuff like that?

"Come on, _Forde._ I mean... _You're wasting your--"_

"I'm not _'wasting'_ anything. I didn't think when I asked you to join me, you'd actually enjoy any of it. It made me happy to see you finally were able to... This was exactly what I wanted, and I didn't think I was going to really be lucky enough for it to **actually happen."**

What is _wrong_ with him!? Where is his _**dignity!?**_

"What do you mean ' _exactly what you wanted_!?' You said you only asked me to come because you had no one else to go with!"

Forde inhales... He's clearly trying to keep himself from... _smiling?_

"...Is _**that**_ what I told you? Well... Maybe I only said that because I didn't think you'd say _yes_ to coming along if I had told you the truth."

"...Huh? ...What...? What **_'truth'?"_**

"The truth that..." Forde pauses. "...That I asked _you_ to come along because I _**wanted**_ you to come along. That... No one gave me these tickets. _I bought them both myself."_

"What!? ...Why would you _**lie**_ to me about that!?"

"Because **_then_** I thought you'd think it would be weird if I wanted you here with me!" Forde says.

"Why is that ' _w_ _eird'!?_ We do stuff together all the time!" Kyle reminds him.

Forde's voice strains a minute. "...But not like... **_D_** ** _ate..._** stuff."

...

_...'Date'_ stuff?

**_'Date'_** stuff!?

"This...- **_THIS_** IS A _**DATE!?**_ You _**meant** **this as a** \--!?_" Kyle starts asking; Emotions possessing him as he is now almost yelling.

"That's why I didn't want to _tell_ you! _**You think it's weird--!!"**_

"I never said that! You... You _like_ me? Eh-E-Enough to want to go out with me on a _date!?"_

"Y-Yes! _But that's not important_! I just wanted you to have a nice time and you were _starting_ to up until _now_ and--"

"I still _am_ having a nice time!" Kyle realizes... Underneath his fingertips... _Forde's pulse is unusually **fast.**_

"But now you're weirded out!"

"Am not!" Kyle lets Forde know. "You mean you _like_ me? You liked me and I didn't even _know?_ This whole entire time you've been doing things that remind me how **_I_** like **_you_** and **_you_** like **_me,_** too!?"

"...Huh? What...? Wait... **_What!?"_**

"I-I... I like you! _**I always have**!"_

"...You're lying!" Forde looks shocked.

"I _am_ **not!** _You're_ the one who lied in order to try and make sure I'd come here with you. If you would have just told me the _truth:_ That this was supposed to be a date from the _start--_ Then I could have told _you_ the truth that ** _I like you_**!"

For the first time today, Kyle watches as Forde's face is the one to redden.

" _This is a date_." Forde squeaks out.

" **This is a date**." _Kyle agrees._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes i wonder how obvious my kyle bias would be to someone who isnt me🤔


	8. ♡-Just As Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright who the hell ordered 20 heavily implied route of the problem fordekyle burgers?
> 
> shit no one? but i already made all these?
> 
> wait it was me i ordered them bc they taste fucking delicious *scarfs them down in one bite like a mangy dog on the streets*

* * *

What is it that causes Kyle to sometimes act so _stupid?_

Forde ponders for a moment; That maybe he's the one at fault.

_That can't be right._ There's no clear pattern to when Kyle decides to be... almost... so stupid he's _annoying._

"Hey." Kyle says, slouching in an armchair on the opposite side of Forde's room. "Hey, _Forde."_

Forde sighs. He knows what's about to happen. Kyle has once again entered Stupid Mode. He can tell from Kyle's almost giggly tone of voice.

"Yes?" Forde reluctantly responds, twisting his body to be prepared to relocate all of his attention. It seems Kyle's already done that himself; Earlier he was keeping himself busy. Getting some of his personal work done, cleaning up a bit, even just enjoying himself.

But now he's done with all that.

_Forde's not--_ Forde still has a minor amount of work he should ideally get done today.

But if Kyle's gonna act like this right now, Forde knows he won't be able to. So he puts the few photos he had set at his side for reference away into a folder, preparing to focus on this new piece of work: _Kyle._

"I ever tell you that you look cute in your glasses?"

"Only everytime I need to wear them." Luckily, he doesn't need them all that often. Only when he needs to look at the smallest of intricate details when he's working.

Because Kyle does always, at least, _comment_ on the glasses.

And Forde doesn't see how they make him _'cute'._

Rhythmically, Kyle taps both armrests on the seat he sits in with his fingertips. Sliding his back further down the chair until he is hardly sitting in it anymore. 

"Good. _Because you do."_ Kyle smiles, seemingly glad that Forde is indulging in this.

Forde reaches up to take his glasses off.

Kyle frowns.

_He's lucky he's so cute himself,_ Forde thinks. _Otherwise he'd be nothing but obnoxious._

"Can I ask you something?" Forde crosses his arms in front of himself while he leans back a little on his desk now behind him. "When you get like this, is there a clear cause... _or?"_

"Eh?" Kyle tilts his head, his frown turning back into a grin. " _I don't know what you're talking about."_

"...This _clingy_ shit. Usually you're really good with leaving me alone when I'm busy. But sometimes, almost like you've been _powering_ it up, ...you explode and are more annoying than _ever."_

Kyle frowns again. "I gotta be clingy _sometimes._ Did you know, that they call me Saran-Wrap because of it?" Kyle drags himself up and walks over closer, putting one hand in a pocket. "And that makes you the microwave. Because when I'm inside you for too long, _I melt_."

_Okay._ That was actually pretty clever. Forde tries to hold back a smile.

"Your lines are terrible." Forde tries.

"Ah ha." With his free hand, Kyle reaches out to hold Forde's face in it. "I think you liked it. You're smiling. It's impossible for you to hide it, because even if you may not be smiling completely? If you _want_ to, and are instead trying to _hide_ it? _Y_ _our dimples still show."_

Forde inhales deeply.

"And _those_ are cute, too." Kyle adds.

"I'm serious. What does this to you? Did you sneak a bottle of wine when I wasn't looking? Is there a full moon tonight?"

Forde wonders again if this is his fault. Is Kyle really _that_ attention-starved?

"I don't need a reason."

"Would you act like this in front of anyone else you knew?"

Forde asks, already knowing the answer. The answer is a clear _no._ Kyle will be like this in public sometimes, maybe. But if it's in front of people he _knows_ he is able to shut it off because it makes him embarrassed.

"Yes." Kyle claims, _lying._

"Alright." Forde takes his phone from off the desk next to him. "How about we go out to lunch with your parents this weekend--"

_"No!"_ Kyle reaches for Forde's phone from his hand.

"Why not!?" Forde chuckles, making sure his phone is secure by now holding it in both hands near his chest. "Because as soon as we do, you won't be able to act like _this_ anymore...?"

"..."

"Are you ashamed to be with me, Kyle?"

"Of course not!"

"Then why do you act so differently? Where do your _weird,_ needy-spikes in behaviour even _come_ from? Am I not enough for you?"

Kyle blinks as he looks to the ground in thought. "You're enough... _but sometimes I want more."_ Kyle whispers the last part as if he doesn't want to have to say it.

Wait, _really?_

Forde remembers for a minute just who he's with. Forde remembers for a minute that, despite how Kyle is usually able to give him his space, _Kyle still needs his attention._

Forde gives in. He likes Kyle a lot better when he's communicating and open with him, anyway. _He_ _shouldn't be complaining._

"Okay, I'm sorry." Forde can't help but let out his smile. "Bring the chair over. Sit with me. But don't get mad if I don't respond to you right away if I'm focused."

Kyle smiles before turning around to pull the chair up.

Maybe _Kyle's_ not the only one who needs attention, Forde thinks.

_He's not,_ Forde knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes i gotta write silly route of the problem fordekyle bc well if im being honest its my fav shit to write. and well the purpose of this compilation fic is to make me happy, so im gonna do just that. doesnt need to be good, just needs to make me happy.
> 
> i'll leave my warnings in notes tho for when they r. bc who am i kidding theres more where it comes from.
> 
> future warning when i finish a silly halloween-type fic: its gonna be heavily implied once more in that whoops...
> 
> that being said no one ever fucking touch route of the problem ever again. i just realized its at 69 hits as of right now thats so fucking perfect thats so fucking NICE!!!!!!!


	9. ♡-More or Less

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not again jfc heres that route of the problem fordekyle again warning : skip skip skip.
> 
> i write em bc it makes me happy even tho i dont deserve to be happy. sorry.
> 
> i have assigned RoTP Forde's birthday as oct 1st. so. uhh here i go , late to the dudes bday even after i was the one who decided the date

* * *

He's still asleep...

_Perfect._

Kyle had thought maybe he was being too loud this morning. Thought maybe he was a... little bit _too_ excited. Thought his fumbling through their apartment to make sure everything was ready, would _surely_ be loud enough to wake Forde up.

But he is still asleep, on his stomach, with a blanket draped over top of him.

_Kyle had made sure it was_ , after he had woken up an hour earlier. It's chilly in here. And Kyle would have _loved_ to sleep in a little longer and not make Forde rely on a blanket's warmth instead of himself...

But making sure he was ready for Forde's birthday is more important right now.

Kneeling down, Kyle allows himself one last look at sleeping Forde before he wakes him up. Because Kyle knows Forde's going to look _pissed_ once he is; It's only around 7:30 in the morning. It's still sort of dark outside through the window.

But Kyle wants him awake _now._

He's so beautiful... So pretty. Kyle reaches out to brush his hair behind his ear. How is he so amazing...? So peaceful-looking like this... Kyle wishes he could paint the way Forde does for a moment. Forde would certainly be his favorite subject to utilize.

Alright. _Enough of that._

"Good morning!" Kyle shouts. Forde no longer has even as much as a single lock of hair to muffle it over his ear, since Kyle has tucked it away. _"Get up!"_

As predicted; In an instant, Forde's lovely, relaxed, sleeping face contorts into one that looks like he wants to kill the closest person in the room.

Kyle feels proud of himself knowing _he's_ that person.

_"What the hell_ \--" Forde slurs.

He looks exhausted.

Kyle should allow him to get some more rest today. It is his birthday, after all. 

But Kyle hasn't been this excited for a simple birthday in he can't even remember how long. Perhaps he _never_ has been.

He pries his arms underneath Forde to carry him. Forde protests in even more confusion, but is too tired to prevent Kyle from succeeding in picking him up.

"Let's see." Kyle knows he's probably _way_ too smiley right now. Forde's going to make fun of him for it once he's completely awake. "I'm still 24, right?"

"That's what you've told me..." Forde mumbles, nuzzling his face closer into Kyle's chest as if he's about ready to fall back asleep. 

_No way is Kyle going to let him do that._

"Do you... know what's funnier than 24...?" Kyle only barely manages to hold in his laughter.

Forde had began lazily smiling himself after the initial rude awakening subsided. But when he hears Kyle ask this, he opens his eyes and his smile vanishes into a look of annoyance.

"Don't finish what you're about to say, Kyle--"

_"25!"_ Kyle, now, does _not_ manage to hold in his laughter.

Forde groans in attempt to say he is not going to have this shit this early in the morning. "That's not _funny._ I'm _tired._ You woke me up just for _that--"_

"Exactly! I'm not funny. _I'm_ still 24. But you know who's 25 and is _much_ funnier than me?"

_"...Me."_ Forde says, muffled. Maybe allowing himself to smirk just a little at Kyle's _un_ funny joke.

_"You!"_ Kyle confirms as he can't help but smile even more now that Forde seems at least a little amused. "...It's your birthday."

Forde finally laughs with him. "I know, Kyle. _I know_."

After making his way into the living room, Kyle drops Forde onto the middle of the couch.

"Don't move." He tells him, pulling up the coffee table a little closer before he heads over to the kitchen. "Don't go anywhere!"

"Why are you in such a hurry...?" Forde hardly asks, all before laying back down once more. This time just on the couch. "Where would I even _go--?"_

He can't just go back to sleep. Kyle meant where he can't go is _back to sleep._

Kyle somehow both carefully and hastily places the set of plates he just went to grab from the kitchen onto the table.

"Get _up!"_ Kyle drags Forde back to sit upright yet again. Sitting down next to him himself. "Your breakfast is going to get cold! I made you breakfast!"

"You make me breakfast all the time, though." Forde scoffs through a downright delirious expression.

"Yes. But this isn't just _breakfast._ This is Birthday Breakfast."

_"Ah."_ Forde starts laughing quietly. "Birthday Breakfast. _Of course."_

"Yes. _Birthday Breakfast."_

Forde still looks much too tired. Why can't he stay awake long enough even today? Ugh. _Idiot..._

Kyle reaches over to pick up one of the plates. "Here. Try it. You gotta eat; so you can get dressed and ready by noon."

"Wh-Why? Are we going somewhere?" Still, _tired,_ Forde buries his half-asleep face into Kyle's neck.

_"Yes!_ Worry about that later, though. For now eat, so I can go get your presents."

"Mmm..." That seems to wake him up; Forde yawns and rubs his eyes. Finally he sits up. "What's for Birthday Breakfast...?"

"A crepe. But it's savoury. Just like how I like to savour every second I spend with you..."

Kyle leans over to kiss Forde's forehead. 

One down: _24 more to go._

Forde groans to try and sound agitated, but Kyle knows Forde's not _completely_ annoyed. _If he even is at all._

"And a hot cup of freshly brewed coffee. Only lightly sweetened; _Just like you."_

"...My _God,_ Kyle."

No _way_ is he annoyed. He smiles as he takes the fork and food from Kyle's hand.

"You've never made crepes for me before... maybe this really _is_ Birthday Breakfast?" Forde laughs before he cuts off a piece with the side of his fork.

"Is it good?" Kyle asks in anticipation.

_"Mmm--_ Wait! Give me time to chew!"

"You chewed. Do you like it!?"

Forde rolls his eyes. But he's getting worse at trying to look mad as the minutes pass.

"Yes. _Duh._ When _don't_ I like what you cook me?" Forde sets his plate on his lap and reaches out to slowly run his hand down the side of Kyle's face. " _Why are you such an attention-seeker?"_

"Am not!" Kyle frowns into Forde's touch. "It just _looks_ that way to you because I want your approval and your approval alone."

"Then I guess I gotta _give_ it to you, don't I?" Forde snickers. "This is the first time you've ever made this?"

"Yeah." Kyle shouldn't be smiling so much after hearing that.

_But he knows he is._

" _You never cease to amaze me_. It's as good as a personal chef would make it... How did you get the actual batter to be so thin with no prior experience?"

"Luck and dedication. But promise me you won't look in the trash anytime soon."

Forde smiles. Kyle's seen Forde smile so many times, even just within the span of this morning. _But it never gets old._

_"I won't_. Because there's no failed crepe attempts in there. _Right?_ Nothing to see..."

_"...Correct."_

"Hmmhh... " Forde goes back to eating his Birthday Breakfast, going along with the lie. "Hard to believe, since this is so good. _Typical_ of you to get it right on the _first try."_

"...Okay." Kyle announces before standing up. _"Stay. Here."_

"I will, sheesh!"

Leaving and returning once more, Kyle goes to fetch the small collection of gifts he had wrapped... _maybe some of which were were prepared a month in advance because Kyle was that excited._

"Okay." Kyle repeats again, clearing his throat while he comes back to sit so close to Forde he's practically on top of him. _"For you."_

Forde takes this first one in his hand; A simple bag with each individual object inside wrapped. He brings it to his ear.

_"What-_ What are you-- It's not going to make a _noise!_ Just open it!"

"Relax! I'm trying to figure out what it is first!"

"No. I don't want you guessing correctly. Or worse: getting your hopes up. _Just open it."_

Forde glares at him before finally tearing the paper on the top one.

"Hmmm..." The more he rips off, the more confused his face looks.

_So cute..._

"Wait... is this...? Oh, _hell_ yeah. I love this shit!"

_I do, too_. Kyle thinks to himself in response to watching Forde's happiness.

"These are such a pain in the ass to get..." Forde says as he pulls out a bag of foreign pretzel sticks sprinkled with poppy seeds. "I'm gonna eat these so hard."

"There's more."

"Huh?" Forde looks up from the package's text that he was trying to read. (But couldn't, because it's in a different language.)

Those really are a pain in the ass to get; Are only available around them in one small, inconveniently placed specialty market. And most of the time they're out of stock. And Kyle soon learned, after a quick search: Shipping is damn _expensive._ Forde better _not_ eat them _'so hard.'_ He better save them at least a _little_ bit. It's not like he can just buy them every day.

"There's a few more. Under the paper in the bag."

Forde digs under the colored tissue paper and rips open the next. "Ahh, I didn't know they made these already! I usually have to wait until November at _least._ I've never see the cherry Kisses in October... If they can so easily change the winter packaging to make it _'vampire blood',_ why can't they sell them all year round?"

Kyle hasn't seen them this early, either. But then again he never has looked for them before he met Forde. Kyle much prefers the _mint_ Hershey Kisses. The _cherry_ ones are _disgusting._

Actually, they all kind of are. Why would he take those over just being able to actually kiss Forde? Doing that is more fun; It's easier, and it's free.

And he still has 24 _more_ he plans to sprinkle throughout the day.

And if he were to, let's say, accidentally go beyond his targeted _25 kisses_ he wants to give to Forde today? There would be no harm in that...

"Wow, you like, actually _listen_ when I ramble about snacks I wish were easier to get?" Forde continues. "Like, you _pay attention!?"_

"Shut up."

Forde hums laughing. "I'm only kidding. It doesn't surprise me at all."

"One more in there..."

"Slow down. I'm working on it!"

Finally opening the last one, Forde finds a small jar of loose leaf tea.

"Mmm, _good shit._ I'm gonna have a meal off of all this."

" _No you're not_. You can hardly call any of that stuff nutri--"

"I'm joking! Take a _joke!_ But you do realize I'm gonna be too lazy to steep this myself when I want it, right? _You're_ gonna have to do it for me when I ask, you _know_ that, _right?"_

" _Figured as much when I bought it."_

Forde sighs peacefully.

"...Looks good, though." He twists the jar in his hand, inspecting it. "Lavender Chamomile? You beg me to stay awake and then give me this? I'm sorry; I think you're asking too much. Or you just have really, _really_ high expectations out of me that I will _not_ be able to live up to."

Kyle rolls his eyes as he reaches to the floor for the next present. "I understand that. I just don't want you falling asleep _today._ So no drinking it now. Also, _I want to try it_..." Kyle hands the next one to Forde.

"We'll see if I feel like sharing." Forde remarks while he takes it.

"Now this one..." Kyle trails off a little. "Is kinda boring _but you'll use it."_

"I can't guess, but you're allowed to tell me _that?"_ Forde says in disbelief as he now opens this one. "Oh, fuck. _It's pencils._ I can tell. _It sounds like pencils."_

_"That's_ why I could tell you about this one!" Kyle laughs as Forde opens it all the way, confirming they _are_ in fact _pencils._ "I knew you'd be able to tell right away."

"Ah ha. Yeah. I'll use 'em. _Of fucking course I'll--"_

"Is that a good kind?"

Forde blinks. "Why are you asking me that? Don't act like you didn't do your research; This is the kind I buy. All you had to _do_ is look at the ones I have. And I'm sure you did. Don't fish for compliments over something so _easy_ and _obvious."_ Forde flicks Kyle on his forehead.

"Ow..."

"But yeah, _thank you._ You know me _so well,_ to buy my favorite kind." Forde says in mock-tone. "I'll probably eat 'em up faster than the pretzels. Because I always lose 'em."

"I can confirm that." Kyle scoffs. "I found one in my shoe the other day... It stabbed me..."

"I didn't _lose_ that one." Forde grins. "That was a purposeful trap to hurt you a little."

Kyle groans. "Sure. _Suuure._ Now, finish your breakfast that I'm sure by now is ice-cold. I still have your real gift to give you."

Forde looks to the floor. "Then give it to me."

"...Not... _N_ _ot that one_. I uh, _changed my mind--"_

"You mean you're not going to give me that one down there? After you _wrapped_ it and everything!?"

"It's dumb! You'll laugh at me!"

Forde leans over and snatches it up before Kyle can get the chance to kick it away. " _I'll laugh at you no matter what."_

Kyle covers his face. _It's a stupid gift._ He regrets buying this one. Maybe if Kyle can't _see_ Forde opening it, Forde opening it will never happen.

"Oh my **_God!"_**

Sounds like he's opened it.

No.

Shit. 

Why'd he have to open it?

"Is this what I _think_ it is!? Did you buy this for me because--"

"I _told_ you it was stupid! It was a gag-gift! I told you not to open it!"

"No, no, Kyle. _Why are you hiding!?"_

Kyle feels Forde's hands pry his own off from his face.

Kyle closes his eyes so he doesn't have to see.

"I can still _see_ you! Closing your eyes isn't going to re-wrap it."

"..."

"You dumbass! At least let me tell you what I think!"

...Kyle finds the strength to open just one eye to peek and _maybe_ hope Forde hadn't opened it all the way--

_Forde opened it all the way._

"I-It's dumb. _I'm sorry!"_ Kyle scrambles.

"It's not _dumb!_ If you bought it for the reason I think you did; _It's not dumb."_

Forde's lying _._ _It's definitely dumb_. Kyle feels the need to justify it with an explanation.

"...I never... _did..._ get you a new one like I had told you I would..."

"So I was right!?" Forde shouts, excitedly.

Looking from the stupid present Kyle has selected: _a boring looking drinking glass_ ; Kyle looks back over to Forde.

He's smiling so widely and genuinely that Kyle has no choice but to open both of his eyes and appreciate Forde's beautiful smile for all that it is.

"...Uh-- _Yeah._ You're... _You're right."_

"I can't believe you _REMEMBER_ that!" Forde draws back a hand to laugh into. " _Oh my God_... Has that stupid glass you broke almost a _year_ ago been eating away at your conscience this entire time!?"

"Yes. _It has_. I thought I could get you one today and call it a _joke_ but _you're still making fun of me--"_

_"I love it,_ Kyle. I love _you_. I love that you remember that; You're _insane_ for it to bother you so much... But uh... at the time, when you knocked that glass over; Your guilt about it got on my nerves. But _now?_ I'm glad to have a new one. Because I _need_ new ones. Because I'm no longer the only person who lives here."

"..."

"Dear God, _you are blushing so much right now."_

"...No..."

_"Yeessss."_

So... he likes it? It... _is_ stupid, Kyle is well aware. But the way he said that makes him sound like he really means it and really likes it.

Even if it means it's a birthday present for _Forde;_ That _Kyle's_ probably going to be using himself.

"...Okay. I'm... _happy_ you like it."

"I _love_ it. But... you said we were going somewhere? Is that your _'real present'...?_ What did you mean?"

"...Well. Finish your food first. Take a shower... get dressed. _You'll find out."_

"Fine. _Fine._ Be that way... _Is there cake?"_

Kyle ends up laughing at how easily Forde just thinks of something else.

"You'll get your cake later. Once we get home tonight."

"What kind?"

Kyle _was_ waiting for him to ask, however. Kyle knows his favorite kind. "...Red velvet."

Once, when they went out to eat, Forde had ordered it for dessert.

' _It's like chocolate. But cooler.'_ Forde had said. Kyle made sure to remember for today. 

Forde smiles. God, _how is he so beautiful_? Even after he's just woken up. _He's still so beautiful._

"Good choice." Forde grins, stretching his arms over his head before reaching for his fork again to finish his breakfast. _"You_ made it, I assume?"

"Yes. But I can't promise you it's any good. So I may have... _also_ bought a back-up one at the grocery store yesterday."

Forde looks back at him. His eyes are so beautiful. His smile, so beautiful. Forde: _so beautiful._

Kyle feels like he doesn't deserve to say he's the one who gets to spend time with Forde on Forde's birthday.

"How the hell did you find the time to make one _and_ buy one without me finding out?"

"...If I don't wake you up; I know for fact you could sleep for 8 weeks straight. _It wasn't that difficult."_

Forde shrugs. " _You got me."_

"But uh... Don't you want to... know where we're _going?"_

Forde gives him a confused look.

"...You told me to wait--?"

"I was trying to edge you on, you jerk! It's a tactic to try and build up your interest!"

"Wow. Why not _say_ that, then? Why must you make everything so _hard?_ Alrighty. Tell me _. I wanna know_."

"...I mean... I _hope_ you'll like it. It's... nothing special. Just... I was gonna take you to that one art museum around here. _But if that sounds dumb we don't have to go."_

"Don't say _that,_ idiot! That sounds like something I'd love; While _you_ mope around behind me bored to death. _Sounds like fun to me._ "

"Wow. _Thanks."_

Forde smiles gently. 

"Looks like you'll have to suffer. Because _I_ wanna go. And it's _my_ birthday, not yours."

Maybe. But... it may as well be Kyle's, too. Because today may be one of the most important days of the year. _At least to Kyle._

"...Good. Because if I go with _you,_ I'll _also_ have a nice time. I'm gonna need to ask you to be my tour guide, though. I don't care if the people working there are getting payed and it's their job: You're the only one who I want showing me around."

Forde hangs his head laughing. "I'll see what I can do. My Fine Art facts are probably not as _abundant_ as you seem to think. I know a little, _but not that much."_

"The facts _themselves_ aren't what really matter to me."

Forde leans over, wrapping his arms around Kyle's shoulders tightly.

"I love you, Kyle. Thank you for everything. _All_ the time. _Everything._ Not just today."

Kyle's glad Forde cannot see the sheer happiness he knows is shown on his face. Kyle cannot help but _live_ for when Forde appreciates what Kyle tries to do for him.

"I love you, too..." Kyle whispers into the same ear he had yelled into earlier. "I love you... _more."_

Forde inhales hesitantly at that, and pulls himself off of Kyle's shoulder.

He's beautiful, yes. But that doesn't mean he's not also a mess. The collar of his stretched pullover sweater exposes the pale skin of his shoulders. The dark circles under his eyes compare to night against the rest of his skin; Forde needs around 15 hours of sleep a day if he plans on getting his beauty rest. (Kyle had cut it short at only nine hours this morning.) His hair let down; would be reminiscent of golden silk spilling over his frame.

_Were it not_ tangled _at certain spots._

Kyle rakes a set of fingers through the lengthiest part.

"...You don't want to go there, Kyle." 

Forde shakes his head lightly from side to side as Kyle looks into his eyes. They remind him of the crisp apples that are in season right about now; on the surface they just look to be one color. But the longer you stare, the more speckles of yellow and green and red and sometimes even purple you will find.

He really is so stunningly beautiful.

"Is there something wrong with what I said?" Kyle smirks as he brings himself a little closer to kiss Forde.

_Two down._ 23 to go.

_"Mmhh."_ Forde hums before breaking away. "Yes. You do _not_ love me more than I love you. I know you think you're an outstanding boyfriend. _Which you are_. But you _cannot_ say you love me more."

"I can. I _did._ And I will."

Forde rolls his eyes, smiling.

"I know you love me, but there's _no way_ you love me more than--"

"Prove it."

"Huh? _'Prove_ it'!? What, do you want to like, _fight_ about it!?"

_"Yes!"_ Kyle's voice cracks with the word as he tries not to laugh and instead attempts to sound serious.

_"No way._ Let's just leave it at a stalemate. Because honestly; _I know I love you more_. Because I know how much I love you. _A whole lot_. But to be perfectly fair, I do think you're better at expressing your love than I am mine. You're so sincere, when you do. But with me, I just sound stupid and annoying."

Kyle laughs until he's hanging his head into Forde's neck.

"Idiot. I love your _'annoying.'_ And I love your _'stupid'!"_

"See what I mean!?" Forde exclaims.

"Jeez, I dunno if I'd call that _'sincere'."_

"Well _I_ do."

"Fine, _fine._ No pitting this against each other. That's a useless thing to do. I love you. And you say that you love me. _That's the end of it--"_

"Not when you word it like that!" Forde interrupts. "Not _'say',_ I do! I _do_ love you!"

Kyle recovers from his laughter eventually, lifting his head to kiss Forde's cheek. _22 remain._

_"I know,_ I know, honey. _I'm just givin' you a hard time._ Get used to it. Or I'll give you an even harder time next year."

"Sincere. So _very_ sincere." Forde reiterates his previous claim once more.

_"No--"_ Kyle starts laughing again.

_There is no way Forde loves Kyle more than Kyle loves Forde_ , Kyle thinks.

Because when it really comes down to it, they are on the very same level.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i write when im sad abt stupid unexplained chr*nic pain. and its one of the few things i have left i can still manage to do that doesnt worsen it + i still enjoy. but im sad that i write too bc its stupid lol its a cycle im sorry . i will stop writing RoTP fordekyle when i am Dead :) hopefully thats sooner rather than later :') bc i kno a lotta ppl struggle w/ this type of shit but the difference is i am not strong enough.
> 
> so will any potential future chapters to this stupid thing be anything other than RoTP? maybe. but also maybe not. my emotional support au :) i have no shame left to lose anymore :'^)
> 
> ...its been a long year.


	10. ◇-Give and Take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sad boi hours. while not on purpose i noticed i've been averaging abt a chapter every 3 days or so. but now i know its gonna slow down bc my hands sometimes decide to work less than other times . i do not control the times at which fingers become stiff. also i am gonna be sore after Medical Procedures .
> 
> so real quick thing to slapp out rn before i cant do it as much as i want. even if no one else cares, i alone, do. and i care an AWFUL lot actually and it makes me sad to have to slow down :( i hate fordekyle detoxing :(

"Have I ever asked you my personal favorite question to ask people who I meet for the first time...?" Forde ponders aloud.

Across the table, in the opposite booth in this fast-food place Forde had begged Kyle to stop into with him; Kyle furrows his brow as he reaches for an extra packet of table salt that sits on a mountain of others.

_"Huh?_ I dunno. Not that you've ever told me." 

The one directly under slowly slides down the metaphorical mountain, as if it were a pile of snow ready to destroy anything in its path.

"...I don't believe I have." Forde realizes as he shoves a cold french fry into his mouth. It's bland now that the heat is gone, but at least it's not so salty it burns his tongue like Kyle's are. "Okay. I definitely haven't. I'm sure I'd remember _your_ answer if I had asked _you."_

One half of Kyle's mouth grins upward as he tears open the paper on his salt.

"Alright. Let's hear it. _What's your favorite question to ask people you've just met?_ " Generously, grains of salt evenly rain down onto Kyle's tray of fries.

Forde takes the opportunity to lean one elbow on the table while stretching his other arm over the back of the booth to rest it on. 

"Now. _This is an important question_." Expressively, Forde tries to convey this using his hands as if to let Kyle know in advance: This could determine a lot.

"Yeah?" Kyle responds. The other corner of his mouth smirks now too.

He's not taking this seriously.

_But he should._

"I'm _telling_ you, Kyle. This question says a lot about people." Forde pauses, popping one more fry into his mouth. Chewing, he gives Kyle one last warning. "If you have a bad enough answer, I will _not_ hesitate to go back on all of our history. I don't care how much I love you. This _one_ question could change _everything."_

Kyle doesn't look convinced; Since he scoffs and continues to smile. Shrugging his shoulders, Kyle is unknowingly _already,_ probably committing himself to answering poorly with such dismissive body language.

_"I warned you_." Forde states before getting to the real thing. "Okay. Here goes: When you were a kid, _what was one thing you remember stealing?"_

Kyle's unserious expression shifts over to confusion. 

"What? _Stealing?"_

"Yeah. What did you steal as a kid?"

Kyle looks to the side in disbelief as he rolls his eyes. "That's a stupid question. Who says I've ever stolen anything? I haven't."

Yep. As Forde had _thought_ Kyle's unwillingness would mean; Kyle has chosen the worst possible reply.

"I told you this was important. That was the wrong answer." With the elbow resting on the table, Forde brings his hand down to tap the surface. "And _you_ just lost yourself a loving boyfriend."

Still, not taking this seriously, Kyle raises one eyebrow as he tries to bite back yet another smirk.

"H-How? It wasn't an _opinionated_ question. How can you act like we're _over_ when I simply just answered it--"

"Because." Forde then takes his other arm from the seat and folds it before him on the table as well. Leaning over, trying to look as intimidating as possible, Forde glares at Kyle with satisfaction. _"You're lying."_

With more proof that Forde knows this question _does in fact_ determine a lot, the signs of guilt and defensiveness start to show on Kyle.

They're all so cute, so desperate. The way he scratches his head and blushes and starts stuttering an alibi. All so cute; But unfortunately Forde cannot allow himself to appreciate them, because as of about half a minute ago: The two of them are no longer together.

"I'm-I'm not lying! What kind of question even _is_ that? You can't _judge_ people from a question like that--"

"But I do. And now I wish I had asked you a long, _long_ time ago. Because it's not a hard question at all. There's usually only three ways it can go..."

Forde lifts his forearm back up once more before putting up one finger from his fist.

_"One:_ People own it and tell me what they stole."

A second finger. _"Two:_ People own it, but try and justify it..."

Kyle is finally starting to see this as a potential threat, Forde notes. Because now he looks not only guilty, but also _worried._

"And... _Three:"_ Forde now holds up three fingers. "They tell me they've never stolen anything."

Possibly because he's afraid that Forde _meant_ it when he implied this question puts an end to their relationship, Kyle begins trying to find something to fix this with.

"H-How can... _Why wasn't my answer good enough_ , then? Shouldn't the one that says they _haven't_ stolen be the right choice to _judge_ whether or not someone is--"

"That's _wrong,_ actually..."

Forde is trying really hard not to smile, because Kyle is too cute for his own good. It's a similar reaction to when you see a puppy or a kitten; You just want to go _'Awww.'_ But he can't leave himself in a vulnerable position, _because Forde is no longer Kyle's boyfriend._

"Because every single person has stolen something at one point in their lives. It could be from anywhere or anyone. A couple dollars from a friend's wallet... a toy at the store when your dad kept telling you no. It can be anything. And that's the point of the question, to tell me about who I'm asking it to. And by claiming you've stolen nothing, you are telling me one very telling detail about yourself: _You_ are a _liar."_

Now Kyle looks _offended._ Like each stage of grief keeps phasing themselves over his face; Only to kick the previous one out. 

"I can't believe this! All of a sudden you're accusing me of lying? We've been together all this time and you only _now_ ask me a question that determines whether or not you can _stay_ with me!?"

Shit, _Forde's really close to grinning again._

"Don't blame me. _You're_ the one who gave the wrong answer."

_"Fine!_ I've probably stolen something _small_ or whatever, _okay!?_ But I don't remember anything off the top of my head! You can't all of a sudden say that's reason to break-up with me!"

"I would have accepted ' _No_ _thing comes to mind_ '. But you claimed you haven't stolen anything. Again. Your _own_ fault."

"And what if I actually had an answer? Do you judge _what_ was stolen?"

_"Naaah._ That part's only added fun. Sometimes people have like, _crazy_ stories, like they've been itching to tell 'em and are finally glad someone's asked. People like that are always giving the _BEST_ possible answer."

_"Yeah!?_ Okay, if this is so _important_ to you... What have _you,_ stolen?"

Ah, turning the tables on him, is he? _Forde can't say anyone's ever done that before._

"...You wanna know?"

"I do. So I can _judge_ you as much as _you're_ judging _me."_

What's he think he can do with Forde's answer? _Not much,_ Forde knows. But it's funny that he thinks he can.

"Sure! Okay. There is _one_ particular thing I recall stealing vividly. I was probably about... seven or... maybe eight at the time. _But that's not all that important._ What's important was; I was in line at a Dollar General with my dad, right? And I was fairly young, but like, not old enough to have any sort of patience..."

"Yeah?"

"And Franz is like, two years old. He's sitting in the cart screaming his head off. And he won't shut the fuck up. Which was so _weird,_ because whenever he was _home_ he was perfectly behaved and all giggly. _Like babies are._ But God _forbid_ we go out into the _world_ for longer than five minutes. If we do, Baby Franz has gotta _cry_ until he destroys all the eardrums within a ten mile radius..."

Kyle somewhere along the way lost his worrisome demeanor, in the middle of listening to Forde's story. Probably finally realizing that Forde telling him they were over... _was really just a bullshit lie..._ Not all that unlike Kyle lying about stealing. 

"So I'm like, a kid myself _. I can't take this shit_. Anyone waiting in line with a _screaming_ kid next to them is gonna be like, _UGH._ So I'm standing there bored, for starters. I'm bored as it is but I'm too _old_ to go scream _myself._ Bored, and I want some candy. Because when stores put candy by check-outs, _they know what they're doing._ It's a real _rat_ -move, is what it is. _That's how they get ya--"_

"Yeah, yeah." Kyle interrupts. "Because they know kids are gonna whine until they get what they want in front of cashiers, _because parents look bad if they say no."_

"Right! But I'm like... _annoyed._ Franz is busy reciting _The Phantom of the Opera_. There's _no_ attention on me, who is _also_ just a kid. But even though I'm still a kid..." 

Forde takes a moment to tap his head with his index finger.

"I was blessed; _I was smort_."

"You were... _smort?"_ Kyle repeats the word in mockery _._

"I was _smort."_

Kyle shakes his head laughing as Forde goes on.

"So I'm smart enough to know anything I try _isn't_ _going to work_. That Hubba Bubba Bubble Tape ain't gonna be mine. Those Gummy Worms? Might as well squirm away without a word. I may as well have butter on my hands, because Butter Fingers would only slip from my grasp. As long as my dad was fed up enough having to deal with Franz; No _way_ could I ask for anything."

Kyle frowns for a minute, picking up a fry from the pile he seems to have forgotten about. Maybe thinking he's taken it for granted once Forde mentions all these things he couldn't have.

"...But you could still steal...?" Kyle asks, hesitantly.

"Yes." Forde states, sure of himself. " _But here's the catch_ : Seven year old me didn't see it as stealing. Seven year old me, in the time waiting in line, had went through stage after stage of contemplation until I convinced myself this:..."

_"'This'..._ being?"

Forde's long gave up on trying not to smile.

"I convinced myself: It's not stealing if it's a _sample._ **So.** _I'm eyein' a roll of Mint Mentos_. The white shells are _begging_ me to sink my teeth into 'em. And my brain, _at the time_ , was only stored in my forehead."

Reaching another pause, Forde slicks his bangs back. 

_"Now_ I have a _five_ -head to store my massive brain. But back then, _I didn't_. So, with my average, _normal,_ forehead... I reach the conclusion that a _'sample'_ is only just one Mentos."

"... _Don't tell me you opened the package just to only steal--"_

"I opened the package just to only steal one."

_"Oh my God_." Kyle hides his face in his palms from secondhand embarrassment. "If you did _that_ you should have just stolen the whole thing. They can't still _sell_ it even _if_ you only take one--"

"I _realized_ that, _I realized that now_! But like I said, that was me in my _younger_ years. _My five-head wouldn't kick in for awhile."_

"...At least you were smart enough to not make yourself feel _guilty_ over it, I guess. Even though you _were_ still stealing." Kyle exhales. "So much build up, and for such an underwhelming ending."

_"Yeah._ Well. _I told you my story_. And it was easy. As easy as taking candy _because_ of a baby. Yet you couldn't tell me a single thing you've ever stolen..."

Kyle frowns, upset that Forde's bringing that part back up.

"I mean-- I know there's no way your record is clean... because I can see something you're stealing as we speak."

_"...What?"_ Kyle looks downright perplexed.

Forde points to the abundance of unopened salt packets at Kyle's side. It's not just two. It's not just three. Not even four or five. But there are at _least_ ten packets of salt Kyle had scooped into a handful earlier. 

Not with the intention to put them on his current meal. But with the intention to take them back with them into the car when they leave and head home.

"Th-This isn't _'stealing'!"_ Kyle tries to stand up for himself. "They're there for the taking--"

"For the taking to use on the food you buy _here."_ Forde cuts him off. "I highly doubt you want _THAT_ much sodium on a single order of fries that, for the record, are almost _gone_ at this point."

_"...Okay,_ so I stole a few salt packets. _So what?"_

Kyle really does go through stage after stage of expression. He could be a good actor, if all of his faces _were_ only act, and not because he's really so _emotional._

"...You steal. Just. Like. _Everyone. Else."_

"I do. Okay? _I steal!"_ Kyle's emotions once more get the best of him. He shouts the last sentence much too loudly for a public setting.

Then, instead of being powered by hot-headed _anger,_ he's blushing in hot-headed _embarrassment._

"...I steal." This time, he brings his voice down. "But I think it's _fair_ to admit. And you can't tell me the fact that I lied about it _at first_ is enough to _declare me single._ You know why?"

Forde raises his eyebrows in curiosity. Ah, Up next is one of Kyle's more _rare_ emotions; The ones where he doesn't even have a sliver of anything _but_ pure conviction.

"Because I'll tell you right now the most notable; Maybe even the most _expensive_ ; But the most important _thing_ I've ever stolen...?"

Kyle takes a minute to recline back in the booth and cross his arms as he returns Forde's intimidating glare from earlier.

" _Is your heart_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the Dialogue Devil I can't write anything except Dialogue.
> 
> just like having to recall high school painting class and hitting myself with a golf ball, theres a part in this one i yoinked from my own life: i stole a single mentos while convincing myself it wasnt stealing bc i thought of it as a sample. (and the "what did you steal" question really IS the best and telling thing to ask someone the first time you meet them)
> 
> i wanted to work on a halloweeenn fic but i dont have the physical energy for a lot rn.. i wanted THIS to be less than 1.5k words bc typing has been very strenuous again these past couple of days , but it ended up closer to 2.5k...
> 
> sad meeeee eeee I HAVE SO MUCH FUN WRITING FORDEKYLE HAVING TO SLOW DOWN BREAKS MY HEAAARRTTT


	11. ☆-(be) Like You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, attempt to inspect kyle as usual, shoot for a short rambling, and keep it COHERENT? 
> 
> yeah RIGHT as if i could do THAT

How is Forde so good at this?

The breath Kyle tastes on his lips should tell him it's nothing more than additional confusion, and yet he knows it has easily become one of the few remaining things Kyle can still find bliss in.

Forde is many things. He is foolish. He is caring. He is stupid and he is even in his own way smart. He excels in every last thing, even in just the way he fervently caresses Kyle in the dark of night.

He is in every aspect someone who Kyle wishes he could be for himself. 

And Kyle knows he can't. Hell, he can't even do something as simple as admit this in full. How could he ever be as captivating a person as Forde if he can't even say with words that he wants to?

Is it weakness? That the part of Kyle that he thinks is what holds himself together, is actually causing the furthest outlier to surface away from having Forde's strength? 

Muffled intakes of heavy air. The glint shade of copper in Forde's eyes; Almost as sharp as the end of a sword that Kyle could never grow accustomed to. 

"...Hnnnh." Forde's whisper echoes through the dim light of a gaurded castle hallway. Well, it _was_ being watched _some_ time ago. Before the two of them ever ended up like this, in the very least. 

_"...Kyle."_ Forde's breath against his skin is airy and dreamlike. His voice barely audible, yet somehow holds so much impact.

Why? Why does Forde always appear so fixated when they're this close? When the line of flames in a set of lamps lighting their stretch of corridor burn out; Their own two seem to burn all the fiercer. Surely there is someone more fitting for Forde to do this sort of thing with than stuck-up and rigidly spirited Kyle?

Yet the lips he feels on his own are without a doubt Forde's. The skin traced below the tips of Kyle's fingers are unmistakably none other's. The soft moan of a sigh in Kyle's mouth is a voice he's known all his life. All he feels around him is Forde; _Who does what he wants,_ as long as it is within his own definition of undetectable reason.

Forde could be doing this with anyone; Had he wanted it badly enough. He could sneak off in the opportune darkness they are given, and cheat Kyle into convincing him not to report. It wouldn't be the first time out of Forde to pull that type of stunt. Kyle can recall plenty occasions where Forde has left Kyle all on his own in their joint duties, because he declares near all else to be a more important spending of time.

It never takes _much_ convincing. Maybe it's that weakness inside Kyle. How his exterior and disposition never match completely with his internal thoughts. He feels like he says so much, but cannot even himself live up to the standard he has created. The ever- _sly_ and talented swindler _Forde_ just may be that magnification on Kyle's lack of strength.

Forde has too much in his arsenal that he can use against Kyle; When it comes to the times he wants to skip out on practice or castle-watch or lectures or _anything._ All Forde has to do is remind Kyle of his weakness.

_And his weakness is Forde._

Underneath Kyle's touch, Forde's own strength takes shape. The density in his muscles bear perfect weight from where Kyle begins to where he progresses. _He's perfect._ From his shoulderblades, to his core, to the lower curve of his back; Kyle can feel against his fingers how relatively balanced all of Forde is. There is not a single uneven tightness in his stance that indicates stress.

Kyle is so weak in comparison. Heavy and scarred in more ways than physical. Tense and distraught. Kyle cannot himself display the lividness that Forde's figure does. He cannot have that strength that Forde maintains so thoughtlessly.

In his obsession to want it, to want to be better; The perpetual desire does nothing more than worsen this. _Kyle is well aware_. And so the cycle continues as he knows that demanding stress only feeds off of even _more_ demanding stress.

What is it that _Forde_ wants here, though? Kyle reassesses and goes over time and time again the anatomical structure of Forde's build and mentality. But what does Forde look for when he chooses to advance on Kyle in the fall of night; Push ahead here much more than he ever would in battle? What does he find in Kyle's company that he couldn't get from taking off and abandoning his post?

Kyle is too weak to figure it out. None of the conclusions he reaches ever have enough evidence to back up any of his guided assumptions.

Forde has little to no interest in physical disputes; Kyle's body against Forde's will _not_ help Forde so long as Forde does not _care_ about war. Forde does not care about war in any capacity. _Kyle knows that much._ Not the preparations needed for setting out. Not the case of ongoing slaughter in the moment. Not the strategy and not the political science. Kyle can only think of _one_ thing Forde cares about in war: And that is the peace that may follow.

But you cannot reach that peace with the reckless kind of behavior present in Forde... Or at least... you _shouldn't_ be able to. So what is Forde gaining here? What's he learning when he runs his hands over every square inch of Kyle's weak, tense and less-capable in practice body? Forde has nothing to _learn,_ here. _Forde does not care about battle stance._

And even then, Forde's has always been more accomplished in _actual battle._

Kyle is so weak. Kyle is so tense. It gets in the way when he wields his lance. The strength to hold it is there but the elegance is not what it should be. Kyle wants to be as agile as Forde. But Forde doesn't even need to _think_ about it to be able to do it himself.

_"Ahh--"_ Kyle involuntarily sighs after Forde's hand works a few fingers in between where the tie around his waist clothe the concave of his hips. "Forde..." He knows his voice matches the same lightheadedness that Forde's had when he was moaning Kyle's name.

Kyle wonders if Forde tries to draw it back from escaping his lips; The way Kyle does. Of course, Kyle fails. Everything catches up to him: Forde's perfect _everything._ His strength-so- _stupid_ he's smart. His weight. His faint exhales of pleasure; If Kyle touches him in a way he has learned that Forde seems to favor. It all catches up to him, Kyle learns so much; Until he cannot catch his own voice inside his throat like he wants to.

And before he knows it, he is crying out Forde's name so that he can not only learn more about Forde: Who is breathing his same air, but so he can also learn more about himself. 

Forde teaches him so much. Yet Kyle feels he is teaching nothing. 

Because even if Forde has no interest in Kyle's physical state in the case of battle, Kyle feels he has nothing else much to offer. He possesses no artistic grace in his features that some of the others in Castle Renais can be found to showcase. No beauty is held within him for even a _painter_ to try and recount, as far as he can gather. What is it that Forde is gaining? If not for profession and if not for leisure? Kyle has nothing to offer to Forde the way Forde does Kyle.

What is left to observe, then? From these almost intimately secret developments that Kyle has been partaking in with Forde as of late? They started off as infrequent and thoughtless; Nothing more than an easy outlet to let clear the fog associated with being a knight. No meaning behind any of it other than sometimes, _everyone just needs a reminder_ that warmth exists in others outside of your own ribcage.

It is no longer that way. _Now_ it is safer to say they do this so often it is closer to happening nearly every night. Heavy and hot; The pillars of wall surrounding them don't even feel like the coolness of stone in the dark of night anymore.

Kyle may had went along hesitant at first, figuring an instance where his attention is being driven away from potential thieves at dusk would help nothing. But his weakness at Forde's mercy had all too quickly given in, and he sees now there is more to gain from this, instead of the _wasted_ hours spent monitoring halls that Kyle can't even remember the last time truly _were_ robbed.

Kyle takes more from this than patrol-duty _ever_ could teach in a year's worth of emptiness. Kyle is taught more of Forde's motion; Is taught a technique to lessen the overabundent worry in his head. And Kyle is taught how to let go.

All of those things, Forde had known well enough even prior to any of these recurring affairs.

So Kyle can only think of one final thing that Forde may be getting out of choosing to spend his time with Kyle like this...

_Desire._ Forde is getting what he desires. As usual, without any extra struggle. It does not take all that much for Kyle to fall victim to what Forde asks; Kyle has told him ' _N_ _o-s'_ in work and he's told him what may _'Look_ _to be wrong'_ , but Kyle can't ever even play the role of what he himself is saying. In the end, it is Kyle to be the one following _Forde's_ lead.

If not to learn for himself; All that's left is Forde getting those things that he _wants._ Forde does this as foolish and easy-going enjoyment. And over time, Kyle knows it is also teaching Kyle that same effortless presentation in character.

Forde's display in strength that compares so evident against Kyle's weakness: Is ironically that same thing that alters Kyle into becoming stronger as well.

How is Forde so good at this? Good enough to almost effortlessly out of seemingly no where; He directs Kyle to better every part of himself as a whole?

Kyle silently once again wishes he could have that talent and almost _unknown_ ability to provide morale boost. _Kyle wishes he could be Forde._

No... Maybe...

Kyle does not wish to be Forde.

Kyle simply wishes to be _with_ Forde.

And with each passing day and with each passing night...

It slowly becomes more apparent to Kyle that Forde wants that just as he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cute boy: makes out with you and engages in many sessions of Heavy Petting in quiet and concealed darkness: centering around your very own overworked body. (maybe a lil something MORE too man but idk i didnt write that far. even I MYSELF dont know whats going on in any of my f*cs that shit dont make sense lmao) 
> 
> kyle's brain the whole time while it's happening: performing the pythagoreon theorom and translating the entirety of War and Peace into a dead language.


	12. ☆-Deeper than it looks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the mood for some hurt/comfort, but i go to edit the f*c and the thing that hurts the most is my brain from trying to find any decency in my wr*ting.

Kyle is more distant than usual. 

Had he been acting like this in daylight or in the presence of others, Forde would think nothing of it.

Yet lately, Kyle is all the time quiet and avoiding any and all conversation.

Composed more than the average person, _maybe._ But Kyle's so perfect and orderly that even he should know that in order to perform any work load well enough, you need to be able to take a breather from it all, too.

He is not calm, and he is not relaxed. Forde can see he is trying; _Has_ been trying these past few days. He does acknowledge Forde's casual questions when he is asked them. And Kyle still attempts to clear his head with rest and the occasional calming walk.

But those things are not helping him, however. It is very evident. Kyle is not happy about something, _whatever it is._ Frantically tilting back on his chair in the middle of the room, Kyle currently seems to be trying to ease that _thing_ that's been bothering him by distracting himself with carving.

"Are you okay?" Forde blurts out, perhaps a few days too late. Since none of his recent topics to try and get Kyle to talk have been of any help. He's got to be _blunt,_ here.

Kyle flinches at the sound of this question, and slips until he nicks his finger with his knife.

_"Damn!"_ Kyle curses under his breath at the cut on his thumb; A thin line of red surfacing at the deepest part.

Kyle grumbles, for the first time during his self-kept mood doesn't even _try_ and give Forde a response, and sucks the blood from his skin before going back to paring into his shapely piece.

_"Kyle."_ Forde sits up from across the room in order to make his way over. Beneath his feet stirs a layer of wood shavings.

Another tell-tale sign something is wrong here; Kyle never usually allows so much _disorder_ to where he wouldn't have any type of container to catch the dust he grates off when he does his whittling.

"...Why are you ignoring me?" Forde asks, watching the thin particles kick up into the air from his footsteps.

When he turns back to Kyle, Kyle continuously leans his chair back even more; Almost without care.

"... _Why are you asking me questions that would be in my best interest to ignore?_ " Kyle bites back, angrily making his mark on the wood in his hand and not meeting Forde's eyes.

Forde resists the urge to laugh at this. Kyle may be thoughtful and smart, but he's still stupid enough to give an answer like _that._

Forde allows himself just one small, muffled scoff; Sitting on the face of the table Kyle is using to rest an arm, Forde asks him his first question once again.

"Are you _okay,_ Kyle?" He actively tries to keep a serious tone, because he knows something seriously must be bothering Kyle.

"..." Kyle clears his throat, pausing what he's doing for only a second to glare at Forde. Then he goes back to his his carving.

_Stubborn,_ he is. But Kyle should know well enough that sometimes, _it's better to talk to someone._

Forde continues his prying. The first part is usually the hardest; So as soon as the imaginary lid has been loosened, Kyle is bound to open up at some point.

"You've cut yourself--"

" _It's just a scratch_." This last word, Kyle chokes on near unnoticeably. In his efforts to try and remain calm and unfazed by Forde's approach, Forde can see Kyle's additional movements to his craft are slowly becoming more jagged and hesitant. 

Maybe it's because he's on edge. 

And maybe it's because what Kyle is referring to as a _'scratch,'_ still _is_ enough to hinder his angling when he rotates the small block of wood in his palm.

"What if it gets infected--?" Forde inches closer over the ledge of the table, leaning and reaching over to try and stop Kyle from what he's doing. 

"--Your head hasn't been clear these past few days, and it's affecting your motion. What if you slip up once more and slit another finger? An old knife on wood, onto your skin, _back_ on wood, and back _again_ onto your skin could _easily_ infect--"

Kyle groans and draws his arms back a degree in defense. "Since when did _you_ care about being cautious?" Kyle asks in a strained tone.

"And since when were _you_ so car _eless_ as to _not_ be cautious?" Forde counters back with, extending an arm to point out the mess of bark shavings beneath the table.

Forde has plenty of evidence to suggest Kyle is acting strangely in more ways than one.

Kyle continues to rock back and forth, _back and forth,_ on the wooden chair he sits in. The boards of the floor that the legs dig into creak through silence as Kyle's response.

He still plans to disregard Forde's question...?

_That's it_. Forde needs a little more of an aggressive approach to be able to untwist the tightly locked cap on Kyle's psyche.

Forde stomps his foot next to Kyle's thigh onto a free section of the seat's base until Kyle can no longer distractedly tilt it back.

_"Wh--"_ Kyle jolts, slightly alarmed. Finally, he is provoked enough to where he sets his work down onto the table a few inches apart from Forde. "What in the Hell do you want out of me!?" 

Forde makes a move to slide away the small figure that Kyle at long last has let free. Now it sits behind Forde's own back; So that if Kyle wanted to reach out for it and once more ignore Forde, _it wouldn't be quite so easy_.

"You're acting funny. And weird. _This isn't like you_. It's freakin' me out a little, honestly."

"..." Kyle crosses his arms; The hand with a cut is the one to be placed overtop, as Forde can tell Kyle wants to very clearly avoid any unwanted winces of pain. Probably because it _stings_ and he doesn't want to irritate it more. _And it's Kyle_. Kyle would not so easily admit to that.

"You're asking if I'm _'okay?'_ Of course I'm _'okay!'_ Why all a sudden ask such a _stupid_ question?!"

Kyle elbows Forde's knee in the middle of a death glare to try and get Forde to move and re-establish some of his own personal space. 

Sadly for Kyle, Forde will not allow him to have it back so soon. In fact, he will not give Kyle _anything_ at _all_ until he cooperates.

"... All right. Let me rephrase, so that your _tempermental_ personality can look at it from a different view: Why are you letting something bother you enough to where you aren't taking care of yourself?"

Kyle raises his eyebrows, offended. His mental confusion is a small unconsious nod to his furthering retreat.

"I'm perfectly fine! I have all of today's work done and I was _trying_ to cool down for the evening until _you_ felt the need to walk over here and--"

_"'Trying',_ you say? You were _'trying'?_ Was it working? Were you feeling calm? Or is there still a thought in that _thick_ skull of yours that you haven't been able to stop ruminating on?"

Kyle inhales, frustrated. He shakes his head as he stumbles in trying to find a place _anywhere else_ in the room where he could keep his gaze fixated on.

But in the end, he chooses to give Forde his undivided attention and again meet his eyes.

" _If there is..._ " Kyle starts, the grip he has his arms crossed at tightens. "If there were something that was bothering me; You don't need to try and make me talk about it. I have addressed it on my own and I have reached the conclusion that it's not a big enough deal to put extra thought into."

It's funny how he says that. Because his trying to argue that he _shouldn't_ need to open up is a sign he's _about to open up_.

"If it's not a big enough deal, then it shouldn't be a big deal just to _mention_ it to me. Let me ask you, Kyle... _When was the last time you looked out for yourself_?"

Forde watches Kyle as he tries to reach his next answer, unfolding his arms and relaxing one part of himself at a time.

"What do you..." Kyle coughs. " _What do you mean?"_

"I mean..." Forde needs to make the conscious effort to make sure he doesn't sound like he's here to offend Kyle. "I mean that you're a good person. At least, _I_ think so. It's always so obvious how hard you ensure everyone's safety and strength. But... Do you ever think about your _own?"_

Kyle revisits his almost worried expression, a few seconds of panic on his face before he stutters into his following reply.

"I-I... _I do_! Of course I do! I- I... _have_ to-- In order to be the best I can be, _I mean..._ If I'm upset it's going to affect _others--"_

Kyle pauses a minute on his near-rambling to squeeze his eyes closed in stress. Eventually after his mental pause, he looks to Forde once again and continues. When he does, he has managed to calm his voice significantly.

_"Fine._ You see right through me. I _don't_ have much of a clear-conscience these days... _But that's fine._ Since I don't have anyone to talk with about what's on my mind, really. Except... except maybe... _you..._ And I _surely_ don't need to _drag_ you down into my own problems--"

"Is it you have no one else to talk with? Or no one else you _want_ to talk with...?" Forde asks as he decides to remove his foot from weighing down Kyle's chair.

Kyle doesn't continue the nervous tick he had been displaying earlier in rocking it forward and back.

"..." Kyle swallows in discomfort to channel his anxiety somehow else.

"It won't change how I respond." Forde lowers his voice until it's almost at a whisper. "I just want to know how _you_ feel about this."

"L-L... _Last one."_ Kyle admits.

Forde gives Kyle an apprehensive smile.

Looks as if Forde has successfully gotten the worst part out of the way. _Kyle is ready to open up._

"Good thing _I'm_ the one here to talk with you, then. _Right?_ Now... What's been upsetting you?" Forde inches closer and assuredly pats Kyle on one of his knees. "I don't like to see you so bothered that you're doing _my_ sort of careless work."

"Well... It's kind of... in that realm, _actually."_ Kyle's voice almost sounds choked. "I feel as if I have hit a wall. That my work anymore... _is pointless."_

That _is_ odd, to hear out of Kyle. How can Kyle not find a purpose to the goal he's been working towards all his life?

_"...Why?_ Why do you think that?"

Kyle hums quietly, running his index finger gently over the cut on his thumb in thought. "I'm not getting anywhere. You asked the last time I looked out for myself? _That's exactly it._ I... struggle to find a reason to look out for someone who doesn't _deserve_ to be looked out for."

Forde feels a pang of emotional pain to his chest after hearing that. 

No way Kyle _means_ what he's _saying..._ Right?

_Hopefully..._

Because that sounds much too

_sad._

"...How have you reached the conclusion that you don't... _How can you think you don't deserve to be looked out for?"_

Kyle is no longer the only one who's voice sounds choked.

Kyle sniffs. _"I have nothing left,_ Forde. I realized recently I've spent year after year dedicating my life to improvement. _And for what?_ I never thought about what would happen after I'd actually get there; After I would reach that plateau. Now the people around me who _I_ used to guide are the ones to guide _me._ They continue to grow, while I am stuck in a never-ending repetition of the same routine _every day_ of my life. I can't even say I've the pitiful solace of falling behind. _Because I haven't even done **that.**_ I've only lead the same consistent, _stale_ life for a better part of my time here."

Tears are forming in the corner of Kyle's eyes. The moisture collects; Like the blood on his thumb, spilling out when there is no where left for it to be held.

Kyle most _certainly_ means what he is saying.

Kyle is hurt, enough to where he has finally let-loose the bottled up weight he has kept contained all his life. And in _seconds_ Forde has added that last amount of pressure for it to all explode.

It all makes so much sense. _Kyle can not be perfect._ Even _Kyle_ has his flaws.

It's a shame it has come to this; Him keeping them hidden for so long that now he is the furthest thing _away_ from perfect that Forde has ever layed eyes on.

"E-even just with you." Kyle presses forward, biting back the urge to cry. "This sort of thing would never in a _lifetime_ break you down. Yet you still have a mind to inform me that you think I'm a _'good person'?_ I wish you wouldn't. It only shows me how much you continue to grow; Only makes me... _c-comfortable_ talking with you about this. I wish you weren't _stupid_ enough that I find it easy to trust you. _I wish you could see you're wasting your time on me."_

Forde is thankful he has spent the times he has casually praising Kyle about his ethic, _if it means all that._

He only really ever did it because he genuinely meant what he was saying... But it seems it's all really _meant something_ to _Kyle_ to hear without Forde ever realizing.

If it means doing that has lead Kyle to trust him and could have otherwise kept Kyle from getting this off of his chest, _then Forde is so very glad he is stupid_.

"You have a lot left, Kyle. I can promise you that. You and I have both seen the state of the living-dead. You can say you may feel like you're a waste of time, but I pray you don't truly _believe_ that your own life is less than those of which have had their whole minds consumed by darkness."

Some people cry when they are angry, and some appear angry when they want to cry. It hurts Forde to think that Kyle is so _clearly_ that last one, and when someone is the last one...

The harder it is for others to see it's not necessarily _anger_ and is instead hurt.

Kyle has been hurting for a long time, and his approach to deal with it has only made it go unnoticed.

"And I _still_ have nothing left, even with clear control of my own head. _Can't you see that_!?" Kyle lashes, raising his voice in frustration. "I am replaceable _. I have no worth_ , so long as any new recruit can so easily pass my ability. I can say I'm working towards something, but I know that if I were to one day be killed on the battlefield...? Everyone else would still be able to make it through to the end as if I had never existed."

_Kyle is so difficult._ Forde struggles to respond back without malice in his voice. 

_But he has to try._

"Okay. Ultimately, we'd win this war with or without you. _Correct?_ You mean _nothing_ in the span of this army. In the capacity of this country; _This continent._ The whole of the _world_ will continue to go on even when you are no longer here."

Kyle sits quietly, intaking all his worries being confirmed. Or at least what he _thinks_ is them being confirmed. Kyle rests his arm on the table; wounded hand propped up so he's not adding more unwanted pressure.

_"But--"_ Kyle will not have his thoughts confirmed, however. _Because Forde is not finished._

"--You can say that about _anyo_ ne. There are consequences to actions, and... of course it may take longer for some to play out. But we will always find a new leader after one's reign is up. _Y_ _ou_ are here now because of all you've made of yourself. And _I_ am, too. The only _reason_ you are replaceable is because we as a race _have no other choice--"_

"No! I'm replaceable because _I'm not enough--"_

Forde gets up from the table; Movement interrupting Kyle's statement.

_"Bullshit."_ Forde accidentally mirrors some of Kyle's apparent anger. He's trying his best not to, but it's hard to just _take_ this stuff that Kyle is saying. Considering he is wrong and so difficult to get through to.

"Are you saying my parents' deaths were for nothing?! That it wouldn't _matter_ if or not they were still here?"

Kyle's eyes widen in horror.

"O-Of _course_ I'm not--" Kyle stutters, falling back into that genuine worry type of display instead of appearing mad. " _I didn't mean_ \--"

_"'Mean'_ it or not. It is the very same implied thing." Forde steps closer, until he is leaning over and wrapping his arms around Kyle's neck in an embrace full of overkept emotion.

"...So if you can argue and contradict yourself; If you think my parents' lives were worth something... and you can see that they have made me who I am in the time that they were here... _Then you should be able to see your life holds the same meaning_. You can call it replacing all you want. But I think it's more pressing forward. _Perhaps you're right_ , and anyone could fight as yourself. But they won't have the years worth of sworn trust under their belt that _you_ do to those you serve. And even if you _were_ so easily replaceable as a knight; _At the end of the day_ you still mean everything to at least _me."_

Kyle croaks a cry in the back of his throat, starting to understand. Shaking, Kyle returns Forde's hug and finds himself burrying his face into the crook of Forde's neck.

He thinks he's not strong enough in comparison to the rest? Of course, Forde knows it wouldn't be the end of the world if that were true. There's more to live for and more to see than what has for so long been the forefront of Kyle's clouded vision...

But even then, Forde can't think of a time anyone has ever hugged him back this tightly.

He is _much_ stronger than he gives himself credit for.

"I have no issues with you calling me stupid." Forde mutters into his ear. " _But when you do_ , you must also admit _you_ are no better."

_"I'm sorry_." Kyle lets out.

"Don't apologize for my sake. _I'm fine here."_ Forde almost chuckles nervously. "Say sorry to yourself."

_"...Uhh--"_ Kyle breathes. " _I'm sorry, Kyle_."

Kyle tries to laugh; Tries to show that he can still attempt to make light of the situation by referring to himself in the third person. The joke comes out choppy and laced with a decent amount of hesitance.

_But it's a start._

"Gods you... You really _are_ serious about everything unless it's about _you_ , aren't you?" Forde laughs in reluctance. "But... you think you've reached a plateau, huh?"

Forde draws his head back, trying to maybe do _Kyle's_ usual work here and sound serious. Forde can't permit Kyle to joke his way out of this _completely,_ now that they're getting somewhere. 

_Even if Kyle doesn't believe he's gotten anywhere._

". _..I do_. Sometimes I just... _don't know where to go next."_

_"Hmmm..."_ Forde slowly brings the back of his knuckles to Kyle's cheekbones to wipe any tears that may still be there.

To his surprise, Kyle allows Forde to do this without even a flinch.

To, in this moment have no irrational and fearful response to Forde drying his eyes; _Kyle has made it **so** far_. Even if he fails to see it, Forde knows Kyle is _much_ further along than he used to be.

"Just keep doin' what you've always been doin', Kyle. _You go._ Maybe not the way you've always thought... because if you kept forward on a plateau you'd _fall off._ Maybe you might have to step back from that hill you are trapped on and walk in the opposite direction. Maybe you'll end up somewhere completely different from where you intended... but as long as you make it, _I know you'll be fine_."

...Kyle even goes out of his way to lean closer into his touch as he is listening to Forde's rationalization.

"I have a confession to make, Forde... I'm..." Kyle swallows a lump in his throat before softly responding. " _I'm tired_. I don't even know if I want to go the _rest_ of those planned miles anymore, anyway. This job is just so _tiring._ Maybe the reason I'm not getting better here, is because I _can't_ get better here... Maybe I should retire after the worst of this is over."

Kyle seems to not want to shy away at _all,_ now...

Forde gets the idea that it would be an acceptable thing to do if he were to move in closer, re-wrap his arms around him, _and nuzzle the side of his face into Kyle's..._

Even if Kyle thinks he is guiding no one nowadays, he sure guides _Forde_ to tell him that this is okay in his open body language. And when Kyle performs the same act in return, Forde knows Kyle is guiding as _clearly_ as he _always_ has.

"...I'm glad you realized you feel that way before it would have been too late. _I'm glad you are starting to look out for yourself."_

"I guess I am... If there are... _others..._ looking out for me, _I kind of have no other choice_. I guess that's why I always took so much time making sure everyone else was fine. I did it without _thinking_ about it, maybe. But it's because everyone _needs_ it for and from each other, don't they...?"

"...All this... has been on your mind for awhile, _hasn't it?"_ Forde hums in a restored calm.

"Y- _Yeah_... And you're right... I have no place for it to bother me. _I shouldn't be upset with myself_. I suppose I'll be fine."

"You think _that's_ what I've been trying to say? _That's_ what you're taking from this!?" Forde can't help but raise his voice in alarm.

"..."

"Oh _please,_ Kyle. You should be _thankful_ it bothers you. You think _not_ being affected is what makes someone perfect? _Idiot._ It's the _opposite._ That's _how_ you grow."

Flustered, maybe taking into consideration for the first time what he himself wants instead of focusing on only the rest of the world; Kyle hangs his head to the floor in what looks like shame.

"...So how about we pick up where you left off?" Forde starts, allowing himself a first real laugh in this situation.

"Why don't we have you take care of yourself? Let's get you some warm water to wash your cut and a bandage to wrap it in. _Wouldn't hurt to make sure it's fine._ I'll go with you."

Kyle's voice leaves him as a low growl in self-awareness. "I don't need you to _come along_ with me just to get--"

Kyle cuts his own sentence off abruptly, as he eventually looks back up towards Forde. A faint red a few tones lighter than the beads of blood on his thumb now shades his face to suggest his earlier crying-upset.

_"...Okay."_ Kyle decides, changing his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at me go. two canon settings in a row. i'm GOATed. how insane. 
> 
> it'll never happen again out of me lmao since its just too hard to wr*te medieval settings when i live in 20 fucking 20 and am a very bad """wr*ter"""
> 
> but the people that can and do and are really good at it are crazy and i have lots of respect for, but me personally im not smart enough to be able to do it myself


	13. ♡-Made Your Mark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it legit wont change anything here. there is no significance for me to even point this out:
> 
> but kyle is holding a marker here quite a bit and i mentioning that he does so with his left hand in this fic-text would have no purpose.
> 
> but he is. so im gonna say it in this note. hes left handed. bithc. if anyone reads anything born from my pain-coping-mechanism fordekyle fics Ever, u *must* visualize him being left handed . either that or i demand u seriously like gtfo dont click on this shit ever agian. bipch. good thing i dont have to worry about that no one looks at this shit. except me.
> 
> so that being said @ me: remember kyle is left handed but that comes naturally bc he is normal. it's forde you're gonna have to visualize as right handed. Hard, i know. but some people in this world are unfortunate enough to be right handed. its sad.

* * *

To Kyle, sometimes it seems hardly fair to him that between the two of them, Forde was given all of the fun traits.

_He wants some, too_. He broods, as he eyes down Forde who seems to have fallen asleep on the couch when he wasn't looking.

But _no,_ Kyle was instead given the _sensible_ traits. And he is sensible enough to know that if he at least wants to inherit maybe... a _few_ second-hand _fun_ traits from Forde; Forde shouldn't be falling asleep so unhealthily on the couch.

"...Forde...?" Kyle tries, uncommitted to projecting his voice loudly enough to be certain that it will awaken Forde.

Has Kyle gotten better at toning down his envious thoughts? Yes. Of course he has; Kyle watching Forde slowly become more proud and confident in his work has made it so damn _hard_ to be jealous over now. _Even if he still wanted to._

And the fact that Forde claims Kyle's appreciation helps him feel worthy in his job; Is kind of enough recognition for Kyle to hear in itself.

_But still._ When not for pay or work, Forde's painting also assists him in a form of calming release and a creative outlet. In short: Forde knows how to have fun.

If and ever Kyle tries to sketch something, he can't lie: _it just stresses him out._

And Forde... so easily relaxed enough that he can just crash on the couch whenever he wants? So lazy enough that even though he wasn't out here working, he still falls asleep and can't bother enough to simply stand up and walk to bed?

...It's hardly fair. Kyle can't so easily fall asleep on the sofa; Unless he's downright exhausted, that is. In fact, he knows he even struggles to fall asleep at _all_ unless Forde is by his side.

Which was what he came out here to do, after tiring himself out from doing a few _un_ -fun, _undesirable_ chores earlier. Each a bit on the more exerting of energy side. _It's getting late_. He wanted to sleep. 

_He wanted to sleep_. He wanted to sleep _with Forde._ He _needs_ to sleep with Forde, that is if he wants to _get a_ _good night's sleep._

"Fooorde?" Kyle attempts at a whine a second time, somehow quieter than the first. His resolve to wake Forde up shrinking even smaller somehow. As it is not the easiest thing for Kyle to just _wake him up_ when he looks so peacefully wonderful...

Forde does not so much as stir in his sleep at Kyle's halfhearted attempt at rousing. 

Forde is taking up _just_ enough space on the seats so that Kyle can't so easily find room of his own; It looks as if Kyle will have to go to bed in the other room _without_ the company he so prefers.

Kyle groans as he frustratingly shifts his weight beneath him from one foot to the other. He doesn't get sleep on his own; _It just doesn't work_. 

...It's not that he _needs_ Forde's warmth; Not that he has enough seperation anxiety to where he has a hard time falling asleep even when Forde is only just a room away; Not that he _relies_ completely on the comfort of wrapping his arms around Forde's waist and feeling his familiar breath against his cheek--

Okay... _Maybe he does_. Kyle accepts, as he realizes his bargaining here to try and convince himself that he doesn't: _Is really just him stalling_ to keep himself from having to go lay in bed alone.

Looks as if Forde is not going to move. Therefore, getting proper sleep in Kyle's case is out of question for the night. 

There Forde unconsciously goes, rubbing his fun traits into Kyle's face even harder.

"...Ooh, _look at me._ I'm _Forde."_ Kyle mumbles sarcastically into silence. "I'm Forde, who doesn't _need_ Kyle next to me in order to sleep soundly. Who is likeable in every fashion. I'm good at my work, but I from time to time still act modest about it until it is _frustrating_ to the people who actually _aren't_ good at what I do. Maybe I do it purposefully just because I like to piss Kyle off?"

Kyle blinks, thinking about what he's saying. He sounds absolutely ridiculous, griping to no one other than himself.

_He must really be tired._

Coughing dryly into a fist, Kyle attempts to recollect himself as he paces around to try and find what his next course of action here is.

His eyes drift over to the kitchen counter in his fit of indecisive ruling. On it sits... a black Sharpie that Forde always uses to cross off each day on a monthly calendar he has hanging on the face of the refrigerator.

Kyle is hit with an urge to do something _very stupid_ with it as he stares it down in contemplation. 

Well, maybe he is hit with his stupid idea because he _is_ just a little jealous, _even nowadays,_ over the impressiveness in Forde's work. Maybe he is just a _little_ envious over how Forde is so-- not even talented, because Kyle knows using the word _'talented'_ degrades all the work Forde has made for himself and what he has made himself into-- But Kyle is envious of Forde's determined _skill_ made into accomplishment. And how he can also use that very same career of his and be able to turn it off from being a thing of work, and instead make it a fresh breath of air as a stress reliever.

Maybe it is because Kyle compares himself too much. So whenever he sometimes tries to learn a thing or two from Forde, Kyle ends up agitated. Asking him for a break to show him a short lesson on how Forde does what he does, Kyle is looking to gain a new skill. _Forde_ on the other hand, when he is requested this, always seems to engage in teaching Kyle as a sort of _bonding_ activity.

...Kyle likes them as _that,_ too. But he still can't help but feel baffled at how easy Forde can make his painting look. 

So Kyle is hit with his _stupid idea._ If Kyle, for the first time, doesn't _think_ about comparison... doesn't even have Forde to compare _to?_ And instead just draws something for fun? Maybe he can start to enjoy it as a stress reliever, too.

Slowly, Kyle quietly walks over to the counter. Forde has the lights turned off, all except a very dim one that hangs over the sink.

...Silently, Kyle reaches for the marker. Feeling its mass in his grip, he turns his head and cranes his neck to check and be _one hundered_ _percent positive_ that Forde is still asleep.

Why is he checking? No duh: The answer is obvious. On the other side of the combined kitchen and living space from where Kyle stands; Forde is without a doubt passed out on the couch. Since _he_ has no trouble sleeping with or without Kyle to hold.

Whistling nonchalantly, Kyle creeps back over and crouches until he is sitting cross-legged at the foot of the couch.

Hands nestled in front of his face; Asleep before Kyle; Forde just may _now_ even be giving Kyle some of those fun traits. Kyle gives into the temptation of executing this _stupid_ thoughtless action.

Kyle uncaps the pen. _He could still turn back_... He could back down from this absolutely _stupid_ choice...

But he never stood a chance, however. _Who is Kyle kidding?_ Just _being_ with Forde was already that point of no return. 

Who is Kyle kidding? _Kyle also knows how to have fun._

"Kyle... was... here." Kyle grins as he writes this on the back side of Forde's hand, just beneath his knuckles; Careful and with little to no pressure to ensure this doesn't wake him.

Resting his arm, Kyle leans back to take in his current work.

**Kyle was here.**

"...And he was a lot of _other_ places, too." Kyle chuckles quietly; Sincerely laughing at his own joke but also _devastated_ that Forde isn't awake to hear it.

Leaning in closer again, Kyle relaxes his head on a fist as he considers the next thing he should write.

He _wants_ to draw or write something vulgar, _in all honesty._ If their positions were swapped and Kyle was the one asleep on the couch, Forde would surely not hesitate to draw a dick or _anything else_ equally socially unacceptable onto Kyle's face.

_But Kyle is sensible_. He has standards. He can't draw a cock and balls on his boyfriend's face while he's asleep. No matter how much fun the idea sounds. That'd be a cruel thing to do; What if Forde were to all of a sudden remember someplace he has to go tomorrow!? Marker ink is not all that easy to wipe away. 

No, _Kyle cannot draw a dick and balls on Forde's face._

But that is about the only place where he draws the line; So he smirks as he reaches to brush Forde's hair from his face and write something a tad more _tame._

**Bitch-Ass Idiot who fell asleep on the couch.**

_Kyle is smart_. Kyle is proud of himself; You see, he has thoughtfully planned this one out. The potentially offensive _'Bitch-Ass'_ part has been strategically scrawled onto the portion of Forde's forehead that he typically has shaded beneath his bangs. So, in the chance that there is some place he must be or some emergency, the only part any normal onlooker would see is the string of words that read ' _I_ _diot who fell asleep on the couch_ '.

_Kyle is proud of himself_. Kyle is a genius.

_As long as he ignores the fact that the sentence ended up being written at a slant._

And he can. Since he is not doing this as a competition, or an attempt at bettering any artistic skill. He is doing this because it is _fun_ and he could not relax into tonight the way he had initially planned. He cannot get to sleep without Forde. _So he is finding another way to calm down for the evening._

What next? Kyle wonders, twirling the marker in his hand in thought.

How about some imagery? Something more to look at instead of just text? 

**:)**

Kyle draws a grinning smiley face below one of his eyes. To signify that Forde is a foolish looking _idiot;_ Who will appear as _stupid_ -happy as he always does-- At least until he looks into the mirror tomorrow morning and sees all Kyle has done.

Also to signify that Forde makes Kyle happy _but Kyle doesn't need to bring that part up to Forde once it is all discovered._

Kyle sighs into a laugh; Really, _seriously_ looking this over himself. Realizing poor Forde has had no say or knowledge to this sequence of events. _Kyle almost feels guilty._

Kyle allows himself one final note across Forde's skin:

**I love you.**

Kyle writes on the side of Forde's face. 

And a few inches closer to his mouth, on his cheek:

***Kiss***

Inhaling, taking one last look over his work the same way he has seen Forde do after adding a finishing touch when he completes a painting; Kyle caps the marker and tosses it carelessly on the opposite end of the couch.

Finally, as a professional would sign their signature someplace, Kyle practices what he has just written and completes the job with a gentle kiss on the corner of Forde's mouth.

Now all that's done. And it has done exactly what Kyle had intended. He has relaxed himself and calmed any stresses he may have felt from the day's earlier events.

But... he still doesn't want to have to get in bed _alone._

Whatever. _Kyle can make room,_ it looks like. 

Nudging Forde closer into the couch, Kyle takes whatever room is left and lays down beside him. Grabbing a folded blanket that has been draped over the back rest of the sofa, Kyle lays it over the both of them.

_"...Hmmm?_ Kyle...?" Forde mutters, half asleep. 

Kyle laughs quietly with relaxed fondness in his tone. _"Shhh_. It's just me. _Go back to sleep."_

Smiling in blissful sleepiness, the Bitch-Ass Idiot cuddles closer into Kyle's arms. 

Turns out Kyle is just going to go to sleep on the couch _anyway?_ He was tired. He wanted to _not_ further the soreness in his body. But when he wakes up tomorrow, he knows his choice to sleep on the hard couch with Forde is only going to worsen this.

...Forde really makes Kyle make some poor decisions; Kyle knows.

But Kyle just spent a good few minutes drawing on Forde's skin with permanent ink.

That being said; _It's only fair that Forde makes his mark on Kyle,_ too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ao3 user MacKyleMore you do know that writing more RoTP fordekyle won't take your severe, life-controlling, constant, and crippling Nerve Pain away, right?
> 
> yes bitch . but neither has anything else thus far. so you're going to write it anyway.
> 
> kill me.


	14. ☆-Tongue Tied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i know i said me writing two canon setting things in a row aint gonna happen again bc its hard for me to do, legit like two chapters ago.
> 
> but i say a lot of things. i say i am also going to stop writing entirely, and then i dont. i simultaneously say writing eases my pain. which isnt a lie, but it also isnt the whole truth, considering it is still straining on my body. (just a significant degree LESSER than my other pastimes) i say at the very least i am going to SLOW DOWN writing when i am having my miserable, UNFUNCTIONAL days because typing hurts: but since im in enough pain that i cant sleep on these days... i am bored and sleep deprived and tired... so i THINK abt things i could write and then ultimately it ends up in me writing ANYWAY.
> 
> so i say a lot of things. and this one is canon setting and i highly assume the next one is as well, considering thats what the other thing im writing is currently. regardless of what i said 2 chapters ago.
> 
> i say a lot of things that hold no truth. 
> 
> buy my silence to stop me from trashing up the FordeKyle tag by decompressing my spinal cord so i can go back to drawing like i used to. allow me to return to my own devices i miss it. or just kill me either one works. it is a win-win for everyone bc even if i die in the process and u r not a qualified surgeon i will hold no grudge bc at least i wont be in pain anymore. and ACTUAL qualified surgeons do not wish to even bother with me enough to try and find the real source. 
> 
> and no matter what happens, i would assume it would make at least somewhat of an intresting story to tell your grandchildren. its easy, its free, and it'll finally put an end to this piece of shit (me) who is annoying in the fordekyle tag. everyone and anyone is invited; just fucking cut me open and tickle around my spine. i dont care anymore.
> 
> i wasnt supposed to write this much when i originally started it all to cope with my pain, but i also didnt think i'd be in pain this long. so. i apologize. i guess. sorry.

_Franz had no right to do what he did._

Forde fumes, hastily making his way as far away from the conversation he just had with him as possible. Almost comedically, one of his brushes loosely slips from his grasp and rolls an imprint in the dust behind him.

This is enough to frustrate him to where he has reached his limit and groans rather _loudly_ until his voice echoes around him.

Forde slowly turns in his stance; Meaning to pick it back up. 

His hands are full; That was the reason he dropped it in the first place. That, and he's a little mad right now to where he can't organize his belongings. Picking it back up is sure to be a struggle.

Yet he does not have to, after he turns around to find Kyle a yard or so away. 

Good. _He can just politely ask Kyle to pick it up for him--_

"What the hell is going wrong with you today?" Kyle asks with confused concern in his brow as he steps closer.

Kyle's eyes start at Forde's own, as they drift down to the mess of painting supplies haphazardly held at Forde's chest in disarray. Eventually, looking to the ground where the runaway brush has ended up.

The further down Kyle's eyes follow, the further his look of bewilderment turns to that of _amusement._

"Could... Could you pick that up for me?" Forde asks, _as kindly as possible_. He doesn't need Kyle's mockery today. _He's in a sour mood._

Kyle lightly kicks the brush with the toe of his boot. It rolls over to hit Forde at the heel.

_"Ugggh."_ Forde moans in annoyance, fed up. Why is Kyle seemingly only ever nearby when Forde can arguably be found either honestly _messing_ around or _in_ a mess?

Forde attempts to crouch down to recollect it himself. But the action only causes a second brush to slip away; In search of freedom just as the first was.

Forde lets loose a third cry in personal agony.

"H-Hold on!" Kyle hides a laugh, as he bends down himself to finally enact the dulling task Forde has requested of him. "I was going to pick it up for you! I was just waiting to see how long it would take until you'd give up on _asking me,_ first. Turns out not very long."

_"Thanks."_ Forde states with a level of sarcasm. "What would I _ever_ do without _you_ to clean up my mess?"

_"No clue_." Kyle steps back up; Two escape-artist brushes now in a hand. "But if you want me to do the full job and actually return these to you, _my assistance comes at a price."_

Forde's mouth stretches at a frowning line.

_Of course_.

"What's the cost of your heroic deed, _Sir Kyle?"_

"Don't-- Don't... _Don't call me that_. For starters." 

Kyle stutters as he falls back a little. _He's too easy_. He shouldn't be so adamant about his duties while he simultaneously gets flustered at Forde simply _reminding_ him of them.

_It's funny_.

Forde feels a degree calmer already than he did just five minutes ago. Kyle's clearly trying to tease him here; Or at least was. But now he's only helping Forde find something to laugh about. He'll be assisting even if he _doesn't_ hand Forde his dropped items back. Forde's mood all of a sudden is not as sour as he thought it to be.

"But the uh..." Kyle puts his embarrassment on hold. _"The price_. Is what I was asking when I walked over here. Tell me; _What's gotten you all angry_?"

"Not _'angry'._ Just mad."

"They're more or less... interchangeable. You're angry over something. Marching around here all mad. _Whining_ aloud--"

"Franz is just acting stupid." Forde snaps. Kyle walked over here because he heard him groan at dropping his stuff?

Forde finds something else to blame Franz for; If Kyle doesn't give him back his utensils. Franz has put him in a miserable position.

Kyle raises his eyebrows and drops his hand holding Forde's tools at his side, relaxing.

_"Franz_ has you upset? You're upset over something _Franz_ did!?"

"Yes! I've _told_ him I don't like it when he goes around just _telling_ people about my hobbies! Yet he does it anyway! It's no one else's concern! I was headed to put my stuff away; Since he won't stop trying to _show_ people all of it!"

Kyle's eyes drift down and up Forde's figure once more, likely inferring now why Forde was in the unkempt _hurry_ that he was.

"...I thought you may had _accidentally_ walked into the unfortunate end of someone's sword. Or been the one to accidentally _drive_ the unfortunate end of a sword into someone else. I also considered the possibility of someone yelling at you for something careless you likely did, resulting in you being upset. I thought you were groaning so loud because you were in real _trouble..._ Oh, well. It's a _brother_ thing? None of _my_ concern-- I guess."

Kyle puts a foot a step back behind himself as if he's readying to walk away.

"No. _No,_ nope. It _is_ your concern now. You walked into my problems. Of course I was in no trouble, and of course no one would be yelling at me! _You're the only one that does that._ You're just too curious; So my complaining _is_ your concern now, too. Always sticking your nose where it doesn't belong."

"You _asked_ me for _my_ help, Forde." Kyle laughs.

"And I wasn't planning to, until I saw you right around here. So now _my_ problem is also now _your_ problem."

"So it is _other_ people's concern? You _do_ want to talk about it?"

_"Yes!_ I do! Because Franz has no place to tell everyone else what I spend my time doing! It's not something I want everyone else to know!"

Kyle shakes his head. "...Sorry _I_ am one to know, then."

Dumbass. That's not what Forde means. Kyle should understand as much. 

"I'm not talking about you. _I'm fine with you knowing_. Even if I didn't want you knowing, I know you'd probably have found out eventually at some point, even if I never told you. Because it's a _personal_ thing. I don't like Franz going around telling his _little friends_ that his older brother is a _'remarkable painter'._ They approach me when he does that. And tell me it's good without any interest beyond it. It's wasting my time. _I paint for myself_. The people in my personal life that I choose to let know are the _only_ people who should know that I do it. Not some _kids_ who I don't even work around."

Absentmindedly, Kyle kicks the dust at the both of their feet. "Don't be like that. They're admiring you. _I **knew** this would happen_; With the way you do it out in the open all the time. At least _they're_ not giving it a go the way you do in the middle of the battleground--"

"That's the problem. _They don't care_. I don't know them. They should have no interest--"

"They're just admiring you." Kyle repeats. "They look up to you; Just as Franz does--"

"So what!? That's no excuse." Forde interrupts. _"You_ admire _me!_ I know you do; _You've told me_! Yet _you_ don't go around knocking on people's doors telling them to _gather 'round_ me and watch me paint! You at least care about the _work_ that goes into it. You at least care about the _person_ that _does the work_. You at _least_ can respect my boundaries."

"I-I..." Kyle coughs, choked up. "I... _Yes._ But he's proud of you. Don't get so heated over something he just wants to brag about--"

" _I told him I don't like it_. He's proud of me, _yeah._ I know he his. But he's proud of _you,_ too. That's where he gets that _responsible_ and _look-up-to_ attitude from..."

Forde ponders for a moment.

"You know, Kyle... the more I think about it... the more I realize... Franz, just, kind of acts a lot like us? Doesn't he? Like he took both of our _worst_ possible traits, and mixed them together into an individual person? Somehow... _it kind of works_."

Kyle squints, thinking about it.

" _That's a terrible thing to say about your brother_." Kyle argues, but doesn't disagree.

"In any case... Do you want me to tell him to stop? Maybe if he hears it from a second person, he'll listen? He's not trying to harm you. _If he's half-me_ , as you're implying: Then he's probably just trying to look out for you. _Too bad,_ unfortunately for you he is also half- _you;_ So then he has no thought-process when he always says what's on his mind to everyone. _You're_ the reason he's telling people about your painting."

"Yes, _pleeeaaase_ tell him to stop." Forde whines, begging in the middle of a laugh.

"Ah. So you finally see what _I_ have to put up with when I'm around you, do you!?" Kyle resumes a try at teasing Forde. 

_"No._ There'd be no problems here; Had Franz never spent so much of his time _also_ in _your_ presence." Forde verbally hits him back with. "He'd probably have no interest in my hobbies, if you didn't have such an important role in his life as you _somehow_ ended up doing. Wouldn't be so _obsessed_ with how other people live and wouldn't _aspire_ so hard to unreasonably _understand_ them."

"...Well, No matter the reason; _H_ _e does have interest._ " Kyle states matter-of-factly. Holding out his arm, Kyle waves Forde's brushes in between them. "Be more careful next time. _You can have these back_."

Frantically, arms still holding the remainder of his painting supplies, Forde looks around realizing he has no where left to hold the brushes.

"Here, _put them between my teeth."_

Forde holds his mouth open.

_"Gross!_ No way!" Kyle flinches backward, repulsed. "I _kicked_ the one! _It's filthy!_ "

"Oh, come on! It's _my_ mouth. Not yours!" Forde brings his head closer to urge Kyle to put the brushes where he's asked. His next sentence is muffled between his gritted teeth. "If _I_ want to hold them that way, it should be none of your concern!"

"...You're so irrational, you know that?" Kyle shakes his head, as he reaches a more reasonable conclusion on his own. 

Kyle steps up close and pulls a lock of Forde's hair back.

"This way..." Kyle tucks the convicted paint brushes behind Forde's ear. "It's only a _little_ disgusting."

"...Maybe you're right..." Forde starts.

"Of course I'm right! I'm reasonable. It's almost like if you put thought into stuff; _You can be smart."_

Forde scoffs at a laugh. 

_Kyle didn't let him finish his sentence._

"Yeah. Now my mouth is _free_ to curse you out with. _Damn you_ , for not letting me do this the way I wanted."

Kyle rolls his eyes. _"Whatever._ I'm glad Franz didn't learn _that_ behavior from you. Thank the Gods he knows how to _talk_ to people. Maybe you should try and be thankful he's gotten some of the way he acts from me...?"

"...Like the way he forcefully kisses up to everyone?"

"What? It's not... It's not _'kissing up'!?_ It's being respectful--"

Is Kyle really stupid enough to unknowingly walk into what Forde is thinking to say?

' _You can be smart'_

Kyle had inferred himself to be, just a few set of words ago.

_Said the stupid one._

"Yeah. Yeah." Forde nods. "Deny it all you want. But if you don't want to do things _my_ way, and insist you're _not_ a kiss-up... then why're my dirt-caked brushes behind my ear instead of _in my mouth_ like I kindly asked? You don't like to be _sweared_ at by my voice? You don't like to complete the easy task of handing me my stuff the way I ask? And now you're not a kiss-up? The hell's my mouth good for, then? At least make it worth something and actually _kiss-up_ to _me."_

The color on Kyle's face drains.

"Wh-Wh-What? That's not what this is about! _Any_ normal person would avoid putting dirt into their _mouth!_ The hell is wrong with you!?"

Kyle holds his hands out before himself in defense. 

"It's _my_ mouth. And I'm not _'normal',_ I don't believe. I can do what I want with my mouth. If you have a problem-- _That's on you._ Seems like you had other ideas, to not want to put _my_ materials in _my_ mouth."

"I don't want-- I didn't have _'other ideas'_ to _kiss_ you!? What the hell!?"

Kyle turns around, preparing to stomp away in his _child_ -like, _embarrassed_ manner that he sometimes allows himself to do.

_Even Franz doesn't do that._

Forde's hands are tied. But not his feet and not his tongue. 

Forde follows Kyle.

"I can curse at you _all damn day_ if you'd like. Make up your mind. Brush in my mouth. Or kiss me. If you do neither, I'm going to follow you and I _am_ going to curse at you."

Kyle remains silent.

"You're an ass, Kyle."

"..." 

"A dumb one. A _dumbass._ You're a dumbass."

"..."

"You called yourself reasonable a minute ago? _Remember?_ You think you're a _smart_ -ass? Don't you? Too bad. Turns out you're a _dumb_ ass--"

_"Gods!_ For Gods' sake--" Kyle stops in his tracks. Making the effort to turn, Kyle's hand reaches out and grabs Forde's face so abruptly the painting tools he has hidden behind his ear are knocked away and fall back to the ground.

" _You're so annoying_!" Kyle performs his _usual_ kiss-up type of actions: _And grants Forde his kiss request._

"Thank the Gods Franz isn't quite as _annoying_ as you! We don't need _two_ people like that in this army!" Kyle grumbles after he pulls away, wiping his mouth on the back side of his hand. Blush reddening all the way up to the tips of his ears.

Kyle groans loudly in mental agony, as he marches away.

Forde blinks. He did not think Kyle was _actually going to do that._

Forde's brushes are once more on the ground. His arms are still full. He no longer has anyone around to help pick them up for him... 

No excuse to call out for help, now that Kyle says he plans to tell Franz that Forde doesn't want his painting to be talked about to just anyone... Franz will likely listen to Kyle this time around and finally stop.

But Forde makes a mental note to later thank Franz for telling others about his painting; Since it put him in this desirable position.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright heres the fic where i admit it. the fic where i admit i still to this day cannot figure out why franz seems to have more of a fanbase than either forde or kyle.
> 
> i camt figure it out. never have been able to. because i always reach the conclusion that franz is literally just forde and kyles most boring personality traits combined with next to nothing else. i dont hate him, no. but i certainly do not love him. he is painfully just THERE.
> 
> why does everyome like franz more than forde and kyle? why does franz always have more votes in CYL results? i'll never figure it out. i can understand forde being more popular to the masses than kyle... from a character standpoint. but... franz is not nearly as interesting as forde.
> 
> but what does it matter? i dont get a say. MY favorite character out of the whole series is kyle. boring, stale, Kyle.
> 
> but its great. because everyone forgets he exists. i can k*n the mother fucker. i can k*n him. i do k*n him. no k*n drama so long as no body likes him enough to remember him. its great.
> 
> series presents you with hundreds of characters, some very in depth and personality driven. why would i k*n the BORING and FORGETTABLE one who just wants to be good at something and wants that sweet, sweet validation, sometimes i ask myself--
> 
> and then i'm like wait. i actually have my reasons huh? THOSE ARE my reasons? shit... its not ALL projecting? ok. shit i like the boring one bc im the boring one ?! AHAHHAH FUCK OH NO
> 
> fuck you kyles better than forde and franz i'll say it i'm not afraid!! i love him!!! i k*n kyle yeah!! i love kyle but i hate myself thaf doesnt make sense!!! oh well i can SAY that i love him and hate myself whilst i k*n him because unlike me kyle doesnt have nerve damage !!! hes me but minus the physical pain!!! woooo!!
> 
> ...fuck. pain changes the man. im really losin it.


	15. ☆-what life really means

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter.
> 
> just like my patience and the amount of sleep i manage each night.
> 
> im tired im tired im tired i wanna sleep but im on fire TYPIBG HARD TYPING HURT BUT SLEEPIHG HARDER so wgat do i do oh i thibk about foedekrky lol 4 collective hours of sleep in tha span of 72! im doing fine!

There is hardly anything left. No reasoning behind all of this. Nothing left to enjoy. 

He's tired. Kyle is so, so tired. He hates to stare this truth in the face: Yet the drive he once had is dwindling to such a great amount and so very quickly.

That drive is hardly even here, at this point.

_Kyle has nothing left to live for._

He shakes his head, attempting to rid the thought from his mind.

_Kyle has nothing left to live for._

Nothing works; To no avail, no matter how much he tries to ignore it:

Kyle can't help but reach the same conclusion that he has nothing left to see.

It faintly disperses with each poor attempt at pushing the thought away. But like the gravitational pull around him, it always recollects in the center of his mind's thoughts.

People will get killed if he keeps thinking like this.

Yet he knows his own willpower will get killed itself if he _doesn't_ think it; If he doesn't _realize_ it and do something about it.

_Kyle has nothing left to live for._

Kyle's sole life compares nothing to the one's he could save.

Why should his life be the one to remain amongst the masses...?

Weary, feeling the tiredness in his bones drag his entire self down; Kyle leans, sliding to the ground against his bunkroom's door until even it cannot hold his weight.

It barely even feels real, anymore. The light of a candle, the wood of the floor, the dust in the air. Kyle feels as if he is somehow no longer here. 

It is empty. He is empty. Living a life of unnoticed and drowned potential makes you feel empty, after some time.

Kyle feels simultaneously so very _small_ in the span of life, but also so very _big;_ As if he is taking up too much space in the corners of any given room.

The heaviness that his body holds is not suitable for this place.

The door one of his shoulders rests upon creaks open. Perhaps it is due to pure _coincidence,_ that Kyle's time alone is so quickly interrupted. Or maybe he's just been sitting here on the dull floor for longer than he can remember.

He doesn't know for certain; Maybe he's not even in the room he thinks he's in to begin with.

"Hmmm? Kyle? What are you doing down there!?"

Oh. Right. _Forde._ Forde sleeps here, too. In this very room, Forde dorms with Kyle.

...His room. Forde's room. Their _collective_ room. Kyle's definitely at least _here_ in _this_ room _._ _He's taken this space here for years._

For a moment Kyle feels as if he is back to normal. He is neither small _nor_ too much in the way. He is only in a room that fits himself and also has enough capacity to fit _another_ equally bearing life. 

It does not last, however. Once Kyle tries to respond, he is struggling with his sentences.

"...I was just... cleaning up."

That lie doesn't even sound believable.

_Kyle returns to feeling insignificant_.

"That's an odd looking way to clean up." Forde cocks his head; Uncertainty in his voice. "Lemme help."

Shutting the door behind him, the light from the halls filter away. Forde leans against the wall, crossing his legs at his ankles. 

Open and seemingly carefree; Unlike Kyle, Forde is not modest in taking up room as he stretches his arms over his shoulders to hold the back of his head in his palms.

"...How is your _standing around_ helping?" Kyle offers with forced menace. Kyle does not belong all that much within Forde's stance; _It's better he pushes his positivity away._

"Ha. _I dunno_. But it beats whatever it is _you're_ really spending your time doing down there."

"..." 

Kyle has no response to give. _Forde's wasting his time._

"Get up. I came here to ask if you wanted to join me. Word's going around that a small village over has a festival in town. I thought I might check it out. It's been awhile since I've gotten the chance to see commoners' _a_ _ctual_ customs and whatnot... _I'm kinda tired of the same landscapes and suffering we only ever get to see."_

Kyle is tired, as well. Just _being_ is drab and dreary. So far out of reach, from any of that artistry or passion for life or human love. All he can remember as of late is pained endurance of death and loss.

"...Do you have that permission? To just up and _go?"_ Kyle grumbles.

Forde can try and _look_ for that usual leisure that he wants. _But it won't mean a thing_. Nothing will change all that's bitter, and nothing will show Kyle something to _see_ beyond the overabundant hurt.

"Well... I can't say I do, _since I haven't asked_. But since I haven't asked, I also don't _not_ have permission!" Forde laughs, warmly and pleasant... Almost as if it could ease a thing or two about the low place Kyle feels he is in both mentally and physically... 

"...You could get into some real trouble, you know?" Feeling worried over Forde's careless attitude, Kyle attempts to sway Forde's plans.

He's seen enough pain. He doesn't need to see Forde get himself pushed into a bad position just because Forde's stupid. Kyle wants to at _least_ see _Forde_ stick around him a while longer. 

Forde has his moments where he helps remove some of Kyle's stresses... Kyle can't lie.

Now Kyle has no choice but to heave himself up. Kyle has no choice but to try and talk Forde out of those careless choices he decides to make much too often.

_"Nah."_ Forde drops in a comfortable tone. "I'm only gonna go check out the shopping district and try to find a meal prepared in a way I've never had before. Or maybe buy a shirt so ugly it's cool looking. _It's not dangerous_. I'm gonna be _supporting_ the town; It's pretty small and they get raided a lot. I'm sure they _want_ people to show up and check out their parades. _I'm helpin' 'em out."_

Forde proudly announces more _foolish_ claims; Only ever seeing the good and hardly ever the bad.

Kyle didn't mean anything dangerous would happen _out there_. He meant _here;_ In Forde disregarding his position.

_...How does Forde always appear so happy?_

Kyle considers it. It doesn't make sense. Kyle himself, lately, is struggling to find any _real_ reason just to wake up every morning.

"...You don't need to partake _yourself,_ if you don't wish to." Forde continues after Kyle doesn't respond, taking his arms from behind his head to cross them in front of himself.

"But... if you would come along... even just to scold me, _I won't argue_."

Kyle exhales, readying to decline--

Forde goes back to open the door in order to take his leave. Once he has it open, the light in the hallway peeks through until it casts a hazy ring around his silhouette.

Rich and vivid in a glow of gold, Forde offers him a caring gaze to one final time ask, now with a smile instead of words; If Kyle plans on joining him.

Ahh...

...It is one of the most rejuvenating reminders Kyle has seen in what feels like years... Forde's willing, _open_ energy ends up instead supporting _Kyle._ Probably _much_ more than him buying a meal and some goods would to the villagers Forde claimed were in need of assistance.

A feeling of hope suddenly finds its way into Kyle's mindset.

"... _Just don't keep me out for too long_." Kyle accepts Forde's offer.

...Kyle guesses there are a few more things in life left to see, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyday i open my silly little notes app and type my silly little fordekyle sentences.
> 
> PHYSICAL issues aside; what in the goddamn hell is wrong with my BRAIN to still be out here writing this shit


	16. ♡-Out of Your League

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do i do when im fucking exhausted, zapped of all my energy, deeply sad over the fact that i even now, after all these months, cannot reach the acceptance stage of "drawing isnt something i can just DO anymore" and " im not the same person i used to be " type of mourning...?
> 
> fucking... i ramble STUPID rotp fordekyle that appeals to only me. obviously. 
> 
> i like writing. hell, i even, LOVE, thinking about my modern version boys., but i still cant lie. when im so fatigued here, it makes me SCARED that maybe i'll never get out of my tired episodes (i dont wanna be tired enough to not write. so its a hellish cycle) so its like bro... i like writing, but it dont hit QUITE the same as how drawing used to. and i like writing. i like(d) drawing. but i really dont like waking up in pain and so fatigued anymore. like im getting fucking sick of that. i want my life back...
> 
> im tired. even i dont want me here anymore.
> 
> but i also at the same time ... do... want me here. and i also can go even harder on self-indulgence. 
> 
> i only have 3 personality traits: Not being able to handle being in pain, FordeKyle, and Rocket League. 
> 
> so clearly i ALSO , love, it here in my fics.
> 
> and cleArly i am not an enjoyable or likeable person .

* * *

"Hmmm... Ya can't have sleepiness..." Yawning, Forde spawls his body out overtop Kyle's. "... _Without the word_ 'penis'."

"What the fuck, Forde." Kyle states bluntly, not really taking into consideration Forde's words.

"Ya ever think about it, though?"

As his eyes are glued to the TV, Kyle slides his hand down Forde's back until it finds its way under Forde's waistband.

"No. _I don't_." Still not heeding Forde any serious mind, Kyle's eyes follow nothing more than what's on the television screen.

Kyle goes to finish his mindless thoughts.

"--I am sleepy plenty of times without wanting penis." Kyle remarks. "And in retrospect, I am also at times wanting penis without being sleepy."

Unamused, even though his last couple of sentences sounded like they should have been jokes; Kyle still is focused only on the screen; Almost like an edgy teenager at a family gathering would a cell phone; As he begins to absentmindedly knead a set of his fingers into the tender flesh of Forde's ass.

"...Kyle..." Forde props his head up at his chin so that he's resting it on Kyle's chest. Lifting up an arm, Forde lightly taps his palm against Kyle's cheek so he pays some attention to him. " _Are you no longer into men?"_

Eyelashes fluttering at Forde's touch, Kyle's expression twists into upset as he finally turns to meet Forde's look.

"Why would you say that...? You think because me being _tired_ doesn't always _coincide_ with me wanting to touch your cock: _Me_ _ans that I'm not gay anymore?"_

With a snide laugh, Forde starts grinning. "Not what I was getting at. What I meant, is... _you watch eSports like a **straight** guy does football."_

Probably offended, Kyle raises his eyebrows and scoffs. Forde feels the grip on his ass add extra physical strain in squeezing.

"Need I remind you who got me into it!?" Kyle shouts in mock anger, voice flooded in disbelief.

Forde rolls his eyes.

"See!?" Kyle starts to smile, probably thinking he's victorious for pointing that out.

"Are _you_ not into men?" Kyle accuses. "If I recall correctly, it was some good looking blond guy who casually had professional Rocket League on the TV the night I realized I could _very well_ fall in love with him. Don't fucking _call me straight_ because I like it. Watching it _means_ something to me..." Kyle pauses before his voice softens into the rest of what he has to say.

"...It reminds me of how you fell asleep in my arms, and I sat for an hour or so in silence until I fell asleep myself. I still remember how I felt. I couldn't just get up; _You looked so cute_. So all you left me with at the time to entertain myself was to watch Rocket Le--"

"This isn't _my_ fault!" Forde interrupts. "You even said it yourself: Casually. I had it on, _casually._ You, on the other hand, are a Try-Hard Sweat-er. Who tries to _learn_ from watching the Pro Matches. How was I supposed to know you would actually like it!? I was _sleepy!"_

"There was no _'penis'_ in _that_ sleepiness." Kyle grins. " _Maybe you're the straight one."_

Forde grumbles, not even defeated. Just, Kyle is too thick skulled and won't listen if he doesn't want to.

"Forde...?" Kyle lessens his hold. "Does it upset you that much? You think I'm not _into_ you or somethin'?"

"No. I'm just trying to make fun of you." Forde positions himself closer into Kyle's groping. _"I am very much into men."_

"...I'm not... _at least you seem to think_." Kyle frowns. "But would a straight guy be feeling up the guy he loves... like _this?"_

"...I bet _SOME_ do, if you want me to be honest."

Kyle takes a few seconds to formulate words with his mouth being open, but not knowing how to respond right away. It looks like he's trying not to laugh.

"Okay. Fine." Kyle whines. "You're right: I'm not into men anymore. Because these days... I'm only into _one_ man. _I don't care about anyone else."_

Pulling him closer, Kyle smiles into kissing Forde deep and slowly.

Kyle runs the hand _not_ in Forde's pants, down one of Forde's arms.

_"Told_ you there was always penis in sleepiness." Forde mumbles. "Look at how _horny_ you are."

Kyle blinks, groans, and sniffs as he seems to consider if he wants to now _remove_ his more _intimately_ positioned hand. "Not horny. _Just feels good."_

Oh God. Forde wants to laugh at that. He wants to _really_ laugh at that. _That didn't even make sense._

You can most _certainly_ feel good and be horny at the same time. Just like you can be sleepy, _and_ horny for dick at the same time.

Ideally, you _should_ be feeling good if you're horny.

"Whatever you say, _Too Straight To Ever Be Horny_... But somehow... your fingers are dangerously close to my--"

"Alright, Forde." Kyle cuts him off, reaching over his head behind him for the remote on the armrest. "Okay. _I'm sorry you're jealous that I like to sometimes watch Car Soccer."_

Kyle switches off the tv.

"...I'm not jealous. I just think you sometimes are more invested in Rocket League than you are your own boyfriend seductively laying over top you."

"I'm _sleepy:_ Not horny." Kyle pleads, pressing on. "I'm not so invested in eSports that it's making me a straight man. I'm _still gay._ I _s_ _till love you._ Shut up with your baseless claims, or I'll become a famous streamer and _simps'll_ be the ones after my ass."

Kyle removes his hand from beneath Forde's clothes, and instead wraps both arms under Forde's in an embrace.

"Oh, you _won't."_ Forde laughs. Partially because he knows Kyle is joking.

But mainly because he knows Kyle is a... very... _amazing_ person... and maybe is a _little_ scared that Kyle would then realize he could most definitely do better than _Forde_ if he went and did that.

"Ayyy, Why not? Maybe I could make us some extra cash? _I could be worth more to you_ \--"

"You're worth enough, Kyle. Your biggest insecurity is you fearing you aren't enough. But I've _told_ you all this time and will _continue_ to tell you for as long as it's needed; _I truly think **you're** out of **my league**_ **."**

"...Yeah. My Competitive Rank _in Rocket League_ is fuckin' terrible." Kyle laughs, twisting around the sentiment of Forde's words. "You tell me that all the time. Of course I'm out of your league. _You_ could be playing with _better_ people."

Forde shakes his head, confirming that Kyle at least _is_ joking, since he has a lazy smile on his face.

"...Kyle, That brings me back to an earlier topic. You are a _Sweat,_ right? You try so hard to play better... Even though you _are_ still _hot shit_ at the rocket car game. But _I'm_ a casual. _I_ like to have fun. So if playing with you sometimes makes my rank plummet? _That's OK with me_. Because I'd be having a lot more fun with you than I would be in playing with someone who would be better than me, and have them yell at me everytime we would lose."

Kyle whines in the back of his throat as he blushes, trying to keep himself from smiling after hearing that.

Kyle probably doesn't believe Forde completely, but Forde knows that Kyle is out of _anyone's_ league.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...maybe im getting somewhere finally, after all this time. i feel like i have finally been diagnosed PROPERLY, finally. FINALLY. i feel like, for the first time in 13 months, at a dr visit about a week ago, that i can finally see an end, and all i've felt this past year makes sense as to WHAT IS GOING ON.
> 
> but when somedays im just SO tired im like... even after when i finally get the surgery i need... after that happens... im like... BRO how will i EVER reverse the sheer amounts of exhausted and drained i am , after what has be a year (and probably another half a year or more until i get my surgery in and have fully healed from it) of every single day exhausted and in pain. ugh. yeet passion. when im thru with this, i will finally shut up. i cant fuckign wait. i'll never be the SAME as who i was..fucking ...20 months ago, I know that, no matter how anything will go. but damn im tired of how it is NOW.
> 
> fucking body... like if u ever wanna pull some shit like this again on me, i understand. everyone goes thru points like this, or at least a big percentage of people.
> 
> but if/when ur gonna, for the love of god make it a disorder thats more common and more known and more recognizable next time. next time make it something ive at least heard about. next time at least let me know a single person in my life who had to go thru this: because i have no one to understand this one or recommend me doctors or treatment for what worked for them.
> 
> and PLEASE dont time symptom onset PERFECTLY a month before the first case of a pandemic so that by the time i realize i need a doctor and its not gonna get better on its own, my very first appointment is cancelled and rescheduled for months later; simultaneously backing up every fucking doctor everywhere and prolonging every fucking thing about me getting treated and PROPERLY diagnosed. jesus.
> 
> fuck you thoracic outlet syndrome. i hate you so unbelievably fucking much. u have drained my entire self. u have so many times made me just want to not live and feel nothing but hopelessness in me finding a solution.
> 
> but also i know i never would have written mackylemore into existence, had it all never happened. i wouldnt have ever written fordekyles... at all, actually.
> 
> so i have to at least say thanks to it there. bc holy hell do i fucking love my fire emblem oc, and personal ridiculous big-ass coat wearing, cheapskate sort of a mascot. any pain is worth it and sufferable as long as it means something. and for me it means mackylemore. 
> 
> i could bear the weight of any rare-ish disorder as long as it meant i got to think about modern forde and kyle being dumb together and crazy stupid in love :) so idc if im annoying. i deserve every. single. thing... of poorly written, self indulgent, cringe-fest rotp fordekyle fics that i write for myself.


	17. ♡-Same place, Different feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like to imagine that there is at least one single person who checks this fic occasionally sometimes after i update it, and is like "ooh cant wait to read a little new fordekyle today"
> 
> and then its always a game to see if or not they see my rotp warning sign present and when it is theyre like "ugh not again." like i think thatd be really fuckin funny.
> 
> ofc that wouldnt happen but it would be funny as shit if it did

__

* * *

_"My love..."_ Kyle laughs as he tries to joke around in calling Forde this, but let's be honest: _He means it._ "...What do you think you'd be doing with your life if I had never gotten in the way of it?"

Forde reaches his arm to run his hand down the side of Kyle's face, pulling him in from where he's hugging Forde from behind. "You really want to know, _darling?"_ Like Kyle, Forde tries to make light of the almost _disgusting_ -sounding, annoyingly _mushy_ terms of endearment.

"Yes, _dear."_ Kyle presses his lips to Forde's temple with a forced smacking sound. Forde giggles. "... _Please tell me._ "

"...Alright. _Let's see_..." Forde stalls, considering his answer. "I believe... _If I never met you...?"_

Forde leans his head to nudge his nose into the side of Kyle's. Smiling, Kyle then gets what he feels is a perfect answer:

"I honestly think I'd be doing the same as now. Same work... Same place... Same life. But the thing that's not the same is how I _feel_ about it. You make me feel _good_ about where I am. You make me feel good about _who_ I am, Kyle."

Kyle feels his heart swell. Forde shouldn't be able to give such a loving reply when Kyle's initial question was in such a joking manner.

Kyle blushes, reaches one of the arms he has wrapped across Forde's chest up higher, _and flicks Forde on his cheek._

"Hey--! _Ow!"_ Forde tries to grab a hold of the hand Kyle had thunked him with, but Kyle pries himself away before he gets the chance. "What was that for!?"

" _You're an idiot_." Kyle says after he's turned his face in the opposite direction from Forde; To make sure Forde can't see how wide he's now smiling.

"Wh-What, Why!?" Forde half-whines.

_"...Because._ Logically speaking, if you would be doing this exact same thing? Would be living the exact same life? The only difference being you wouldn't have me in the same room; Wouldn't have me to just _hug you,_ and wouldn't have me telling you _'I love you_ ' every day...? That shouldn't change how you feel about the _place_ you're in. Since the _place_ is still _the same."_

Forde sighs behind him, and Kyle can hear a grin in his intake of air.

"Maybe. But, for me; _Logically speaking..._ The same _place_ isn't all that much _the same_ without the same person who feels the same way about me that I do about him."

_Aaahhh._ So sentimental. So sweet. So adoringly open to giving Kyle fond compliments.

Even though Forde can't see his face; Kyle still covers it in his hands, flustered.

Kyle knows his own life without Forde would be _drastically_ different; Kyle's thought about that a lot. 

But to hear that Forde's life without Kyle would be essentially the same, but would only really alter his mood...?

Maybe that's in its own way enough to drastically change Forde's life, too.

_And it looks like Forde thinks Kyle changes it for the better._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its either RoTP FordeKyle or me Whining about The Symptoms™️. no one ever wins Except me. like u have to SIFT thru it all and its like two-factor authentication for only the most INSANE of individuals who could care..... to the point where its really not WORTH it to sift, bc ALL my fics r bad. and its fuckin funny and hilarious. 
> 
> everyday im like todays the day i cant handle the ongoing pain anymore im gonna finally end it all and go make sure i die--
> 
> and then kyle fire emblem approaches me and he goes "u will but not until i say so" and then i decide to live another day, everyday, bc i love kyle fired emblum . we are all addicted to something that takes the pain away😔😔😔
> 
> no one reads these so i can cry all i want in my notes without feeling guilty: i wanna die i have no reason to live i got no worth everything hurts i have nothing left lol pull the trigger kyle fire emblem i dare you i wanna die i cant take it anymore i dont want to be in pain anymore like I've had enough and I'm terrified of future complications and potential irreversible damage.
> 
> and then i update my FordeKyle Compilation Fic and then i feel better emotionally unfortunately and lose the despair of Body Hurty by just a little :/ until i rinse and repeat severe pain and more shitty fics. weird cry for help/coping mechanism but hey whatever works buddy 👍


	18. ☆-Won't Be Long From Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, here I go again. So set on not writing anymore. Telling myself I'm done. Closing my fic, only to re-open it. So close to even just, deleting my account here at times. There's no reason for me to continue, since I only do it for myself. And I am somedays just so close to letting my pain own me. It's already controlled me all this time. The least I can let it do is win completely. 
> 
> I'm so close to giving up. It's catching up to me and I can't do it anymore the way I want. I have no reasoning to remain alive. I don't know how much more I have left in me. I don't even have a right to try and cheer myself up by writing. 
> 
> so, Anyone who may read this... I'm talkin' ever. I mean legit maybe just now. And maybe instead YEARS down the road...
> 
> But if anyone reads my shit, maybe in a place I kinda was... Bored and kinda wanting some more FordeKyle content to read?
> 
> I'm gonna say sorry, first off. Sorry my writing is bad and unenjoyable. sorry the person who constantly updates the fordekyle tag ISNT GOOD AT WRITING lmao!
> 
> But second, I need you to know this isn't fucking easy. This shit fucking hurts. i am dying and it is so incredibly painful.
> 
> So if one thing ever, EVER you may have enjoyed out of me, even just a little? remember im dying! some ppl are dead set on hiding their struggles? and that was me for the first 7 or 8 months of my pain. but now i say fuck it. im over hiding it. i am suffering. i am miserable.
> 
> Like, I am a mess. Maybe no one likes these. And then I wonder... Maybe one single person does? I don't know. but if one person does: i need you to know everything i write is behind an immense amount of struggle. (and more than that i need you to know if u have went OUT OF YOUR WAY to click on and read chapter 18 of this LITERAL SHIT FEST that means you are straight-up INSANE. but also i love you. ty <3\. chapter 18 means you have unlocked me giving my thanks. lmao. )

The warm glow of a candle casts a shadow onto one side of Kyle's face. As it flickers, what appears to be a small smile shines in and out of view.

Considering where they are now, a dark room after having stood at the front lines of what was just their toughest battle; Kyle probably shouldn't be looking so happy.

And yet, he does. And yet, Forde does, too.

"Ah..." Kyle sighs as he rests his head on the wall he sits in front of. Legs spread out and elbows on his knees. "It's finally... _over."_

It's been a few hours. Forde knows that Kyle also knows that it's really not anywhere _near_ over. There's still so much damage to repair. 

But at the very least, the most difficult part of it has concluded.

Forde lays on his back on the floor, head propped up by his bent arm. Neither one of them could get to sleep, even if they wanted. There's bound to be a lot on _anyone's_ mind after what was just done.

"...Didn't think you'd be so glad about this."

"Hmm?" Kyle looks up from a spot on the floor he had previously fixed his gaze. Meeting Forde's eyes; Kyle's shine a warm hazel in the glow of whistling fire. " _What are you saying?"_

Kyle smirks while he asks this, probably in disbelief over it himself.

"Ya knooow... _You look_ _relieved."_ Forde explains.

Kyle removes one of his elbows as he rests his leg down, relaxing. "Should I _not_ be relieved?"

"Nuh uh. I never said that!" Forde exaggerates. "I just think it's funny seeing you look relieved after watching how all your hard-fought aspirations are coming to a close. All your life you focused on that ambition? Yet it being over now has you looking so very _happy."_

Kyle's smile grows wider. He shuts his eyes as he hangs his head. "I-- Well... _Okay._ Alright. _You make sense..."_

His voice is quiet in the darkness, in between his smile and in between where he hides his face. 

And yet his words-- Forde knows-- are full of emotion and release.

"You make sense." Kyle reiterates. "But I'll come clean... I don't think that when I first worked towards becoming a knight, that I ever really anticipated going to _actual war._ I don't think... _anyone,_ really anticipates _that._ I think everyone just kind of assumes we're all never going to reach that point. But, now that we... _have..."_

Kyle trails off. Probably not wanting to think too much into it.

_"I know what you mean_." Forde tries at reassurance. Because he understands. _It wasn't supposed to get this bad._ "But you're right. It's over. _We did it_."

Kyle wipes his eyes on his sleeve. "Yeah. We did... _And I don't ever want to have to do it again!"_ Kyle stammers quickly to get this out of his system.

"Pfft! Ah ha ha!" Forde sneers. "You've had _enough,_ Kyle!?"

" _Damn right I have."_

Forde's laughter eases. _That's good to hear_. Honestly: What's Forde supposed to think, besides that? It's good to see Kyle's already open to loosening up.

"So... _You're done?_ The reality of being a knight's hit you? It's more than a few _noble tasks_ and _castle maintenance?"_ Forde jabs in sarcasm.

"Yes. It's _terrible_ , Forde! And I've kept myself together all this time. But now I need a break. _I need a breather."_

Forde lifts up a hand, waving it in front of him as he signals Kyle to come closer.

"Come here a second, Kyle." Forde says. "...I wanna talk to you."

"You _are_ talking to me, even from over here." Kyle groans as he repositions himself.

But all in all, he eventually still makes his way over.

Forde takes the time to pat his chest to urge Kyle to lay his head there.

Kyle rolls his eyes, all before caving and doing as Forde suggests. Kyle lays perpendicular on the floor with the back side of his head using Forde as a pillow.

"So, Kyle... _You're just gonna quit?_ " Forde lowers his voice with his question.

Kyle blinks as his face is half staring down the ceiling, half tilted in Forde's direction.

"I mean, not right away..." Kyle pauses, giving his response some thought. "But, uh... What can I say? After I've spent a little while helping everyone build back the worst of this? _I'm done_. I'm ready to try that _fun_ way of life that you do."

Kyle looks so peaceful like this. Profile outlined in orange. This side of his face now cast in darkness; As the candle's flame hides him in front of a backlight. Small rays of intricate shadows illuminating his full and heavy eyelashes.

"...Wow. Just gonna go to-- who by then will be _King_ Ephraim-- and say: _I'm done!_ I gotta go run off with Forde and spend the rest of my days doing absolutely _nothing?"_

Kyle stays quiet for a moment. "You plan on... _joining..._ me? For the... _rest of...?"_

Kyle loses the end of his sentence.

"Huh? _Yeah!_ Of course I do!"

After Forde tells him this, Kyle's face is once again washed over in what looks like relief. He flinches for only a moment in what Forde can only guess to be shock, all before relaxing yet again.

_"...I'm excited."_ Kyle admits, mumbling. Not in any sort of excited _tone._ But it's still clear that he means it.

Kyle's so impressive.

_Forde's excited,_ too.

"...Just the two of us." Forde hums. _That sounds wonderful_. Getting to see Kyle happy everyday from here on out looking just as happy as he appears now. "We'll go back home someday soon; Where we can live pleasant lives together."

"...You think he'll be upset with us?" Kyle wonders. Arm stretched behind him as he mindlessly traces his fingers over the side of one of Forde's legs. "When we say we're going to resign and warn that our service will run out. Will he be mad for... us not wanting to... stick around anymore?"

"...For the first couple of days." Forde sighs. " _But he'll get over it."_

Kyle allows himself to grin.

_"Brutal_ way of putting it." Kyle says.

Forde knows. Now would be an insensitive time to leave. They can't stop just yet.

Forde intakes Kyle's beauty. " _Says the one smiling ear to ear."_

But not too far from here on out. _One day._

Kyle rolls his eyes, turning over on Forde's chest to face the opposite direction.

_"You didn't see anything_." Chuckles Kyle.

Forde laughs alongside him. Kyle's warm and tired weight resting overtop him like this is a rare calm.

Reaching out his arm, Forde runs his fingers through Kyle's bangs.

Kyle displays resistance at the first touch, but decides he is still restless enough to bask in the tranquility as he allows Forde to keep going in playing with his hair.

"Oh, _I saw_." Forde informs with pride. "And I now have it burned into the back of my mind. _The final night of fighting;_ Strenuous and to never be forgotten...! _And Kyle's out here happy and at peace."_

Kyle reaches back to whack the base of Forde's hand for having exposed Kyle like that.

"Agh... _Come on!_ I deserve it! I need a night to relax... And I have every reason to be _happy._ Because there's a lot for me to look forward to." Kyle's voice strains after he swallows a lump of anxiety in order to say his next set of words. "Because I have... really... _deeply-set..._ feelings, for you, Forde."

Forde inhales deeply, trying to bite back how happy hearing that makes him feel. With the rise and fall of his lungs, Kyle's head on his body follows.

"Feelings? Like... Feeling like you think I'm careless? Feeling like you think I'm stupid? Feeling like you are _astonished_ that I've survived up until this point?"

_"--No."_ Kyle turns back around to look Forde in the eyes. He's looking slightly irritated at Forde for not taking this topic seriously. 

Nothing but pure conviction is in his tone as he squints. "You know what I mean. _You know that I meant 'I love you'._ You're stupid, _yes._ But you're not so stupid that you _didn't know what I meant."_

Forde smiles. _"Geez,_ Kyle." Forde reaches to hide his face in a palm. _"Yeah._ But it was supposed to go _unsaid."_

_"Maybe for you_." Kyle says, deadpan. "But I want it _to_ be said."

"You're sayin' some preeetty _embarrassing_ stuff, Kyle!"

"Yeah! _I am!_ And I'll do it again! _I love you_ , Forde. The truth's only just now sinking in: _I could have died_. **_You,_** could have died. We just faced so many people getting hurt. I no longer have any shame. _I'm gonna tell you I love you._ Because I just got finished with what may have been the hardest part of my life. I know I can do _anything,_ now."

Forde can't stop smiling. Maybe he shouldn't be. A lot of lives and a lot of homes and a lot of hearts have been hurt.

But Forde's smiling so hard his _face_ hurts alongside everything else.

Forde can't form a response; Instead he lays at a loss for words; The most delighted look on his face he thinks he's ever worn.

_"I love you_." Kyle repeats in smart-ass confidence this time, as he props himself up by an arm so he's hovering closer over Forde's shielded face.

Kyle extends an arm to move Forde's wrist from where he hides behind it.

" _And it feels good to finally get to tell you."_ Kyle proceeds to say. Walking a mental step ahead of Forde-- over and over-- Because Kyle knows _exactly_ what he's doing. _Kyle always knows exactly what he's doing._

"Ahhh... 'F _-Finally'?"_ Forde manages to ask.

Kyle ignores this. "Your face is red... Is Forde... _embarrassed?"_

"N-No! _No._ He's not. _It's just the lighting_."

_"I think you're embarrassed_." Kyle grins as he inches closer. His eyes roaming from over Forde's flushed skin, to his eyes, to his lips. "I'm surprised. I didn't know a guy like you could _get_ so flustered."

"Oh, please. It's... _I'm usually on the giving end!"_ Forde pleas. "And if the flattery directed towards me is coming from _you...?_ Well I didn't know a guy like you could ever _admit_ to wanting to ditch his job as a cavalier because he now wants to live a peaceful life: Reason being he's _fallen in love."_

Kyle ponders in silence, clicking his tongue.

Eventually, he inhales nervously. "Can you really say someone's ' _fallen'_ in love, when for as long as he can remember being in the other person's presence... all he can recall is being in love with him from the start?"

Forde's face ignites in a heat flash.

Forde involuntarily squeals in in the back of his throat.

That's what Kyle meant when he said he _'finally'_ got to tell him?

"Eeeh, _Woah."_ Kyle laughs softly. His hand reaches for the side of Forde's face as he runs it down his cheek. "You really _are_ embarrassed. Your face feels like it's burning."

"Ugh." Forde frowns. "If you waited all this time to be able to inform me you love me, but the night following _immediately_ after the Demon King has been slain, you tell me you love me all _excitedly_ and with anticipation for when we retire...?"

Forde pauses, staring at Kyle's mouth.

_" ...Then why are you hesitating now_?" Forde swallows his admitted embarrassment and throws the question out there.

Kyle's eyes widen. In seconds, his eyebrows furrow and he shrugs his shoulders in confusion: As if he himself doesn't know why he's hesitating.

Right after he shakes his head deciding _it doesn't matter the reason_ , Kyle takes his free hand and holds Forde's face in it between his other as he pulls him in to kiss him.

At first, Kyle is tense. Strained and weary, even after he's _this_ close he still _is_ hesitant. 

Eventually, though, he gives in to it. The smile he had on his face earlier now begins fading; As all the pent up stress of realizing all everyone has been through really starts to hit him.

Forde can hear Kyle croak a whine as his grasp on Forde's face grips tighter. Attempting to kiss him more deeply, Kyle pulls him in even closer and digs his fingernails into Forde's jawline beneath his ears: Until he's struggling to _breathe_ in between wanting to let out his need to cry. Finally, Kyle is upset enough to break away. When he does, he has tears in the corner of his eyes.

"Forde-- I..." Kyle whispers softly. "Am I a bad person for being glad we're okay?"

Guilt. _Kyle's not **all** relief_. Hell, neither is Forde. 

How could they be? Truthfully? _How?_ Remaining here alive while left and right, as far as the eye can see: So much has been lost? Guilt is inevitably going to stare you down.

"Kyle." Forde huffs in stress. _"No._ You're not a bad person for--"

"But-- But... _look at me._ I see it so clearly now. All the people _I_ care for and wanted to protect are still here. Yet the people I care for _themselves_ each lost something or someone that they used to have. I personally haven't suffered enough, to be able to be happy. I haven't suffered enough to be able to deserve to _say_ I get to stay here--"

"Kyle." Forde interrupts him. " _You've suffered enough_ , Kyle. And _I'm_ glad you're still here with me, too. Otherwise _I'd_ be suffering even more, as well... I love you just as you love me. _And it feels good to finally get to say it back to you."_

The worry in Kyle's eyes still lingers, but Forde can also sense some hope and joy.

"Really...?" Kyle asks.

_"Yes."_

Kyle sniffs as he smiles _._ "...That's cool."

The both of them share a partially forced laugh. 

"...I can't wait." Forde says as he finds Kyle's hand in his own. "I can't wait to get away from this and get to enjoy my life with you. _We **both** have suffered enough_. No matter what you believe, _I_ think you did a good job and really _do_ deserve a break. You've done a _lot_ of actual protecting and keeping those you love alive. _No wonder you feel like you yourself haven't lost much."_

Kyle pushes Forde so he's laying down all the way instead of craning his neck up.

Then, he climbs side-by-side over him, so that he's nestling his face into Forde's chest. Kyle's arms wrap over Forde's body.

"I don't know about that." Kyle argues. "Plenty more deserve real _breaks_ before I do--"

"I disagree. You deserve it just as much as the rest." Forde hugs Kyle closer. "Just look what it's done to your head, having you so desperately need reassurance over it."

Finally, Kyle gives in to what Forde's saying. Burying his face even closer under Forde's embrace.

"It's been a long day." Kyle whispers. "Actually... It's been a long... Well. _It's been long._ And I think I'm finally getting close to where I want to be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so indecisive. but
> 
> Like, whatever. You can try, Symptoms. You can wear me down and make me almost give up time after time. but you wont end me completely. i wont let you. u wont take this last thing from me. because at the end of the day i am still really happy when i reread a ton of the stuff i've written at this point. no matter how painful it is and has been to actually get out.
> 
> i mean, i cant do it as fast or as often as i want to. my brain produces more ideas than my physical body can even begin to allow and catch up with. but like, if i wasnt in pain could you imagine how much quicker or maybe even better my wr*ting could be? that blows my mind. i doubt itd be better... but maybe...
> 
> but it evens itself out bc no pain no gain. no pain= wouldnt be writing in the first place . HUGE price to pay in all honesty. but thats what u get for luxury.
> 
> YOU CANT TAKE FORDEKYLE AWAY FROM ME FUCK YOU !!


	19. ☆-xoxo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyle Left Handed.
> 
> But you already knew that.
> 
> 🥑👍.

"Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle."

Oh Gods. Does he ever shut up?

"Kyle. Kyle. Kyle? Kyyyle. KyLEEEE. KY--"

_"Do you ever shut up!?"_ Kyle snaps as he looks to the ground where Forde won't stop repeating his name.

"Yeayas." Forde smiles widely. _"Sometimes."_

"Then why aren't you doing it _now!?"_ Kyle balls up a scrap of cloth he had been using to wipe down one of his lances; Before lobbing it into a pile of _other_ things he has to ensure get washed later.

"Because. I thought I told you." Forde rolls over closer to tug on Kyle's pant leg just below his knee. "I wanna do something together. And whenever you have the time; You always try and make room for anything _but_ me--"

"That's not _true,_ Forde." Kyle wishes he wouldn't pull this guilt trip type of stuff so often... 

Kyle wishes they had a little more free time together, himself. 

But _sometimes,_ making sure no one gets hurt or even _killed_ is a _bigger priority._

...So that they can be positive they will have more time together in the _long run._

"Is, too."

"--No, Forde. _It's **not** the truth_." Kyle crouches, flat on his feet. With his arms crossed over his knees; He's eye level so that Forde can see he's serious. "I _want_ to be able to spend as much time with you as I'm given, but sometimes I need to make sure--"

_"--Five minutes."_ Forde interrupts as he holds out his fingers from his hand; Simultaneously blocking his face from Kyle's.

"I promise we can do something later. Right _now_ I want to have everything cleaned up--"

"Five." Forde pushes his palm closer to urge Kyle to concede. _"Please,_ Kyle. _Just five minutes_."

Kyle heaves a sigh, hanging his shoulders. "All right. Five. _No more than five."_

Kyle reaches his hand out to knit his fingers in between Forde's in order to move it out of the way to the side.

Face back into view; Forde smiles excitedly.

_Nooo._ Don't _do_ that, Forde. Don't _smile like that._

That means Kyle will probably end up spending _more_ than _five minutes_ here.

Once he's started something and becomes invested in what he's getting out of it; (In this case, that _smile.)_ It's hard for Kyle to just _stop._

"Yes!" Forde squeals in joy. He sits up closer as he rubs his thumb over the grip of Kyle's hand. "Sit down all the way. Stop looking like you're in such a hurry to get back up."

"Hmm..." Kyle rolls his eyes and grumbles. But he listens to Forde's request, making himself comfortable on the floor. "But what can we possibly get accomplished in only just _f_ _ive minutes,_ Forde?"

Forde blinks and looks around in contemplation. Of course. He didn't put any _actual thought_ into this. That's what Kyle's always trying to tell him; Get more work done _now,_ and you can get more _productive_ and _**consecutive**_ relaxation in _later._

Taking a five minute break is pointless and-- _in Kyle's terms--_ more stressful than having _not_ taken that much too **_short_** break would have been in place of saving and utilizing it for later.

"Okay." Forde announces. Trying so hard to figure out something-- _any_ thing _\--_ they can do now that Kyle seems to have agreed and sits beside him. "We can play tic-tac-toe."

_Wow._ What a desperate grasp at straws. Forde's gotta be _kidding._

Kyle faintly shakes his head from side to side, instead of laughing at Forde's idiocy like he _really_ wants to be doing.

"What are you, a _child?"_ Kyle glares at Forde in mockery. "Tic-tac- _toe?"_

"What are _you?"_ Forde giggles. "So _boring_ you can't have a little fun with me? _No-Fun-Allowed **Kyle**_ said 'I don't want to make Forde _haaappy'--"_

"No. _No._ Don't twist my words. _You know I don't want that."_

"Great. _Then we can play_." Using his hand not in Kyle's, Forde points to a chest of drawers a few feet behind the two of them. "I think there's some stationary in that desk. Go get it for me."

Forde comes in close, half-pushing Kyle into the direction of the paper. Leaning into the same of Kyle's arm that they have their fingers intertwined with.

"Wh-What? No way!" Kyle tries to shove Forde's shoulder so that _Forde_ can be the one to go get the materials. "This was _your_ idea! _Go get it yourself!"_

At this, Forde only brings Kyle down further, resting his head onto Kyle's shoulder to look up at him with false purity in his eyes.

"Come _ooon,_ Kyle! You're closer! All you have to _do_ is reach back and get it!"

Forde then takes the arm he had been using to point towards the paper, and wraps it inward to hug Kyle's arm.

_This is too much_. Forde does _not_ know when to quit. _Ever._ Kyle can't cave _here,_ too. 

Forde can at _least_ get his own paper and pen if he wants to be the one to _play games_ right now.

"I'm not getting it." Kyle repeats. "I'll waste the time in your stupid _cross three_ game _designed_ for _children..._ But I won't be the one to _start_ it."

Forde groans, annoyed. "...Fine!"

Then he-- _Still clinging onto Kyle's arm_ \-- Crawls over the top of Kyle's legs.

"H- _Hey_! Forde, _Stop!"_ He's getting dirt all over Kyle's clothes.

_That's **more** stuff he's going to have to wash later_.

"Your own fault!" Forde disputes as he manages to get the things he wants. "You know, Kyle... If you only held my hand more, I wouldn't be so desperate to still hold onto it now."

Oh, _bullshit._ More guilting. 

"D-Don't blame me for that! I always... always... _I..._ You know... _You know that I always go out of my way to_... hnnn... h _-hold_ you when I'm _given_ the _chance!"_

"Oh." Forde whines while he returns and situates himself in Kyle's lap between his legs; Facing the opposite direction. _"Do_ you, now?"

"Y-Yes." As if to prove his point, Kyle wraps his arms over and around Forde's abdomen and props his chin on the top of Forde's head. _"I do_."

_"Well,_ then." Forde nudges his back closer into Kyle's arms as he sets out in front of them on the floor the sheet of paper he's selected. "Then I wish you were given _more_ free time. _Because you still do not do it as much as I want you to."_

"Hmpf..." Kyle burrows his face into Forde's hair. "Believe me. _I wish I was_ , too."

Forde hums, pleased. Likely satisfied that he's getting what he wants out of Kyle.

"Okay!" Forde shouts until it startles Kyle and has him flinching away from huddling into Forde's hair. "You want _X_ s or _Os?"_

"You were _serious?_ You seriously want to play _tic-tac- **toe**?"_ Kyle relaxes his voice for his next suggestion, nuzzling his cheek into the side of Forde's temple. "...Can't we just... instead... stay like _this_ a little longer...?"

Forde tilts his head upwards and back to look into Kyle's eyes. 

"Tic-tac- _No,_ Kyle." Going back to the pieces in front of them, Forde bends his neck forward again as he starts drawing out the board. " _We can't_."

"Mmm..." Kyle groans, tightening the squeeze of his hug over Forde's stomach. Why must Forde make this difficult? Can't they just-- If Kyle's making the time-- Simply just _enjoy_ each other's company without having to always _do_ something?

Kyle gives up in arguing, however. "...I don't care. _X_ s _. I guess_."

Whatever. _So long as it makes Forde happy._

Forde marks the center box with an _O,_ going first.

Reaching in front of Forde for the pen himself, Kyle reluctantly crosses an _X_ into the square directly on top of Forde's.

"...What's your strategy, here?" Forde asks mumbling, as he recollects the pen from Kyle.

"My strategy is: This is stupid and pointless so I'm just marking _X_ s wherever I feel like it."

"Oh-- Come _on,_ Kyle!"

"You asked!"

Forde marks the upper left corner.

Naturally, as to not lose right away, Kyle fills in the bottom right space next.

"You know what _X_ s and _O_ s represent, don't you...? _Which one's which_?" Forde sounds at peace as he draws his next circle in the bottom left.

"..." Kyle considers his next move. He may just be making random marks, but if at all possible he's not gonna just _throw_ the match. "I think _O_ s are supposed to be hugs and _X_ s are the kisses..."

Kyle _has_ to mark the center row in the first column. Otherwise he would lose here and now.

_"But I'm not positive_." Kyle continues. Handing Forde back the pen and affectionately running his hand over the length of Forde's forearm. "I'm no poet. _Just a man."_

One of Forde's hands finds its way over Kyle's, stroking it lovingly. _"Just_ a _man."_ Forde repeats, laughing softly. "I dunno if I agree with _'just'_ a man _completely._ I think you can be decently romantic..."

Forde reaches to mark an _O_ in the top right corner. "That is... when you _want_ to be." Next, he draws a straight line; From the top right to the bottom left.

_No!_ Kyle didn't think of that as a path to success. He only noticed the potential for Forde to win _before_ hand from bottom to top in the _first_ column.

"Ah, _damn it!_ I didn't see that as an opening!" 

"Heh, _I know_." Forde drops the pen and claps his hands together in glory. "You were so focused on not losing through other ways, that _that_ one didn't even register into your mind."

Kyle grumbles. Maybe he was putting more thought into this than he initially planned.

Unfortunately, it wasn't _enough_ thought to still come out triumphant.

"Ugh. I didn't even _care,_ anyway." Kyle claims, lying. "...I just want to be _'decently romantic'_ like I told you earlier..."

"You are. _Y_ _ou are..."_ Forde then traces his fingers over Kyle's knee: Up and down his thigh. "But you picked _X_ s. And _X_ s are _supposed_ to mean kisses? But you're only _hugging_ me now--"

Ah. Okay.

_Kyle understands what he's asking._

Bringing up his arm, Kyle tilts Forde's neck backward in order to bring their lips together.

Not the _clearest_ targeted angle-- Forde's nose clashes haphazardly into Kyle's cheek as he's upside down.

Forde giggles into his mouth, amused.

_Not **poetic** in the slightest_. Kyle thinks. _But definitely its own form of **romantic.**_

"So. I'm the winner." Forde declares after he pulls away. "And the _winner_ gets to pick the prize..."

"..."

"... _The winner wants to stay like this for just a little while longer."_ Forde whispers before he lays back warmly into Kyle's chest.

_'Five minutes'_ is what Kyle said he would _only allow_ earlier...

"...It's only fair the winner gets what he's rightfully won." Informs Kyle, gently smiling.

_Kyle accepts his loss._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every single one of my fics are any given number of word essays on why kyle is, without a doubt in my mind, in every fathomable reason: more stupid than forde.
> 
> i hope that is clear. i hope that is understandable. thank you for your time.

**Author's Note:**

> it is very sexy of me to only write what i want


End file.
